


A Month

by jasminflower69



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Camp Nanowrimo, Drama & Romance, Eating Disorders, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 50,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasminflower69/pseuds/jasminflower69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Discontinued) Having accidentally crushed Germany in a fistfight over the chalkboard drawing duties for the day, France, England, America and Russia are stuck in Alfred's home in Hawaii for a whole month to try and force them to get along. Alfred has a secret, and Francis finds the wine... (RusAme/FrUk. Trying to not write smut, for once... Writing this for Camp Nanowrimo, so might not be edited very well. Rated for Alfred's mouth.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Alfred sat with his back against the wall, glaring across from him in all three directions. It wasn't the largest table, but the company, he felt, needed shot.

To his left sat Arthur, glaring directly across from him with the same desperate hatred in his eyes. To Arthur's right sat Ivan, who didn't move his eyes from him for a second, and the last spot at the table held Francis.

They had been to a world conference yesterday morning. Alfred walked in to find Arthur drawing on the chalkboard and threw a fit when he wouldn't let him draw the pictures, which somehow turned into a fist fight. Ivan noticed the fight and decided to break it up with his 'Magic Metal Pipe of Pain', which ended out being caught in Alfred's hand and was quickly ripped from Ivan's grasp. Alfred fought off Ivan and Arthur at the same time, and when Francis walked in he laughed, til Arthur had realized throwing him on Alfred seemed like a fun idea.

Then the whole fight somehow ended out on top of Germany, but they didn't notice til Italy started to cry, and by then, the man had a broken leg.

That's why they were here, halfway across the world, in Hawaii, in a private cabin that Alfred was forced to use for this.

His boss smacked him on the head with a newspaper and yelled at him that he should be thankful the other countries hadn't pressed charges. As it was, they had to pay for Germany's leg.

“How long are we stuck here again?” He asked and Arthur turned to him with a glare.

“A month, you bloody wanker.” He stood and stormed off, looking over the cabin. 

Since they'd all just arrived two hours prior, they hadn't had a chance to look the place over yet. Alfred was hoping it wasn't in too bad condition, but knew they'd have to hit a grocery store, probably on his dime as well. Francis watched as Alfred headed towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“The grocery store. I'm going to buy some tea to THROW INTO THE FUCKING HARBOR!” He yelled before slamming the door and Francis stood, grabbing Ivan's arm.

“Why do we have to go?” Ivan groaned as Francis rushed him along.

“Do you really want to live off of hamburgers for the next month?” He asked and Ivan's eyes widened before he took off running as well.

It was a good hour before they returned, Alfred just happy they'd paid for some of the groceries themselves. “I still think that's the most fucked up version of a turnip I've ever seen.” Alfred stared at the bags Ivan carried as the taller of them stared back, wondering. As they entered the house he called out.

“Arthur, did you, perchance, drop Alfred on his head a lot as a child?” He asked and Arthur rushed down the stairs, crossing his arms.

“What are you insinuating about my child rearing abilities?” He grumbled, to hear the answer back. 

“Alfred, what is this?” He held up a bag with probably five large red root vegetables, which were easily recognized by both Francis and Ivan.

“They're fucked up turnips!” Alfred grumbled as he slid the ten pound package of ground beef into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

“What is it?” Arthur asked, coming closer and Francis smacked a hand over his face.

“Évidemment, je foiré vous élever en quelque sorte! They're beets!” Francis gasped out in exasperation and Alfred turned, staring.

“Aren't beets smaller than that? And don't they always come in a jar?” He asked and the others stared at him in shock.

“You realize food doesn't grow prepackaged, right?” Arthur grumbled, crossing his arms and Alfred snarled at him.

“Well, while we were shopping for food, which is kind of important, what in the hell were you doing?!”

“Cleaning the dust out of this place! When was the last time you were here, exactly?” Arthur grumbled back as Alfred shifted through more bags, lifting out more of the food he'd picked out.

“2011, the Tohoku Earthquake.” He frowned. “I was here at the time, you know. Scared the hell out of me so bad I hadn't come back.” He turned, seeing Arthur's eyes wide on him. 

“I didn't know.” Arthur mumbled, feeling a little ashamed now, having brought up something that was an actual tragedy.

“You never asked.” Arthur sighed as he slid out a few vegetables, surprising the others. Lettuce and tomato made their way into the crisper before Arthur turned back around. “I'm kind of freaking out just being back here.” He looked around, feeling a shiver run through his spine.

He'd been in his room on the top floor, staring. He'd heard there was a chance it could hit here and he'd gone to the top floor with the plan that if he saw the water coming, he was going to run to the mountain behind his house. He could jump up from the roof, and he'd cried, hoping his people had more sense than he did.

Somehow, it didn't hit him, but when he called Japan the next day he was horrified to discover he was in the hospital. He hadn't even been there, but the damage was so severe it took him out for a month.

“Don't tell me you were actually thinking about something.” Ivan raised an eyebrow as Alfred snarled, turning back to the fridge.

“Fuck you, Commie bastard.” Arthur grumbled as Arthur laid a hand on Ivan's arm, shaking his head. It wasn't often that Arthur defended his old /defunct/ colony, which told Ivan he may want to let the issue drop, which he did. He turned to Francis, who looked over the items they bought, having picked out quite a few things himself, and sighed. 

“I say we cook meals in turns. The three of us, each day we'll take a separate meal, so we all get to make our specialties.” He smiled, looking at the other two, who nodded, not wanting to complain now that the anger seemed to be ebbing away. 

“What about me?” Arthur frowned and Francis snarled.

“You stay away from the kitchen! Sacre bleu, we want to live, Arthur, not be sconed to death!” He glared and Alfred chuckled with a smile.

“Maybe one morning you can make a batch for just us.” He smiled over and Arthur was struck still for a moment in surprise before smiling and patting Alfred's hair.

“Thanks, love. I forgot what a dear you can be sometimes.” He smiled before sighing. “You did get some tea, right?”

“Threw it in the ocean.” Alfred responded without missing a beat, leaving Arthur staring, a bit shocked and honestly bewildered.

“Did you really?” He asked, not sure he could handle any surprises before Alfred lifted a box over his shoulder.

“English breakfast and Earl Grey. Those'll work, right?” He asked as he glanced over, seeing his old coffee pot. “Or it would have...” He sighed as he pulled a small notebook from his back pocket and turned to a page near the middle, writing something down before he looked over the others. “Look and see if you have everything you need. I'm not going for imports, but I need a new coffee maker, and I don't know what else might not work. Ivan.” Alfred turned. “Why don't you drop all of the hairdryers into the bathtub and stick your hand in? If you get shocked, they work.” He smiled and Ivan glared. He turned and walked away, not another word said. 

“That was cruel.” Francis frowned, looking at the youngest of the group. “You used to be so cute and affectionate. What happened to that sweet petit garçon ?”

“I fucking ate him, just like I eat everything else.” Alfred turned, putting the rest of the groceries away. Francis, realizing something was honestly troubling him walked over, laying a hand on his arm. 

“Truly, Amérique, if you need to talk, you know I'm here for you. We may not always get along, but I still care about you.” He patted him again before heading towards the stairs, just as the electricity started flickering badly. They all stared in confusion for a second before Alfred yelled and took off running as quickly as he could, finding Ivan at the fuse box at the top of the stairs giggling like a school boy.

“Aw! You came to check on me!” He grinned as Alfred stared, trying to keep his heart from beating out of his throat.

He was horribly, honestly pissed that he'd been as scared as he was. “You're fucked up!” Alfred yelled before turning back down the stairs. 

“Ivan, be nice. I know you like to keep your games going, but something's really bothering him.” Francis looked down the stairs, unable to break the frown from his face. Curiosity was eating at him. Alfred didn't usually let things get to him, so what on earth could make him this irritable?

“You misunderstand.” Ivan watched, his grin sliding off his face so easily it startled the other. “He needs me to mess with him, just as I need him to mess back. It's not just some game, it's what distracts us from the chaos in our minds.” Ivan turned, walking into his room quietly. Francis turned and looked down the hallway. Four bedrooms. He knew it was only three on this floor, Arthur's full floor room on the floor above, but somehow it all seemed so small to him.

But all the same, this was to be his home for the next month. He frowned, thinking of who could send him some paints and supplies. Italy was his first guess, before remembering he'd accidentally helped squash Germany.

At least they were on a beach. It would be nice, pretty sunsets and the ocean was beautiful from here. He wondered if the local store had any decent wine. Maybe sitting here with a good bottle of wine and a few passing ladies wouldn't really be such a bad waste of a month. He smiled as he started making his way downstairs, finding Alfred taking his bags upstairs. “I thought we were looking for broken things?”

“Figured since I was on my way up anyway... you know.” He huffed as he carried the bags up the stairs, causing both Arthur and Francis to stare. 

“Did he look as tired to you as he did to me?” Arthur asked softly and Francis frowned.

“Something's going on with him, I just don't know what.” He whispered, glancing down at the other. “We need to watch him.”

“For once we agree.” Arthur whispered, staring. 

It was a good twenty minutes til he returned, checking each room before going to the living room and looked at the television. He was mostly on solar power out here, so no video games or television unless he wanted to not have lights that night. “Battery... operated... radio... Batteries...” He mumbled as he wrote the list down. “You guys come up with anything?” He still seemed tired, but they could only shake their heads. 

“I found something.” Ivan smiled as he came out of the kitchen. “Your stove is... no longer functional. It needs a new burner.”

“New... stove...” He wrote. “Does the microwave work?”

“Da.” Ivan stared, frowning. “You know, a new burner should only cost a little bit, and it's easy to install.”

“I'm not worried about it.” Alfred shrugged as he plopped down on a chair. “I order a new stove, it'll be here within three hours max. A burner will be a week easy.” He glanced up as Ivan nodded.

How wasteful...

Alfred climbed to his feet and lifted the stove, taking it out to the side of the driveway. Ivan stepped in when it looked like he'd drop the large metal box, and Ivan couldn't help not notice something about the other.

He was weakening. The stove was heavy, but he shouldn't have needed the help. Alfred told him the space was fine as they sat it down and he whipped out his phone, looking up a number quickly.

“Yeah, I have a stove for donation. It has a burner out, but beyond that, it works fine.” He sighed and Ivan nodded, at least happy it wasn't just going to the trash. Alfred gave the address before heading back into the house.

Ivan looked it over. A very large mansion, lots of glass walls around the living room gave it a very outdoor-like feeling. Palm trees and hibiscus dotted the yard, and even from the far point in the driveway the beach could be seen on the other side. A large metal fence wrapped around the property, from one side, around the front to the other, both ends at the sea, water lapping over the stone wall built at the bottom. “Why do you have a swimming pool if you're on the sea?” He asked, pointing to a pool off to the side and Alfred frowned.

“You never know when jellyfish will flock in, or when an endangered turtle species will swim past on their way to the other islands. Nature keeps going, even if we want to swim. That's why it's usually not filled. I only fill it in situations like that.” He watched as Ivan nodded.

Not like he'd go swimming, Ivan thought as he made his way back to the house. Russia wasn't exactly known for it's warm, inviting nature, and though sometimes swimming could be a good past time, he'd never really learned how, and there was no way in hell he'd let America know that.

Besides, with a body covered in the scars of wars past, being seen in those trunks wasn't exactly his idea of a good time. “Do me a favor, go take off that coat. Just looking at you is going to give me a heatstroke.” Alfred sighed as he opened the door, walking in.

“It's only a month.” Ivan reminded himself as he walked in, closing the door behind himself. “Only a month.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ivan sat at the table, glaring out at the ocean. The cool, inviting water mocked his warmth. He had taken off his greatcoat, but the sleeves on his jacket seemed to keep even more of the heat in. “Take your jacket off. You look like you're about to die.” Francis spoke as he sat, sliding a glass of juice before him with a smile. Ivan glanced over, seeing him raise a different glass to his lip and sighed as he sat back and grasped the cup, the cool temperature seeping through to his hand. Even that alone felt amazing.

“Thank you.” Ivan sighed as he brought the cup to his lip, letting the sweet but tangy liquid flow down his throat. He started to feel better almost immediately.

“I wasn't joking. You're bright red. You're going to go into heat stroke soon.” Francis watched as Ivan groaned and leaned forward, removing the buttons and checked his button up before completely removing the jacked, tossing it over the back of his chair. “Mon dieu, it's ninety degrees here! Did you really show up in three layers? Take off your scarf!” Surprise obvious in Francis' voice, but Ivan reached up, clasping a hand over the wool around his neck.

“I can't.” He frowned and Francis stared, raising an eyebrow. 

“Don't give me that 'It became one with me' line. I know you can remove the scarf.” Francis frowned and Ivan shook his head, looking down.

“It hides me.” He frowned, looking a bit angry and hurt. The way he seemed to close off reminded Francis of a startled child. 

“You know we're all the same, oui? You'll be fine.” He smiled and Ivan nodded, slowly undoing the scarf, but he kept it wrapped around his arm. Francis noticed a long piece of gauze taped down over his neck and frowned. “That's new.”

“Da, 1991.” He let out a weak smile and Francis nodded. That was when the U.S.S.R. fell. 

“We all have our scars, mon ami. It's fine here. We all know we're all damaged. I think it's part of the reason we love picking so much.” He smiled and Ivan nodded, lifting his hand back to the glass, the thick scarf nearly keeping his hand from functioning properly. Francis smiled as he noticed, but didn't say a word.

Loud thumping told them Alfred was heading their way and he stilled in the kitchen, getting himself some water before heading to the dining area to meet Francis and Ivan. “Stuff's been ordered, the boat should be here in two hours.” He sighed and Francis just stared.

“Boat?”

“Yeah, what, you think they're going to run across the water with a stove?” He raised an eyebrow and chuckled as he took a sip of the water. Francis noticed a wince a few seconds after he swallowed, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. 

“Couldn't you just buy one on this island?” Francis asked and Alfred, realizing Francis wasn't familiar with the area, shook his head. 

“Can't. There's only a few small shops on this island. For anything more than basic groceries, we're going to have to go to the next island. I should check and see if the Sea-Doo's still work.”

“What's that?” Francis asked and Alfred thought.

“It's like a two person electric boat. It's fast, and a lot of fun, but they've been sitting here for years without any maintenance. Time to remedy that.” He grinned as he chugged down the rest of the water and took off out to a small garage they'd noticed on the water. Francis, as curious as could be, followed behind, finding the small watercraft being held in the air by thick belts. “It's a good thing they haven't fallen.” Alfred grinned as he turned, untying one of the belts as he reached out, pulling it to the ground instead of letting it slip into the water. He looked it over, checking to make sure there wasn't gas, well after this long it would be propane, in the gas tank. He started looking over the pipes and tubes, glancing at all of the mechanics, surprising Francis.

“You're much handier with a screwdriver than I would have imagined.” He smiled as Alfred grinned, nodding.

“I made the grease monkeys. Of course I am! It's part of the reason I have so many good, old cars, I can do my own restorations.” He grinned as he disassembled and reassembled parts, checking for tears, rips or other problems.

When none were found he put it back together and hoisted it back into the air before pulling the other down. “What can we do with these?”

“Go to the next island and get other groceries, or just goof off in the water. It's Hawaii, we should enjoy it, even if we don’t want to be here.” He smiled, watching as Francis nodded, looking at his arms as he twisted the screwdriver, pushing another piece back together. He'd been bigger before. It didn't seem so bad when he wore his jacket, but now that his arms were visible from his tee-shirt, it was easy to see how thin he was. 

“Have you been well?” He asked, looking closely and Alfred glanced over with curiosity before seeing worried eyes on his wrists. 

“Ah, yeah, been working out a lot lately, been busy so I've been losing a lot of weight.” He smiled as he turned back to the watercraft, leaving Francis to think.

They sat for about half an hour before Alfred looked up. “Hey, could I get you to go to the gas station and grab a couple gallons of gas for me? There's two containers on the floor behind you.” He mumbled as he twisted, trying to get under the machine entirely. Francis smiled as he stood, dusting himself off.

“Where's the gas station?”

“Go to the road, turn left, it'll be on the left.” Alfred grumbled as he screwed things back together. It was almost done, but he'd need the gas to check and see if they were working. He pulled himself from under the machine and sighed, pulling off his shirt. He looked down over himself before dunking his shirt in the water and slid it back on, trying to cool off.

He hated it, but he'd be wearing a shirt this whole month. It would drag him down in the water, but it was better than the alternative.

He didn't need their panic.

He slid the shirt on, feeling the water drip down his skin beneath and sighed with relief. He forgot how hot it was out here.

Ivan stood at the back door, frowning when Francis came from the garage, a large red gas can in each hand as he walked happily towards him shaking his head.

“I'll return. He needs essence for those things.” Francis rolled his eyes before walking away. Ivan, curious as to what it was stepped forward just as Arthur came out from behind him and sighed, patting his back.

“I hope you have something cooler to wear.” He looked over the khaki slacks and long sleeved button down and stilled, his eyes watching Ivan's neck. “Were you injured?”

“Ah, Nyet, it's fine. Just a little... scar I don't feel safe showing off.” He smiled softly, but Arthur could see worry in his expression.

“Ah, understood.” He nodded, turning towards the house. “Looks like he had a gardener or something. The flowers are beautiful and the grass is perfectly cut.” Arthur smiled. “The inside was dusty, but it still looks nice. Maybe this month won't be so bad.” He smiled, missing a glare from Ivan. “I should see if the wash is done.” He turned, walking into the back door and Ivan sighed, looking out at the ocean.

He hated this. He couldn't swim, and that caused a slight fear of the water. Nothing major, but it made him very uncomfortable to be in this situation.

Can't swim. On an island. The only way off is by boat, which goes over the water, which makes him panic. “I hate this.” He grumbled as he headed back into the house. He snuck up the stairs, noticing the brand new mattress on the bed, the sheets and pillows missing. He frowned as he turned, seeing the giant window with a great view of the yard facing the god damned ocean, and the shed. He glared as Alfred came out, his hands and arms black from oil, a grin on his face and his shirt clinging to him. Ivan stared, his eyes widened a little as he stared. He decided it must be the angle, because from here, America looked horribly thin.

He looked over his bags and sighed, opening the drawers in the room, finding them empty. He started putting his things away, wondering what the chances were he could get a few things delivered. He'd have to find out from Alfred how to do so, but he knew he wouldn't be able to survive here with nothing but long pants and sleeves, though he hated it. He'd have to find something thin to cover with. How could he even get something like that delivered? He'd have to put in his size and pick the item. No tailoring out here, and he wasn't going to the larger islands. That would mean being on the water again. He was thankful to be able to be on a separate ship once, so America couldn't see him hyperventilate as he glared at the water the first time, he didn't think his luck would hold out again. He watched as Francis came back, headed into the shed and came out looking around before Alfred grinned, hopping around. He grabbed the red canisters and ran into the building, his hands at least a little less black. Ivan turned to his bags, realizing except for his personal items in the smallest bag, he couldn't use the rest of it. He mumbled as he took the bags and slid them into the closet and turned, laying the bag on the corner of the dresser. He was through with it for now and made his way downstairs with a grimace as Alfred shot out of the side of the garage, a grin on his face. 

Apparently the water death machines were working. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at Alfred as he flew past. The water caused the shirt to stick again and he stared, his head cocking to the side to try and figure out if it was just an illusion from the speed, or if it was how he leaned, but he still looked too thin. “Has America been ill?” He asked and Francis glanced over with a sigh.

“He told me he's been working out a lot.” Francis stared, seeing really how thin he'd become. 

Arthur walked out beside them, a smile on his face as he stretched out in the sun. “I've finished the laundry, I have sheets, pillows and blankets for you to take up to your rooms.” He smiled as he looked out at Alfred, scooting along with a brilliant smile on his face. Arthur smiled before looking him over, the joy falling off quickly. 

“You noticed it too, Da?” Ivan asked and Arthur just stared.

“When did he become so thin?” Arthur asked before Ivan sighed.

“He couldn't move the stove on his own earlier either.” Ivan spoke softly and Francis stared, concerned over what was happening to the boy he thought of as one of his children, even if Arthur wouldn't let him hold that image well.

“You realize neither myself or England could move it at all, oui?”

“Da, but Alfred should have been able to. He's as strong as I am. I could have easily moved it. I think he really is sick.” Ivan turned, seeing Arthur's eyes glazed over in horror. 

“What could do this to him?” He turned, his hands clasping over his chest.

“We have a month to find out.” Ivan sighed as he turned heading back under the roof, away from the heat of the sun that beat down relentlessly.

“You should really change into something cooler.” Francis spoke as he passed by and Ivan frowned, shaking his head.

“This is the coolest outfit I have.” he spoke, a little embarrassed at being caught so unprepared and Francis turned, looking at him incredulously. 

“Oh, we need to remedy that. You'll end out in the hospital!” Francis sighed as he walked out, waving an arm in the air. Alfred noticed and pulled in close to the shore to hear.

“What's up?”

“We need to go to one of the larger islands. Can that thing get us there?” Francis asked out loud and Alfred grinned, nodding. 

“The stuff should be here in about another hour or so, so we can leave after they get here.” He called over the purring engine. 

“Good! Me and Ivan were caught unprepared for the weather!” He called out and Alfred pulled the Sea-Doo back into the garage before nearly running out. He looked like his energy was back at least, and that perked Francis up a little. “Sorry to be a bother.” Francis smiled as Alfred shook his head, a grin on his face. 

“Not at all! But someone'll have to drive the other one. They're only two man machines.” Alfred pointed out and Francis nodded.

“You can show me how, right?”

“Yeah, should only take a few minutes. Let's make sure we get everything we need. They're fun, but they can be real gas hogs.” Alfred laughed as they headed towards the house.

“Francis, if I give you the money, can you pick out some things for me?” Ivan asked softly and Francis turned, curious.

“Why? Wouldn't it be better to pick out something you like more?” He asked, his hair catching on the breeze, blowing his hair over his eyes just long enough for him to miss the sheer terror that crossed the other's face. 

“I don't... like water.” Francis stared, wondering if he'd just heard that right. “I don't know how well I'll handle the trip. Please, just let me give you money and you pick something?” Ivan nearly begged and Francis shook his head.

“I really can't. I don’t know your size, what you'd even like, as all I've ever seen you in is your work clothes.”

“I like my work clothes. They're what I enjoy wearing. Is that good enough?” He pleaded and Francis shook his head, now feeling bad. He could tell Ivan really disliked this situation.

“I can't. You'll have to come, mon ami. Just keep your eyes closed when you're moving, alright?” He patted Ivan's arm as the taller man turned rigid under his fingers. Francis honestly did feel bad, but picking out someone else's whole wardrobe didn't make him comfortable either, especially when that someone already admitted to being self conscious over scars. He walked into the house to go find out what he'd need.

Wine. He'd need wine. That was the number one item on his list.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Arthur wanted to go shopping with the rest. This was no problem, as they had four spaces open, as well as a fairly large storage area under the seats. The problem came when he insisted on riding with Francis, as he knew Alfred would drive too fast, and Francis insisted on driving, hoping to scare the other more than the younger man, as at least he had experience with the things. 

It hadn't worked out, and somehow Alfred insisted on Ivan driving. He laughed, saying it would be fun to show him how to drive on water.

Ivan sat on the seat, staring at the machine beneath him, Francis worried as he watched the other grow more and more pale. “Alfred, just drive yourself! Ivan can't handle something like that with no preparation!”

“Not like I'm assraping him. It's really simple. You picked it up in two minutes!” Alfred grumbled and Ivan shook his head, getting up from the machine.

“I can't. I'll figure out something to wear.” He started to turn when Francis stood and grasped Arthur's shoulders, looking him in the eye.

“Ivan only has winter clothes! He needs to get more clothes, and he can't drive! Go ride with Alfred!” He yelled and Arthur shook his head, also in a panic. 

“Why doesn't Alfred just drive the damned thing?!” He yelled and Francis turned to the younger of the group with fury.

“Fine, I'll drive.” Alfred mumbled, a little pissed at being in this situation.

Now Ivan, the damned commie bastard, would have to touch him, put his arms around him and he'd have to feel it. Fingers all over his fat body. He shivered, swallowing down bile as Ivan sighed in relief. 

“I'm sorry, America. I just really couldn't do it.” He mumbled and Alfred groaned as he scooted forward to make space behind himself. 

“Don't touch me too much.” Alfred glared and Ivan nodded, trying to hide the fear he couldn't shake at what was about to happen. Slowly he slid back over the machine, his arms wrapping over Alfred's stomach. 

“Please don't let me fall off.” Ivan nearly whispered and Alfred turned, seeing the pale color of his skin. 

“Can you swim?” He asked, suddenly realizing part of the reason he'd been so off-put at driving the vehicle. Ivan hesitated and winced before shaking his head, his hands wrapping hard around himself. 

Alfred sighed, thankful to have found this out now instead of after the bastard fell off the back. It didn't take long for him to get a strip of the binding and a thin life preserver on him. Ivan winced as he did each of the clasps around the front before looking up with wide eyes. Alfred tied the binding around Ivan, looping through the back straps of the life preserver and tied it over the handlebar of the machine in a better attempt to keep him from falling off before sneaking over the strap and straddled the machine, turning to Francis. “We ready?”

“Yes, and I think Ivan looks a bit better too, mon ami.” Francis smiled, seeing him calm slightly. “Lead the way!” He grinned as they started the machines. The sound startled Ivan, who clasped fairly tight to Alfred and clenched his eyes, like Francis had mentioned. As they started to move forward, the sudden start startling Ivan, his eyes shot open and he glanced around, terrified for a moment. 

Alfred felt arms start to tighten around himself and sighed. So he was afraid of the water. He couldn't blame him, if you couldn't swim and you were suddenly in the middle of the ocean, it would probably terrify anyone. “Isn't it pretty?” Alfred asked, hoping to get him to concentrate on positives.

“Da. It's... very beautiful.” Ivan grumbled, and Alfred could tell he wasn't going for the easy way out. 

“You know, if you close your eyes and listen, it sounds like we're traveling over pavement.” He glanced over his shoulder to see Ivan glaring at him, still rather pale. “It's the speed we're at. The front of the Sea-Doo is hitting the water at the right angles to sound like tires on pavement. Listen.” He turned his head and took a deep breath, hoping this would work. He did not need Ivan freaking out.

“I hear it...” Ivan's voice was soft and Alfred sighed, looking forward and speeding up. 

It was only fifteen minutes to the other island, but it was long enough for Alfred to let his nerves calm down after having a possibly explosive situation on his hands. “You need to tell me you're afraid of the water and can't swim before we're in the middle of the ocean. If you would have melted down and fallen off, I might not have realized til it was too late.” Alfred sighed, crossing his arms and Ivan glared.

“I didn't want you to know at all. It's not my fault. Russia has other things besides... swimming.” Ivan grumbled as he stood on the dock, glaring at the ocean with a frown.

“So you don't want to learn?” Alfred asked, as he tied up both of the Sea-Doo's to the dock with the strapping he'd used to tie Ivan to it. 

“I don't know.” Ivan grumbled, staring.

“It's fine. I can teach you. Not like we have too much else to do, and learning to swim may come in handy sometime, you know?” Alfred glanced up and saw the other nod, though he still looked nervous. “Come on, let's get you clothes, then we get to figure out how to get you back to the island.” Alfred rolled his eyes as Francis and Arthur looked on in trepidation.

Ivan looked nervous and murderous. “Yes, I need to get something cooler.” He sighed, realizing it all really was his own fault for being so stubborn. He turned and walked back to land and sat, staring as the others made their way over. Alfred lead them down the street to the shopping area.

“Now that you know where this is, you guys are welcome to use the Sea-Doo to come out here. It's more glam and glitz than what we have on the island we're on, but it's more expensive as well.” He walked them into one of the shops and Ivan sighed, seeing it was a clothing store. He looked over the prices and nearly died. 

“It's very expensive.” He frowned and Alfred glanced over, remembering Russia had been, economically, not the best lately. 

“Don't worry about it. Pick out what you want. I'll put it on my boss' tab.” He grinned and Ivan looked up with worry.

“Will that really be alright?” He asked as Alfred nodded.

“He said to try and make friendly. Buying you some clothes is like... bonding.” Alfred looked over, finding a few tee shirts that made him narrow his eyes, wondering if they had them in his size.

Francis and Arthur did the same, each picking out a swimsuit as well as a few down-time shirts, as the button ups were NOT going to cut it.

After Alfred made the purchase, on his boss' card, no less, they made their way to the next shop, a larger, more luxurious grocery store and Alfred looked around with a smile starting at the corner of his mouth. He loved hamburgers, but lately...

The fruit looked good, he distracted himself as he picked out a few things. As they made it out after the shopping, Francis carried a large cooler with a grin and the others stared, a little surprised as he let out a joyous laugh, 'honhonhon'ing back to the Sea-Doos. “Please tell me that's not what I think it is.”

“I promise nothing, mon cherie.” He grinned as he slid the cooler onto the back, into a wire mesh holder and strapped it into place. Alfred popped up the seat and tossed the clothing bags in, noticing Arthur do the same on the other. Ivan hadn't gotten too much, only two pairs of shorts, two shirts and sneakers, but he only got the sneakers at Alfred's insistence. No one had noticed Alfred had grabbed him another three pairs of shorts and a pack of white tank tops, as well as a few more short sleeved button ups and two more tee shirts. He knew what Ivan was doing, trying to minimize what he had, but Alfred knew how things worked in this climate. 

Ivan would need the tank tops to keep cool, but the button ups to cover his shoulders from the sun. It didn't take long for Alfred to sneak over and look at the sizes of the clothes on Ivan's arm, so it was simple after that.

He'd only bought himself two new tee shirts, and four new pairs of shorts and a new swimsuit, as he noticed the ones he'd been wearing were trying so hard to fall off. He smiled a little at the thought. He was scared to look in the mirror. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time...

Then he turned to Ivan, staring at the Sea-Doo with worry all over his face. Alfred handed him the life jacket and watched as the other slid onto the machine, doing the clasps in the front.

Somehow, such a small piece of orange foam did actually help. He let out a breath as he felt a tug at his back and turned, seeing Alfred slide the strapping through again. Alfred sat before tying it around the handlebars and heard the other let out a slight sigh of relief, knowing he was tied on, and nothing had happened the first time.

Of course the calm was gone as soon as they were on the water. Ivan took a deep breath and closed his eyes, listening to the sound, trying to grasp to the sound of pavement, which somehow made him feel like he was on land. His arms clenched slightly tighter around Alfred, who huffed at being touched. 

Not a word was said this time as they moved, finally pulling into the small garage. Alfred pulled in and stared as France pulled up beside him, carefully trying to move without hitting the other craft. Ivan waited until Alfred untied the strap around him before skittering up to land, sighing. Alfred stared for a moment before climbing up, seeing Francis and Arthur watching with worry as well. 

“Are you alright, chap?” Arthur asked as he walked up, staring as Ivan remembered to remove the life jacket.

“Da, I just... I don't like water.” He frowned as he handed the jacket to Alfred, who slid it onto a hook on the wall before opening the seat and started pulling out bags. Francis helped him while Arthur moved to the other, pulling out the bags and sliding them up with a smile. 

“It'll be nice to have something cooler to wear.” Arthur mumbled as he fought with the next bag. He was able to slide it up as Francis dashed over, taking the bags back. He handed them to Ivan, who carried them to the house, Alfred grabbing the rest of the bags while Francis took his cooler with a grin.

“This'll be nice.” He smiled as he started walking, Arthur beside him, his face the picture of suspicion.

“It's wine, isn't it?”

“Some. There's also a few other things in here. I thought it would be nice to share.” He watched as Arthur rolled his eyes. “I also set up an automatic shipment daily for the next three weeks. I figure anything we don't finish at the end of those days can fill the last few, right?” He watched as Arthur stared at him.

“You twit! We're trapped here alone to try and get along better! Do you really think wine is going to make everything happy?! You're creating a bloody problem!” He yelled as Francis just watched the tirade, an eyebrow arched as he tried to hold back a grin.

“I found some Newcastle Brown ale, thought you would like it. Have a six pack a day coming in for you.” Francis watched as Arthur stilled, turning with a slight pink to his cheeks. He couldn't help but smile, knowing he'd done well. 

“Thank you.” Arthur grumbled, wanting to be angry, but feeling the emotion slip from his grasp. “This should be interesting.”

“I have Vodka and Whiskey coming in as well. I thought it would be nice to see everyone get along in a drunken happiness.” He smiled as Arthur turned back to him, curious.

“You really think spending a month drunk will help us?”

“I don't doubt it. Alcohol lets you loosen up. At first we'll all be angry and bitter, getting those emotions out of the way, but after we release our frustration, it'll be like magic. Trust me.” Francis grinned as he walked in, setting the cooler on the counter. He popped the lid and started sliding the bottles into the fridge, tossing the whiskey and vodka into the freezer. It would be a while, but a good buzz would always help loosen the head, as well as the mouth.

He had to be prepared for the backlash he'd get for the next few days. Francis knew he had a tendency of being annoying, but he also knew he was the best at creating friendships from nothing. He knew how to make others relax, and that was always the beginning.

He turned, watching as Alfred sorted the bags of clothes out, handing Arthur his as he walked past, and handing Ivan his. Ivan frowned, lifting the bag and looked in, curious. “I didn't buy all of this.” He glanced up and Alfred shook his head.

“I got a few more things I knew you'd need. Short sleeve button ups keep the sun off of your shoulders, which is kind of important. Tank tops will help keep you cooler without the extra sleeves to add warmth. You need a swimsuit if I'm going to teach you how, and god forbid, I'm not getting you speedos, so you'll have to make due with the trunks. Having five pairs of shorts will keep you from hogging the washing machine every day.” Alfred spoke as he pushed the bag back into Ivan's hands.

“I didn't want to be a burden.” He frowned as he stepped back, accepting the clothes.

“It's fine. Consider it a gift.” Alfred chuckled as he pulled out the last few items and sorted them between Francis' bag and his own. He glanced over, pointing at the bag still on the counter and Francis smiled and nodded, showing he understood as Alfred ran up the stairs. 

“American generosity can be a very interesting thing.” Francis smiled as he patted Ivan's shoulder. He still had his head down as if he were ashamed. “Don't worry, mon chere. Alfred only did what he felt was right in the situation. As his guest, he didn't want you to be uncomfortable. This was how he felt was best to correct that.” Francis watched as Ivan sighed.

“I feel like I'm dragging everyone else back. I can't afford to stay on this island.” Ivan's eyes wandered up to Francis, seeing him stand with a hand on his hip. 

“It's a free trip for you. If there's anything you need, let me know. As a sign of friendship between our countries, I'll buy what you need, beyond what Amerique already has, oui?”

“Da. Spasibo.” Ivan sighed. He hated feeling like a burden. He hated that the Ruble was still not in good condition. 

“Don't feel like a burden. Feel like a guest of honor. They never have to pay, and you're a country! It's a big responsibility, but it also makes you a bit of a celebrity, non?” Francis grinned as Ivan shook his head.

“Maybe when you're France, known for beauty and love. I'm Russia. I'm known for cruelty and ice. It's a bit different for me.” He watched as Francis watched him, looking him over.

“You're a lot more self conscious than I realized. Relax. We're here for fun. It'll be nice to spend some time without worrying about the economy, or foreign trade agreements. Just smile.” Francis reached up and clasped his cheeks, forcing a smile onto the other, who started giggling at the contact.

“Spasibo.” Ivan let an honest smile cross his face before he shook his head and ran up the stairs. Francis grinned, knowing at least a little bit, Ivan felt better.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“I'm sorry.” Alfred frowned at the bottle Francis placed before him. “I can't drink.” he looked up, seeing Francis stare in surprise.

“I've seen you drink before. It's a good brand, I promise you.” Francis watched as Alfred paled, scooting away from the table as Ivan stirred something on the stove. He'd started cooking a couple of hours ago, and Ivan stared at his blood colored gloves as he chopped the beets. He forgot how horrible the cooking for borscht could look. 

“Just a couple of shots?” Francis asked as Arthur jumped up and ran, turning green. He rushed after as Alfred slammed the door to the bathroom. Francis could hear him vomit from outside of the room and frowned, wondering what had happened. He wasn't sick earlier. It seemed to be the thought of the whiskey that had done it. “Are you alright?” He called through the door.

“Peach-” He was cut off as he puked more. 

It was a few minutes til he finally came out of the room. “You look pale, Amerique. Come and sit.” Francis frowned as Alfred shook his head.

“No, it's four o'clock. I need to start working out.” He sighed as he walked past, the smell of toothpaste wafting past and Francis could only stare.

“You were just sick! You should sit! Look after your health!”

“I'll be eating that vegetable stew Ivan is making. That's enough for my health.” He walked out into the back yard and Francis watched as he dropped, starting on his push ups.

Arthur rushed down the stairs, shorts and a tee shirt as he looked around. “Where's Alfred? Is he alright?”

“He's working out.” Francis crossed his arms, staring through the glass at the boy, currently exercising. “I told him to sit down and take care of his health. He said it's four o'clock and blew me off. I'm actually really starting to worry about him.” Francis' eyes shifted over, meeting the emerald green of Arthur's eyes. 

“That's not like him. I'm starting to worry as well. He's so thin.” Arthur glanced up at Francis, his hands clasped nervously over his lap. “He said he's working out, but isn't it too much?”

“He's gotten weaker. He's thin and weak and right now, maybe an easy target.” Ivan grinned as he stirred the pot again, tossing in a few more things. 

“That's not funny.” Francis glared and Ivan turned, glancing over his shoulder, his eyes turning ice cold in an instant.

“I know it's not. No one is allowed to target him except me. If need be, I will defend him to prove that point.” Ivan watched as Francis' eyes widened. For Ivan, that was practically a declaration of love!

But given the circumstances, Francis couldn't let his mind focus on that. He turned, watching as Alfred flipped over for sit ups, trying to figure out what was going on. America had always been a bit pudgy because of all of those hamburgers, but thin and weak? That wasn't him.

Ivan put down the ladle and stretched out before turning and heading towards the back door. He only wore a button up and his slacks still, his boots comfortably on his feet as he stalked out the back door and right up to Alfred, leaning down, startling the other country. “What are you doing?” Alfred asked before Ivan reached out, clasping his hands over his wrists. Alfred pulled back, dragging Ivan over him and Ivan took the initiative and lifted his arms, pinning them to the ground over his head. Arthur and Francis ran out in a panic, seeing the fight, unaware of what was happening at all. 

“FIGHT BACK!” Ivan yelled as he laid on Alfred, his hands pinned to the floor, his face showing horror at the situation as he honestly fought back with all of his might, trying to roll, to squeeze his legs together to fight the other off of him. 

“I AM!” Alfred yanked on his arms, but nothing seemed to work. He finally fell still, staring up at Ivan who glared at him as he released his wrists and sat up.

“You've become weak, Alfred. You're sick. Go sit down. No more exercising. Your body can't handle it right now.” he stared as Alfred scrambled to his feet and rushed into the house, right up to his room.

“What have you done?” Francis practically whispered, startled but realizing at the same time. Alfred was too weak to even fight back. There was something wrong with him.

“I showed him what he's doing to himself. Maybe his understanding of what he's becoming will make him realize.” Ivan stared, and honestly the look on his face set Francis' nerves on end.

Ivan had just easily won a fight against America, so why did he look so wounded? He slowly stood up, brushed himself off and returned to the kitchen, washing his hands before continuing his cooking.

Arthur was the first to realize Ivan had noticed something and slowly made his way into the kitchen. He stared, trying to figure out how to ask, what to say when Ivan turned and saw right out fear in Arthur's eyes. “What is it? What's wrong with him?” Arthur asked softly, tears at the corners of his eyes. 

Alfred was still the one he loved as a little brother. He had others, Ralph and Matthew, but America was his pride and joy, the one he'd raised that actually became a superpower. His legs started to shake as he stared, trying to figure it out. “I know you know. The look on your face, you should have looked happy. You shouldn't have looked injured like that and I want to know why.”

“Because it wasn't a fair fight.” Ivan sighed. “That was the easiest it's ever been to hold him down. He normally has no problems fighting me off, yanking his hands from mine or finding a way to kick me.”

“But why?” Arthur asked, stepping forward. “Why was he so easy to defeat?”

“What isn't he doing that he normally does?” Ivan turned away, going back to the stew.

“I don't know. I can't think.” He slid a hand over his head, feeling faint from panic as Francis reached out and grasped him, sliding him to sit on the stool beside him.

“He hasn't touched a hamburger all day. We've been together since eight this morning, and since then, you've each had two sandwiches, Francis had peanuts and an apple, and Arthur, you had an orange and a cup of chicken soup. What has Alfred eaten?” Ivan asked and the others stared.

“He's not eating?” Francis turned to the stairs, surprised. “That can't be. Alfred doesn't have the willpower to go on a diet that severe. We must have just missed it.”

“Believe what you want.” Ivan spoke softly. “I know how thin he felt under me. That's not the America I know.” He sighed as he looked through the cabinets, pulling out bowls. “Watch what he eats. Let's see how well this goes.” He mumbled as he started filling the bowls, finishing each with a dollop of sour cream. He smiled as he looked them over. 

Francis looked over his shoulder, his eyes growing wide. “I'll have the opposite problem here, mon ami. Your borscht is always addictive.” he smiled, seeing a light shine from Ivan's eyes at the compliment. “I'll go get Alfred.”

“Don't worry.” Ivan spoke as Francis walked to the stairs. “We have a month. Maybe it'll be enough to help, Da?”

“I hope so.” Arthur sat at the table as Ivan slid a bowl before him and one before the spot Alfred had claimed that morning. As he put down the last two, the place settings already there, Ivan looked over the table and frowned. 

“Ah, odin moment.” He sighed as he ran back into the kitchen, bringing out a large pitcher of juice and four glasses. He poured them each before sliding the pitcher to the center of the table and sat, waiting for Francis and Alfred to come down.

Francis headed up the stairs and knocked at the door. Alfred opened it, staring with a dead, angry glare, crossing his arms. “What?”

“Dinner's ready.”

“I don't have much of an appetite right now.” he turned, trying to slam the door, but Francis caught it and reached in, grasping his arm.

“You haven't eaten anything all day, Alfred. You must be starved. It's actually a really good dish. Come, Enjoy, mon chere.” Francis spoke, the worry showing in his eyes and Alfred frowned, nodding.

“I'll be down in a second.” He sighed as he snuck back into the bedroom. Francis heard some shuffle before Alfred came back and sulked down the stairs, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. Francis watched as he slid something from his pocket and sighed. Francis reacted before he thought and grasped his hand, staring at the boy who suddenly looked terrified.

“What is this?” He asked, pulling open his hand, pulling a bottle of prescription medications from his hand. He reached down, pulling another bottle from his pocket and Francis stepped back, staring.

“Xenical and Belviq? You're on diet pills?” Francis asked looking over the bottles in shock. “You shouldn't be taking both of these at the same time! Alfred, it's dangerous!”

“I've been on them for almost three months and I'm fine.” Alfred reached out, trying to grasp the bottles back when Ivan's voice passed his ears.

“You are not fine, America.” He stared. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I eat every day.” He snarled and Francis noticed the worry in his eyes.

“No you don't.” He grasped Alfred's face, staring into his eyes and seeing the worry show harder. “When was the last time you really ate, Alfred?” he asked, staring as Alfred backed away, staring in surprise. Even Francis was stronger than him right now.

“He says he eats every day, but when asked when he properly eats, he freezes up. You haven't become bulimic on top of taking these pills and working out til you're sick, have you?” Ivan watched as Arthur stared, shaking. “I bet in your current condition even sweet little Sealand could take you down. Come and eat.” Ivan spoke with an air of finality, watching as Alfred slowly made his way to the table. “You eat, and you keep it down.”

“I can't.” Alfred nearly whispered and Arthur reached out, running his hands through his hair. 

“Alfred, what happened to you?” He looked to be near tears. “Your hair lost it's shine, your eyes aren't as bright as they always look. I thought you were sick, but this... I don't know how to fix this, Alfred.” He watched as Alfred swallowed hard.

“I don't need you to fix me. I'm fixing myself.” He spoke softly.

“You're killing yourself.” Ivan watched as Alfred went rigid. “You're sick in your mind. You need to eat to live, and if you're not keeping in food, what's going to happen to you, Alfred?” When Alfred didn't respond, Ivan stood up and walked around the table, grabbing Alfred's arm and dragged him up the stairs, kicking and screaming. He brought him into the bathroom he noticed had a full length mirror and started removing his shirt, Alfred fighting back the whole time, but he was too weak to hold out for long and the shirt was removed. Ivan grabbed his head, glancing over to see the other two staring in in horror. “Look, Alfred.” He held his head so he was looking at the mirror, but Alfred closed his eyes. “Open your eyes, see what you've become.” He growled and Alfred's eyes opened, staring at the mirror. “You're too thin. You've grown sick and weak. I just dragged you halfway across the house in a couple of minutes and half stripped you down. The America I know isn't this weak!” He yelled and Alfred stared.

“Why don't you see it?” Alfred glared at the mirror, staring at his stomach. “I don't understand why you'd think I'm so thin, I've always been fat!” He yanked his head forward, turning to look at Ivan. “I'm finally able to get rid of it! You've all been picking on me for years about my weight, but as soon as I start to lose some of it-”

“You lost all of it! Your body is eating your muscles to stay alive! Next it will be your heart and your brain!” Ivan grasped Alfred's head and forced it back to the mirror, pointing after his head was in the right position. “Your ribs are showing. I now know exactly where to kick to make you not be able to breathe anymore. Your arms are so thin you can't fight back. Your stomach is concave. It's one thing to have a flat stomach, but when it's actually bent in that's not good!” Ivan yelled as Alfred started fighting again, trying to free himself from the hands that snapped to his wrists as he tried to run. Ivan spun him and slammed him hard against the wall beside the mirror and glared. “Is this what you want to be, America? My bitch? You want to be so weak I can take out out without even fighting?” He asked at a low hiss and Alfred stared before tears came to his eyes. 

“I don't understand...” He whispered and Ivan backed away, staring. As Alfred's hands were released Francis took him and carefully lead him down the stairs.

Arthur looked up with worry, but he understood what Ivan was thinking. Scare it out of him. “Thank you.” He mumbled, his eyes meeting with the violet ones before him. “I wouldn't have had the strength to do that.”

“Right now, you do. He's horribly weak.” Ivan sighed, running his fingers through his hair, showing his frustration.

“Mentally.” Arthur spoke. “I couldn't do that to him. Keep... like that... If he doesn't stop. Please.” Arthur looked up and noticed the worry in Ivan's eyes. He wasn't handling this well either.

“I'll do my best.” Ivan sighed, patting Arthur's shoulder softly. “Let's go eat.”

They came down to the dining room and found Alfred sitting, staring at the bowl before him. “If I have to... keep it down... can I at least take off the sour cream?” He glanced over to Arthur, who sighed, shaking his head.

“No, you need it. Trust me, love, just stir it in.” He sat softly, patting Alfred's shoulder before looking at his own bowl. It didn't seem to be too much, but Alfred was staring as if he were given a thousand burgers. His eyes turned down to his bowl as he mixed in the sour cream on his and took a sip of the broth. “Good lord, this is amazing!” He glanced over, seeing Ivan grin, a bit proud to receive praise. 

“Ceci est vraiment incroyable, Ivan. You've outdone yourself.” Francis smiled and watched as Ivan smiled brighter before mixing his in and as he took a sip, he heard a similar sound from across the table and watched as Alfred sipped down the broth, his eyes watering. 

“It's different.” Alfred frowned. “I can't tell what it is, but something tastes... thick.” He took another sip, trying to figure it out. 

“Do you like it, though?” Francis asked and Alfred nodded as he took a bite, eating a potato.

Somehow, for Ivan, that was the biggest compliment he could get, knowing he'd made Alfred eat.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“No, not for another hour.” Arthur spoke with a frown as Alfred laid on the couch, his hands over his stomach. 

“But it hurts! I shouldn't have eaten the whole thing!” he grumbled, curling into a ball as Ivan sat down on the other side of the couch, lifting Alfred's legs and laying them over his lap. 

“It was only one bowl. If your stomach is in this much pain, then you're worse off than I imagined.” he watched as Alfred stilled, frowning.

“I still don't get why you still think you need to lose weight.” Francis spoke, looking down at the boy. “You're deathly thin. Why would you want to lose anymore?” He asked softly and was surprised to hear Ivan answer.

“It's probably our fault. No matter how much he weighs, he's always heard us telling him how fat he is. It's probably gotten into his head that he'd fat, and no matter how thin he is, he'll still hear those words.” He looked over, seeing Alfred staring at the ceiling. “Do you still hear it? After we've been telling you you're too thin all day, do you still hear us saying you're too fat?” He asked and Francis frowned at the tactic, but was surprised when slowly and honestly a bit jerky, Alfred nodded.

“I always hear it. I always will, and it'll always be true.” He covered his eyes as a light sob broke free from his chest and Arthur cradled his head, laying a soft hand over his chest.

Ivan sighed, but glanced over at Francis and motioned for him to come closer. He sighed as he looked up at Arthur and winced before he released the words, clamping his hands over Alfred's legs. “Arthur, hold him still.” Arthur nodded and held his arm with the hand that wasn't on his chest. “Francis, maybe it's for the best to check his room for more pills.” He watched as Francis nodded and turned, heading to the stairs as Alfred started bucking, fighting to get up. 

“No! Stay out of my room! You have no right!” He yelled as he fought, breaking free from Arthur's grip, which gave him the leverage to get away from Ivan, but he didn't get far. He fell to the floor and jumped up before stilling and stepping back before Arthur and Ivan reached him, just as he fell to the floor.

“What in the hell happened?” Arthur felt his pulse, finding it pounding in his neck.

“He's anorexic. It lowers their constitution and they faint. We need to get something with more sugar into him. Did he drink his juice?” Ivan asked and Arthur jumped up, running to the table.

“No, he only drank the water he'd gotten.” He notice Ivan hold out his hand and ran over, quickly handing over the cup.

“Wha...” Alfred blinked, sitting up and rubbed his head. “Sorry about that.” He frowned as he stood and stumbled a little, about to faint again before Arthur grasped him and pulled him to the couch. 

“Drink this.” Ivan frowned. “You're probably suffering from hypoglycemia.” He sighed as he sat on the other side of Alfred from Arthur. 

“What is it?” He took the glass with distrust and Ivan slapped a hand over his leg. 

“It's just cranberry juice. It'll help.” He watched as Alfred glanced over, realizing it wasn't an option, and slowly lifted the glass to his lip. He clenched his eyes and Ivan frowned, seeing his hand shaking.

“If you spill it or throw it, I'll just go get more. If you won't drink it, I'll have to force it down your throat.” He watched as Ivan glared, a bit angry and nodded. Alfred finally brought the cup to his lips and drank.

He only got in a few swallows before pulling the glass away quickly, gasping and wincing. “It burns!”

“Your body ate your stomach lining. You'll get used to it. Keep drinking.” Ivan frowned, really seeing the condition he was in. Alfred had already started having heart problems. It wouldn't have been long before he dropped dead, and for a country, that's really not a good thing. “If you keep this up, Alfred, I think you'll be dead within a month. A heart attack will most likely be at fault. You have medical degrees, you should know this stuff.”

“It's different when you're going through it!” Alfred grumbled as he brought the cup back to his lips. 

“How often do you faint?” Ivan asked, stilling the other. He chugged the glass of juice just to keep his mouth busy, but of course it didn't last forever.

“It's not like that. I just got dizzy. I didn't actually pass out.” He huffed and Ivan stared.

“You were unconscious for the better part of a minute. You were very much out. How often does it happen?” Ivan glared and Alfred curled up, staring up at the other with a horrified look before his hands clamped over his stomach. 

“I'm gonna be sick...” he grumbled as he stumbled to his feet and promptly fell over, puking on the carpet. He gagged for a couple of minutes while Arthur went to get a towel to clean up. “The juice was the only thing that came up...” Alfred stared and Ivan nodded.

“You've been down here for about two hours. The food is past your stomach. You made yourself ill on purpose, didn't you?” Ivan glared and Alfred shook his head.

“I didn't. I think it was too acidic.” Alfred sat up straight, his head still faced down, staring at the mess on the floor. “You probably think this is stupid, don't you?” Alfred's voice was soft, barely heard, but Ivan made out the words.

“No.” He watched with a softness in his eyes Alfred wasn't used to. “I think you're stupid, but I think the situation is too serious to be stupid, but it's alright. We'll try and help, Da? Just have some faith in us.” Ivan watched as Alfred just stared wide eyed at him. As Arthur rushed back, Ivan helped Alfred to his feet. “I'll take him to brush his teeth. He can't lose anymore enamel if he's been bulimic.” Ivan sighed and gave Arthur an apologetic look, which was blown off as Arthur smiled.

Arthur was thankful for his help. It gave Ivan a warm feeling as they headed to the bathroom in Alfred's room, but Ivan stood at his door. “Can I get privacy for this?”

“It's just brushing your teeth. Should be fine.” Ivan stared for a moment, but when he didn't move Ivan got suspicious and stepped forward, opening the cabinet.

The toothbrush and paste were on the bottom of the cabinet, but the two shelves above were filled with pill bottles, different types, sizes, prescription and not. “What is this?” Ivan glanced over the bottles and Alfred started grabbing the bottles, trying to keep them from Ivan's grasp, but Ivan grasped him and pulled him to the main part of his bedroom, calling Francis over. “They're in the cabinet in the bathroom. Have you searched everywhere else?”

“Nearly.” Francis sighed, a bag hanging from his arm, already filled with bottles. He headed to the bathroom as Ivan grabbed the bottles from Alfred's hands and forced him to drop them.

“I won't let you die on me, America.” He growled as Alfred fought to keep the bottles in this grasp. Ivan took his hands and pinned them to the wall, finding one bottle in each, bottles strewn across the floor and glanced up, seeing the panic in Alfred's face. Ivan quickly pulled down, releasing the bottles from his hands and reached around, lifting the other country and sat on the bed, holding the other to his lap. Alfred fought to escape as he watched Francis make his way out of the bathroom, the bag in his hand almost overfilled. He'd really found all of his pills. He shook his head.

“At least leave me the vitamins!” He called out and Francis stared, his eyes narrowed before he sighed.

“We'll check to make sure they ARE vitamins first.” He spoke as he collected the bottles from the floor. 

“When did this start? This... diet you're on?” Ivan asked and Alfred fell quiet. Francis stared, curious as well. “You mentioned three months earlier, did this start then?” He asked and Alfred swallowed hard before shaking his head. “When?”

“About... a year ago.” He whispered. “I was doing pretty well, but I wasn't losing nearly any weight, so I got the pills from a few different doctors. That was about... eight months ago?” he spoke softly, knowing they'd see the dates on the bottles anyway. Alfred shifted nervously, his brow twitching at the close proximity of the other. 

“After Francis collects the pills and your teeth are brushed, you're going to drink a glass of milk.” Ivan stared. “You'll start drinking milk at each meal. You will eat each meal.” Ivan saw the panic that crossed the man in his lap and sighed. “You will eat, Alfred. You are done starving yourself. As weak as you are right now, if Cuba decided to invade, you would lose. If Italy fought you, you would lose. Italy, Alfred. You are so weak it's pathetic. You're supposed to be a superpower, not this.” Ivan sighed and Alfred snarled.

“My strength is determined by my people, and they're stronger than this!” Alfred yelled as Ivan sighed, looking at him.

“Your country seems on the verge of a revolution. Your citizens are demanding things your government refuses to allow. Your strength is cut in half because of this, if not quartered, as there aren't so many government officials. Your country is in decline. On the internet, other countries pity your citizens for things they say. Paying to be rejected for college applications. Being in debt for medical bills. Alfred, you are truly weak.” Ivan spoke softly, watching as Alfred's eyes widened. 

“I just couldn't handle the picking anymore. If I lose the weight no one will call me fat anymore! I can't be fat anymore! It's disgusting!” Alfred nearly sobbed, trying to free himself from Ivan's lap, not to reach his pills, but to cover his ears from the hurtful words.

“No one would call you fat anymore, Alfred. No one.” Ivan watched as Alfred stilled, shaking like a leaf. 

“But... they would.” Alfred whispered and Ivan thought. He smiled as an idea came to his head. 

Francis walked past with the pills and Ivan released Alfred. “Brush your teeth. After that, take off your shirt.” He spoke as he closed the main door, to make sure he could hear if the other tried to escape. He went through his drawers, hoping to find shorter shorts, but none where there. 

He could make due, Ivan grumbled as the water cut off after a few minutes and Alfred came out with a glare in his eyes. “Take off your shirt.”

“What? Why?” Alfred asked, afraid, and Ivan frowned.

“Proving a point. I'm going to take your picture.” Ivan pulled out his camera and Alfred frowned, hugging his arms over himself.

“You can't take a picture of me like this! I'm disgusting!” Alfred moaned and Ivan shook his head.

“You are. That's why I'm taking this picture. To show you why. Off.” He crossed his arms, watching as Alfred slowly pulled the shirt from himself. Ivan pulled out his phone and held it up, having him step closer for the lighting. The picture was taken and Ivan sent it to the 'world' forward group he had.

'America thinks he is too fat. What do you think?' Was all he typed in, but Alfred didn't know about any of that. He'd let it sit for the night before responding. He turned off his phone and slid it into his pocket, knowing if he didn't it would start driving him crazy. “You can put your shirt on if you want. You should come downstairs. I don't think we should leave you alone for a while.” Ivan spoke, but Alfred just stood there, his arms over his chest. “Fine, but if I hear this door open, I'm coming to find you. I'm not kidding. No pills, no starving. For now, no exercising. If I hear sounds, I'll come to check on you.” Ivan sighed as he turned, walking from the room, finally leaving Alfred to gather his thoughts alone for a minute.

Ivan came into the living room to find Francis and Arthur staring at their phones in horror. “Don't comment on those. Turn your phones off. I want Alfred to see what others who aren't influenced by being here think of what he looks like now.” He spoke and Francis nodded, turning his phone off, while Arthur took a few more minutes to stare. “We need to go through these pills and find out what he's been on.” Ivan sat, looking at the bag, filled to the top with different bottles. Francis pulled out a laptop to find the website to identify different pills, as they could tell the bottles had different pills shoved into them. They popped the tops and started sorting through them, finding many different types, and as a bottle was emptied, Francis would point out the name and description of the pill so they could throw the right ones in.

In the end there were a few bottles of vitamins, and Ivan sighed, remembering Alfred asking to keep those, and honestly didn't feel that it could hurt. Maybe taking the vitamins would help him recover faster, after all. He went up to Alfred's room and knocked at the door, hearing a panicked shuffle before Alfred opened the door, wrapped head to toe in a blanket. “What?”

“Are you hiding something, America?” Ivan glared and Alfred returned the look with gusto. 

“Nothing you need to know about.” He grumbled, but Ivan wasn't happy with that answer and reached out, pulling the blanket away quickly, much to both of their embarrassment.

Alfred was completely naked, having been in the middle of changing into his bedclothes. Ivan quickly pulled the blanket back forward, his cheeks burning red as he swallowed hard, as embarrassed as could be.

“Mne zhal', I didn't know if you were doing something you had been forbidden from.” He watched as Alfred's cheeks burned as badly as his. “I know you asked to keep your vitamins, so I brought you a bottle. No more than the back of the label says, Da?”

“I know.” Alfred frowned. “Thanks.” He wrapped his hand around the plastic bottle and stared. “You made sure they were only vitamins first, didn't you?” He asked, more disappointed than anything else and Ivan nodded.

“It's for your own good. I know you don't see it right now, but you will. Trust me.” He softly let his hand pat Alfred's head, who brushed it away and stepped back, closing his door quickly.

“Don't touch me after you saw me naked! That's freaky as fuck, dude!” He called through the door and Ivan couldn't help but chuckle.

“You're too thin for it to have been a turn on, Fredka. I would have preferred to see you the way you were a year ago.” He smiled softly, hearing the sound on the other side of the door still.

“I was fat. That's disgusting.” Alfred grumbled, not able to see Ivan's smile through the door.

“What you are now is more disgusting. I'd rather have you healthy and a little bigger, but able to fight back.” He chuckled as he let his hand tenderly caress the door between them. “Spokoynoy nochi, Fredka.”

“Night, Ivan.” He heard as he turned, heading back down the stairs.

It was an hour later that the pills were finished being sorted, the pill types saved into a list, and Francis emailed that list to a doctor to find out if it was alright to just stop giving those to him. Shortly after that, everyone decided to retire for the evening.

As Ivan laid down to go to sleep that night, he couldn't help but remember. Without his clothes, Alfred looked even thinner. His hip bones were sticking out. His whole body looked so... small. It just didn't settle well.

Francis was making breakfast, so at least they had that to look forward to, he sighed as he closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ivan knocked at Alfred's door, but after he didn't answer, he opened it to find the other passed out on the floor. He sighed as he walked over, knowing he'd probably just passed out and lifted him, laying him on the bed. His pulse beat too quickly and Ivan sighed as he looked him over, making sure he didn't hit his head. “He alright?” Arthur asked from the doorway and Ivan turned, a half-dead look on his face.

“He fainted again. He'll be fine. Do me a favor, make up two cups of coffee.” Ivan pleaded and Arthur nodded, a sturdy frown on his face. 

Alfred started to stir and opened his eyes, surprised to find Ivan leaning over his bed. “Why are you in my room?”

“You fainted again. Get dressed, it's time for breakfast.” Ivan spoke softly as he stepped back, allowing Alfred to stand, to make sure he didn't pass out again. He didn't, and Ivan left the room to allow him privacy for dressing. 

Alfred came out a few minutes later, looking a bit depressed, his eyes refusing to look up to meet anyone as he shuffled down the stairs, taking his seat at the table with trepidation as Francis slid a plate before him. “Are these... begnets?” He looked up with curiosity as Francis grinned with a nod.

“I know you used to love them. I have some strawberry jam if you'd like.” He patted Alfred's shoulder as the other shook his head. 

Four begnets, absolutely covered in powdered sugar. “Do I have to eat all of them?” He looked up as Ivan nodded. 

“You used to eat them a dozen at a time. I think you should be able to handle four.” He spoke softly before lifting one to his own mouth. He'd heard of these in the past, but had never had the chance to try them and as he took a bite Ivan was sure it tasted like being in love felt. “Oh... This is amazing.” He glanced over to Francis, who shone with pride at the compliment. Arthur sat and nibbled, making some comment about how they weren't bad, but he could have made it better and Francis giggled, starting a glaring war between the two.

Alfred's hand shook as he brought the food to his mouth. Ivan watched as he nibbled at the side, his eyes closing as he chewed slowly. “It's very good.” He spoke softly and Francis smiled, his eyes sliding over to the American as his hand lifted, running it through his hair. 

“You eat as many as you want, alright? I have more made up, and I can always whip up another batch.” he watched as Alfred nodded, then to everyone's surprise, took a much larger bite. It only took a few minutes for him to devour all four and he looked up with a wince.

“You said there were more, right?” He asked with a worried tone and Francis grinned as he nodded and ran to grab the rest of the batch, laying them out on a platter in the center of the table. Alfred ate another three and washed it down with his milk before downing another three and ran to get more milk. 

“He's binging.” Ivan sighed, laying his head on his hand.

“So... his body recognized something it needs in the food and it's telling him to keep eating?” Arthur asked as Ivan nodded.

“And since it's begnets, no offense, Francis, but it doesn't really have anything except calories.” he frowned as Alfred rushed over and sat down, laying the half gallon of milk in the center of the table.

“If you eat many more, you'll be in pain.” Ivan watched as Alfred shrugged, but kept eating. 

“They're too good not to finish.” He grinned as he ate another. 

“You've had a dozen. Remember, you can't throw them back up.” Arthur spoke and Alfred froze, one pupil blowing in fear as it seemed to dawn on him what he was doing.

“Sorry.” He stood and nearly ran from the table, nearly running to the living room. 

Ivan stood, wiping the corner of his mouth as he patted Francis' shoulder. “I have this. You relax.” He stated with a warm smile before walking to the other room, finding Alfred curled up on the couch, a pillow pressed to his stomach. “Are you alright?”

“Just surprised.” Alfred watched him carefully, though Ivan wasn't sure why. He sat and observed Alfred's behavior. “I didn't realize my stomach was still big enough to eat that much.” He sighed as he pulled his face down into the pillow.

“Do you binge eat a lot?” Ivan asked, hoping maybe that would be able to help when they tried to keep him eating. Slightly too much was definitely better than not enough right now.

“I think that was the first time that happened.” Alfred mumbled, muffled by the pillow. “How embarrassing!”

“You used to eat that much all the time and feel shameless about it. Why be ashamed now?” Ivan watched as Alfred's eyes inched up to meet his. 

“Because I realized how disgusting I am. I shouldn't eat. I should get thin and become handsome! I'm America! I'm supposed to be handsome, not some fat slob!” Alfred bawled and Ivan stood from the chair and walked over, softly laying his hand on his back and rubbed, trying to comfort. He cringed at the realization the hard bumps he was feeling was Alfred's spine.

“You just reminded me of something I did yesterday. Let's see what everyone thinks of you right now.” Ivan pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on, hearing the constant ding of text messages after it finished loading. “I texted that picture of you without your shirt to everyone.”

“Why would you do that?!” Alfred gasped out in shock as Ivan laid a hand over his mouth. 

“I said with it 'Alfred thinks he is too fat. What do you think?'” Ivan looked up, seeing Alfred's eyes wide on him in horror. “China has asked how long I've been starving you.” He glared at his phone before going on to the next. “Canada says he's on his way over. He's now scared for your health.” Ivan glanced over, seeing Alfred stare at the phone in his hands. “Italy says you should eat more, you look sick. Romania has asked if America is having a famine. South Korea has told him you are.” Ivan rolled his eyes. “Estonia asks when I got so good at photoshop.” Ivan couldn't help but laugh at that. He had the program for his computer, but after days of playing with it, he couldn't get it to do nearly anything he'd wanted, so he gave up. “There are so many messages, Alfred. Message after message asking if this is even real, asking why you're so thin. Not fat. No one on her, not a single person, has said you are too fat.” Ivan watched as Alfred's eyes widened, tears glistening at the corners as he stared amazed at the phone.

“Let me see!” He reached out and grasped the phone, scrolling up to the top and looking at the picture. His eyes widened as he looked, and Ivan watched as he shook his head. “No one else can see it?” Alfred looked up with wide eyes and Ivan sighed, patting his back. 

“Where exactly do you think you're too fat? Show me.” He asked and Alfred nodded and stood, lifting up his shirt and pointed at his stomach. Ivan ran a hand over the skin, surprising the other. “There's no fat here, Alfred. What else are you going to lose, skin?” He asked and Alfred looked down at his stomach, his hand reaching down to run over the flesh, surprised. “Alfred, there is no fat. You're deathly thin. Where else? Show me.” He spoke and Alfred nodded and reached down, lifting the bottom of his shorts, showing off the back of his thigh. Ivan ran a hand over the skin there and winced. “Your muscle is breaking down. There's no fat here, Alfred. You're losing muscle instead.” He glanced up, seeing tears in Alfred's eyes. “Where else?” He asked and Alfred lifted his arm, showing his triceps and Ivan ran a hand over the area there. It must have been more fat than the rest of his body, because there was still a thin layer of fat. “This isn't enough to keep you healthy. Your muscle there is nearly ready to start breaking down. So far, this is the healthiest part of you I've seen.” Ivan glanced up at Alfred who stood tall, his head forward, but his tears were undeniable. “Where else?” Alfred's hand slowly reached up and pointed at his chin and Ivan frowned, moving up and looking at the area. His fingers traced the area before moving over it, and though there was a little give, it was excess skin from rapid weight loss, not fat that he found there. “No fat. There is no fat on you, Alfred. None at all. You have no more to lose. Next will be muscle, followed by your life. That's all you have to lose left.” Ivan spoke softly, moving his face so Alfred could see him. Alfred didn't move his face, as if frozen solid, tears still dripping down from his chin to the floor. 

“Why do you even care?” Alfred whimpered, his eyes wincing as if feeling physical pain from the words Ivan had spoken. “You've always hated me. You've never wanted me around anyway, so isn't this good for you? Isn't this you getting what you want?” He bit out and Ivan smiled, a gentle gesture as his hand slid over Alfred's neck, the softness of the touch surprising him. 

“I pick, and I am mean. I am cruel and violent. I have said I hate you, but I never have. I... can be confusing and condescending, and say things I don't mean, but I have never hated you, Alfred. There have been times where I am jealous. There have been times where I have been angry, but not because of hatred.” Ivan watched as the words processed in Alfred's head.

“I don't understand.” Alfred watched as Ivan tried to think of how to word this.

“You keep me sane, Alfred. You're the only one who can pick and tease me. You're the only one with the strength and energy to remind me I'm not at the top. You're the one I need to stay, because you're the only one who reminds me there's more. There's something else to strive for, and if you fall sick and die, I may succeed for a bit, but there will be nothing to win. I'll grow bored and weary, and without you to balance me out, I'll fall.” He spoke, watching as Alfred stared, surprised at the answer he got. 

“You really feel like that?” He asked and Ivan nodded.

“I did, until this popped up. Now I'm worried of losing my favorite play toy.” Ivan let worry show in his eyes as he stared into Alfred's blue ones, and for a split second he couldn't breathe. Something in Alfred just snapped as he stared and the tears that had been slowly fading away came back full force. He crumbled to the floor, surprising the other, and Ivan reached down, putting his arms around him a bit uncomfortably, as he honestly wasn't good at helping in these situations. He was even more surprised when Alfred grasped the front of his shirt and pulled himself to his chest, a complete sobbing mess. Ivan wrapped his arms around him and just sat, patting and rubbing softly as he looked at the doorway, hoping Francis or Arthur would come soon. They had parental instincts! They knew how to comfort someone in this situation! What in the hell! He tried to calm himself, looking at the top of the man's head, pressed hard to his shoulder and sighed, letting out the stress as he let his arms wrap around, holding him close. “Why are you crying? I don't understand this.” Ivan spoke softly, not trying to stop him, just figure it out.

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to trouble anyone! I didn't mean to upset anyone! I just wanted to be thinner! I wanted to stop being picked on!” He cried out, followed by strings of sobbed out, teary apologies.

“Just work on getting better and I'll forgive you.” Ivan closed his eyes, feeling the warmth from the other. Somehow it was a comfort and Ivan let a smile tick up the corner of his mouth as he heard a sound and looked up, seeing Francis and Arthur staring from the doorway with wide eyes. Francis laid a hand softly on Arthur's arm and motioned towards the back patio and Arthur nodded, following him outside to leave them in peace. It did look like some sort of tender moment after all.

“Did you see the look on his face?” Francis grinned, his eyes wide. “I never thought I'd see Ivan like that!” 

“That was a little much for my old heart to handle.” Arthur admitted. “Alfred looking so vulnerable and Ivan holding him with a smile like that...” He shook his head. “I knew he'd grow up, but somehow, even after how long it's been, it doesn't seem like I've had enough time to prepare.” He watched as Francis moved around the table, sitting down across from him.

“I think maybe, for now, we should put our rivalries on hold. What do you say to a temporary ceasefire?” Francis held out his hand and Arthur sighed.

“We won't be accomplishing our goals, but he's my son.” Arthur looked up, the fear in his eyes wiping the smile from Francis' face. “I can't fight you if it might not be the best right now.” Arthur held out his hand to Francis and they allowed a short shake between them. 

“Have any ideas on how to deal with this situation, mon ami? Honestly, I know a little bit about these problems, but I haven't gotten an email back from the doctor yet. I can't say what's best for this situation.” Francis huffed in frustration.

After all, he was Alfred's father as well. He may not have kept the colony, but there were still spaces across America that remembered when Francis Bonnefoy was there! Look at Louisiana! New Orleans! The entirety of the Cajun population!

“I know nothing of these problems. I have a few citizens who suffer from them, but not enough to catch my radar. How do I deal with something like this?” Arthur looked up in wonder, watching as Francis' eyes shifted to the sea, looking at the horizon. 

“So we're both clueless. This will do little good. Maybe we should talk to the governments about pushing this month back, until Alfred is healthier.” He watched as Arthur shook his head.

“We'll call a doctor out here. We'll handle it without the panic Alfred being seen will cause others. We'll just have to be his support until we know HOW to support him.” Arthur ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, which somehow fell right back where it was. “If anything, we might need more than a month.” he glanced over, seeing Francis stare with the corner of his lip ticking down, his eyes still on the water.

“I was worried you'd say that, and that I would have no comeback for it.” Francis sighed before hearing a fairly loud electric scooter pull up to the front of the house and glanced over to Arthur, who sat up, hearing it as well. They both stood and walked around the house, wondering who would arrive at such a time and were surprised to see a familiar face stand up from the vehicle, after removing the helmet. 

“America? Weren't you just inside?” Arthur asked as a hand snapped out, smacking him in the back of the head.

“It's Canada. Matthew.” He stared as Arthur nodded, a blush rushing over his cheeks. “I'm curious as to why he's here, though. You don't think he came here just to see me, do you?” Francis grinned as Matthew sat up, no humor on his face as he stared, a bag in his hand. 

“Where's my brother?”

“He's inside. He's just had a bit of a... meltdown and we felt it best to leave him and Ivan alone for a moment.” Arthur spoke softly. It wasn't often Mattie had this cold look on his face. 

Mattie let out a ragged breath, running his hand over his head and stared at the two, curious. “Was the picture real?” He asked, hoping to hear a no.

“What picture?” Francis asked. Mattie pulled out his cellphone and ran through til he found it and held it up for the others to see. Francis winced, looking him over. “Oui, it is.”

“What happened?” Mattie asked, feeling angry about something that must have been horrible happening to his brother. Was he taken captive somewhere? Had be been tortured?

“He has anorexia and bulimia. We didn't know til yesterday, and we have no idea what to do.” Francis admitted. “Ivan seems the most knowledgeable, which is a little surprising, now that I think about it.” Francis watched as Mattie's eyes met his, waiting for a punchline at first, before widening in realization that this wasn't a joke.

“Alfred? My brother, Alfred, who pigs out at every world meeting is anorexic?” He asked, bewildered and Francis frowned.

None of them were taking this well. “Did you see him eat any at the meeting the other day?” Francis asked and Mattie stilled, trying to remember. “Have you seen him eat anything in the last year?” Francis asked, his eyebrow quirking up and Mattie stared.

“A...year? He's been hiding this for a year from us?” He now looked near tears and Francis nodded.

“He's not doing well right now. He's fainted twice. We confiscated probably four dozen pill bottles, about eight different types not including the vitamins, he panics when we make him eat. We have to keep an eye on him for a couple of hours to make sure he doesn't throw it back up. I have no idea how to deal with this.” Arthur started crying as he spoke and Mattie rushed forward, tossing his arms around and holding him close.

“What kind of pills?” Mattie asked and Francis remembered.

“You're a doctor, aren't you?” He sat up, a bit hopeful and Mattie nodded.

“Have been for nearly a hundred years.” He watched as Francis beamed, his pride in his son showing brightly. 

“Vous êtes un ange, Mathieu! Merci beaucoup d'être venus!” Francis nearly cried as well and Matthew couldn't help but smile, feeling an oddly warm welcome for such a horrific situation. “I have the list in my laptop, on the back patio. Come, and Arthur can get you some tea.” Francis smiled as he took Matthew's hand and lead him to the back, noticing Arthur calm at being given something to distract himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Matthew Williams had gotten his doctorate many years ago, but always went to classes, always attended more and more conventions, he never stopped learning. When the other countries, the few who remembered him, asked him why he felt it was so important to be so up to date on the medical profession, he always said it was to make sure he could be helpful in any situation.

When Matthew stared over a sheet of paper, covered in the names of prescription pills, all of them for diets or weight loss, most of them dangerous, many of them possibly fatal to mix with each other, He almost wished he didn't understand, that he could stand and stare oblivious, like Arthur and Francis were doing to him right now. 

“How many is he taking? Do you know any quantities?” Matthew asked, trying to be as professional as possible. Ah, so this is why doctors aren't allowed to treat family.

“Arthur, you stay here. I'll go ask him, alright?” Francis smiled and softly patted his shoulder before wandering into the house, slipping a pen from the counter before heading into the living room.

“What are you doing so far?” Mattie asked, staring ahead, feeling as if his life were slipping away. Like he was half dead, the other half gone with his brother. Somehow the truth was so much more than the fear on his way over had been. At least he'd still had that hope, but now it was gone. He thought maybe he could just make sure he gained his weight back easily, but that was gone now. 

“Making sure he eats, and doesn't throw up. We took all of the pills, but we gave him back the vitamins after making sure that's all they were. As thin as he is, he keeps saying he's too fat, and Ivan-” Arthur sniffed, wiping his eyes. “Ivan said it's our fault because we kept picking on him over his weight.” Arthur sniffed again, his eyes locked on Mattie's soft eyes. 

Arthur felt a chill as he noticed them for the first time. Usually a soft violet, his eyes were nearly mauve right now. It looked like the same eyes Ivan had before he did something terrifying. “That's not how this works. It's not our fault, exactly, but it wasn't a help. Eating disorders like this are caused by mental conditioning. We picked on him and made him feel fat. He started dieting and losing weight, but the diet grew out of control and started eating away at him. The problem is, his self image makes him see himself the same way he looked before, if not worse. He doesn't understand that he's thin.” Mattie stared ahead, a blank expression. “He will understand his life is in danger before he realizes he's not fat, so you have to be prepared for that.” Mattie looked down, looking over the pill lists. “Can I have the bottles of pills, please?” He asked and Arthur stood, stumbling into the kitchen to pull them from the chained cabinet. He brought the bag out and Mattie winced as he looked at the size of it. He wouldn't have survived to take them all if he hadn't been found. He started shifting through, finding the bottles and looking over labels. He would be making sure each one of these doctors was suspended for this, if not worse. 

“Here's the dosages he was on.” Francis slid the list before him and Mattie frowned.

He had been taking them all. It was a miracle he hadn't suffered a heart attack yet at the amounts he was taking. “You're all going to be here with him for the next month, right?” He glanced up and Arthur nodded.

“If not longer. We won't leave until he's better.” Arthur spoke with conviction, which finally caused a sadness to cross Matthew's eyes, but a smile started at his lip. 

Arthur had always been such a kind father. 

“It could be years before he's over this. It's not just like you can snap your fingers and he'll recover. He should be put into therapy. He should be hospitalized, but if you'll be taking proper care of him, this would probably be better mentally for him.” Mattie looked over the lists again before pulling out pill bottles and sighing. He had to stop and think, or pull out his laptop to make sure he was correct a few times before handing three bottles back to Francis. “One of each, once a day. Have him take them at separate meals, one at breakfast, one at lunch, one at dinner. There are fourteen pills in each bottle. That should be enough to ween him off. He might fall into depression. If that happens, call me, and I'll get him something for that. I'm not going to stay, but I won't be too far away, either. As his doctor, I don't want to be too close, in case something happens, and a hard decision needs to be made.” he glanced down, closing his eyes.

“And as his brother?” Francis asked softly, patting his shoulder, and Mattie just sat there, numb.

“I don’t' know. I want to go hug him, then punch him in the face. I'm happy this was caught before he died, but I don't think there would have been much more time til that. I wish you guys would have gotten this punishment six months ago. It would have been so much easier then.” Mattie leaned forward, his head resting on his hands. “I should go see him.” Mattie nearly whispered before standing, sliding his laptop back into its bag, and the pills into the bag. He walked around and put them into his scooter's basket before walking through the front door with Francis and Arthur at his sides. Francis lead him through to the living room, and Alfred glanced up, seeing Mattie and smiled gently.

“Hey, bro. Long time no see.” He watched as hurt eyes looked him over.

“I saw you at the meeting two days ago. Take off your shirt.” Mattie spoke softly and Alfred frowned, but did as he was told. He knew the look in his brother's eye. That was the look he had before he helped England burn the capital down two hundred years ago. It was the look he had when he beat the hell out of Germany at the border of Netherlands seventy years ago.

This was not a look to be trifled with. He slid the shirt off and stood, letting Mattie look him over as he wished. Eyes wandered over him from everyone else in the room. Ivan let out a sigh before Mattie spoke again. “How much do you weight?”

“91 pounds.” He answered, his eyes shifting, but only Mattie understood the weight. 

“You way six stone.” He spoke, watching as Francis and Arthur's heads turned in surprise. “You're pale, and I heard you've passed out twice since you got here yesterday. Alfred, you know you need help, right?”

“Just a couple more pounds, Mattie. That's all I need-” Alfred's words halted as a hand was brought harshly across his cheek. 

“Mathieu!” Francis gasped out as Matthew glared at his brother.

“One more word about losing weight and I will have you committed. Do you understand me?” He asked and Alfred nodded, surprised at the hostility his brother had. It was easy to forget he could be like this too. “I've given Francis three medications to keep you from dropping dead from a fucking heart attack, which it's honestly a surprise hasn't already happened. Take the vitamins you have, three a day.”

“I'm only supposed to take two.” Alfred mumbled and Mattie turned to Francis, who reached into his pocket to pull a bottle out and handed it to the younger brother, who looked over the label. 

“Take one just before each meal. Three a day. Do this until you reach 110.” Mattie stared before a hand slid over his eyes. “God dammit, Alfred! This isn't alright!” He cried and Alfred grasped his shirt and slid it back on, his eyes wide and staring. He didn't know how to handle this. 

“I'm sorry.” He whispered and Mattie rushed forward, tossing his arms around him. 

“You're so thin I can feel all of the bones...” Mattie cried. “You never cared before what anyone else thought! Why did you suddenly fall into this?” Mattie hugged him tighter and Alfred finally relaxed, hugging him back.

“I don't know. I just woke up one day and looked in the mirror and decided it was too much. I was done being picked on for being fat. I didn't even realize how thin I got til I saw the picture on Ivan's phone an hour ago. How can I look like that and feel this fat at the same time? It doesn't make sense!” Alfred cried and Mattie felt relief.

He was realizing he really was too thin. “It's because your eyes are biased about your looks. Don't pay attention to them! Don't look at yourself in a mirror. Don't worry about how you think you should look, because you're not seeing yourself right. Listen to Dad and Papa. Listen to me.” Mattie backed away, grasping the sides of Alfred's head and looked into his eyes. “Don't worry about what you look like. Worry about how healthy you are.” He looked into blue eyes and watched for that short nod he knew would come before backing away. “I'm going to the cabin. I'll be there for the month. If you need anything, let me know. If you start falling into a depression, let me know immediately.”

“So you'll be around?” Alfred's spirits lit a little and Mattie nodded. 

“I'll be coming by regularly to check on you. I don't want to be here too much. I don't want to be influenced by the situations if something happens.” Mattie ran a hand over Alfred's hair and sighed.

It was so dull in comparison to what it usually was. “If you need me, though, you know I won't stay away. Just take care, alright?” He asked softly and Alfred nodded, a genuine smile crossing his face before Mattie turned and walked back to the scooter and quickly drove away.

“What cabin was he talking about?” Francis asked as he watched the scooter go to the next house over and pull into the driveway. “Ce que l'enfer...” Francis stared before he burst out laughing, realizing that indeed, Mattie was next door.

“He has the cabin next door?” Arthur asked with a humorous smile and Alfred chuckled, nerves setting in.

“I annoy the hell out of him, so he doesn’t' want to stay at my place, so he got a vacation home there.” Alfred watched with a smile. 

“I'll go make lunch. You two can keep an eye for a while, Da?” Ivan asked before turning and walking away, leaving Arthur and Francis looking at Alfred, who was now staring at his shoes. 

“I can't do anything too much, you know. You took my pills, you're forcing me to eat. What am I going to do?” He sighed as he turned and walked inside. 

“Try and get in touch with another shady doctor? Start trying to exercise? I know you don't like being watched like this, love, but we need to make sure you're getting better.” Arthur spoke softly, running a hand over Alfred's shoulder.

“I can still teach Ivan to swim, right?” He looked over and Francis sat up, a little surprised at the question.

“That shouldn't be a problem, I don't think. Let me check with Mathieu, he knows more about this than I do.” He frowned as he pulled out his phone.

“We need to find something to do for a month, and now we're going to be making sure to eat healthier. We can look up recipes and try them out!” Arthur smiled, causing a nervous ripple through the others in the room.

“That doesn't sound like a bad idea.” Francis cringed, hoping they could talk him into NOT trying to cook. “We could go hit all of the tourist attractions!” Francis grinned. “We're in Hawaii! We can go to a luau and watch the poi spinners!” He grinned.

“If Matthew thinks it's alright, maybe we can learn to do it ourselves. It might be fun.” Arthur grinned and Francis nodded, looking at the boy between them, his head down.

“What do you think?” Francis asked, watching as Alfred stared at the carpet.

“Maybe we could go fishing, or scuba diving. There's a lot of beautiful areas around here for that, but it'll have to wait til Ivan feels better on the water.” Alfred sighed. “It's kind of hard to come up with something for such a mismatched group.” Alfred glanced over as Arthur grinned.

“We can play cards.” He looked between the two, who both yelled out at the same time.

“You cheat!”

They looked between themselves for a moment before they all started laughing. It wasn't long until Ivan joined them, a soft smile on his face. “What's going on?” He asked, seeing Francis with a pad of paper on his lap, writing with a smile.

“We're looking over things to do for the next month.” Francis smiled. “Mathieu says no exercise, but swimming and light exercises should be fine, as long as he's not doing laps.” Francis smiled as he looked up, seeing Ivan watching with curiosity.

“That means I can still teach you to swim.” Alfred grinned and Ivan sat with a nod. “I still like the idea of learning poi. That sounds like a lot of fun.” Alfred grinned and Ivan stared.

“Poi?”

“Yeah.” Alfred lit up. “It's like fire on a string, and you swing them around like a dance. It's a big thing here in Hawaii.” 

“Actual fire?” Ivan sat up, surprised. America was known for being stupid, but dancing with fire was usually considered a term, not an actual thing!

“Yeah! We're going to hit a luau tonight and you can see! It'll be fun!” Alfred grinned while Arthur patted his back.

“And better than those damned hamburgers you used to eat. Maybe this'll be a good way to reset your diet?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow.

“He doesn't want it set to what you'd feed him!” Francis snarled. “Crisps and spotted dick, deep fried everything, scotch eggs, it's no wonder he turned to hamburgers and chips!” Francis watched as Arthur's eyes widened in surprise.

“But... scotch eggs are really good.” He frowned as he turned, looking down at his knees as Alfred started to laugh.

“They are.” He grinned, sliding a hand over Arthur's shoulder and giving him a hug.

“You all are closer than I would have thought.” Ivan smiled, looking at the group. 

“Of course we're close.” Alfred smiled, hugging both others to him. “Francis and Arthur are like my parents. They raised me and took care of me. We may fight a lot, but isn't that normal with families?” He asked and Ivan watched before his eyes shifted to his knees.

“I wouldn't know.” Ivan sighed. “No one raised me like you. I had Irunya and Natalia, and Irunya did take care of me a bit, but I've not been allowed to see her since 91.” Ivan watched with a little jealousy at the familial display before him. “Maybe family just means something different on my side of the world, but I've never gotten into a fight with them, picked on them and then just been able to laugh it away.” He watched as they eyes on him widened.

“I'm sorry.” Alfred spoke softly. “Maybe it's time to try and make a new family, then.”

“The last time I tried that you broke me, America. You helped them break away from me, and they won't even look at me now.” He watched as Alfred's eyes widened.

“If you're thinking of the U.S.S.R. As a family, you need more help than I thought! It's fine, we can teach you.” Alfred grinned, missing the paling faces at his sides.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Arthur stared at the plate before him. Two hours after Alfred says he'd teach Ivan to be in a family, they're all sitting around eating this... thing. “What is this?”

“Is piroshki, Da? Try it!” Ivan grinned as Francis bit into the bun in his hand. The bread was soft and tasty, the filling was exceptional. Meat and onions with spices that really made the whole dish pop. 

“You're so much better at this than you were two hundred years ago!” Francis grinned as Ivan chuckled, a genuine smile creeping across his face. 

Alfred took a nibble, not reaching the filling, or even understanding that there was some. The inside of the bread was soft and flavorful, yeasty and bouncy, while the outside was crisp and a little flaky. It was delicious! He took a bigger bite and noticed the filling, tasting it before placing a hand over his mouth to try and keep the juice from escaping. Some sort of spice, onion, meat. “It's like a Russian hamburger!” He giggled as he ate. The piroshki were small, so he ended out eating three of them before he sat and stared at his plate, one last one. “I can't eat it.” He stared at the last one and Ivan frowned.

“You need to eat it.” Ivan spoke softly as Alfred shook his head.

“It's too heavy. It feels like I ate a rock. If I try to eat it, I'll throw up.” He stared and Arthur and Francis looked across from each other.

They were fairly dense, so maybe that's what had gotten him. “It's fine. Finish your milk, mon chere.” Francis patted Alfred's head and smiled as Alfred reached out, grasping the cup. Only a minute later, as Ivan wiped his mouth, about to scoot away from the table, he noticed Alfred's eyes unfocused on the table. 

“Fredka, are you alright?” He watched as eyes traveled up to him, bleary and a little watery. 

“Ah, sorry. I'm just really tired all of a sudden.” He mumbled and Francis looked over at Arthur. 

“You really were full, weren't you? You've put yourself into a food coma.” Francis smiled. 

“You finish eating. I'll take him.” Ivan spoke as he stood and the other two stared at him.

“You're giving me a complex.” Arthur mumbled. “How are you always done eating at the same time he is?” Arthur watched as Ivan smiled.

“It's habit, how quickly I eat, Da? Is fine. At least I know I'm able to do something to be helpful.” He watched with a twinkle in his eye as he took Alfred's arm, carefully leading him to the living room. 

“What was that?” Arthur spoke in a whisper, staring at the doorway after them, seeing a glint in the gaze of the man across from him.

“Ivan's happy to be helping Alfred, of all people. This is an interesting development. I'll be very interested to see where this leads.” He grinned as Arthur rolled his eyes.

“It's not always love, you bloody twit.”

“Oui, mon amour, but there are few times in my life I've seen someone stare at someone else with the look Ivan keeps getting. I do understand that look. Maybe our little Amerique's situation has made Ivan come to terms with himself?” Francis smiled, a happy curiosity coming over him as he stood and snuck to the doorway, finding Alfred laying on the couch, Ivan in the seat across from him, a book in his hands. Francis frowned as he sat down with a sigh, lifting a piroshki to his mouth.

“What's wrong, frog? Not going the way you'd like?” Arthur laughed before Francis' eyes met his, stilling the Brit in his seat. He looked down and lifted one of the buns, eating slowly.

He'd hurt his feelings. He knew every expression Francis had, well, nearly every expression, and couldn't help but wonder what he'd said. “Was it because I called you frog?”

“Non, mon ami, but it didn't help.” Francis sighed, knowing Arthur was embarrassed at his own reaction after seeing the outcome of it.

“I've been downgraded from 'mon amour' to 'mon ami', so I know it must have been bad.” Arthur glanced up, seeing soft and affectionate eyes laid on himself. Arthur swallowed hard, surprised at the look.

“You'll always be 'mon amour' to me, Arthur.” He smiled, watching as a light blush dusted over Arthur's cheeks before he broke eye contact, looking down at his food. Francis couldn't help a chuckle that escaped at the predictable response.

“Then why do you always pick on me?” Arthur asked, not looking up. “If I'm always loved, why do you never make me feel it?” He asked.

“Do you want me to?” Francis asked, his eyes flitting back over from the doorway and to his surprise Arthur didn't straight out deny him. He sat for a moment, staring at the plate, fumbling with his hands on the piroshki before shaking his head.

“I don't know.” He nearly whispered and Francis stared, shocked at the response. “Can I be honest with you, just for a minute?” Arthur glanced up, seeing wide eyes set on him as Francis softly nodded. “I don't know why I feel like I have to insult you. Maybe it's just been happening for so long it's ingrained into my mind, but whenever I know I really hurt you, it's never a good feeling.” He grumbled as he stared blankly at his plate.

“I love you too, mon amour.” Francis smiled brightly as he leaned over, ruffling Arthur's hair.

“I don't love you, you bloody twit!” Arthur yelped out, but they both knew it was a lie. It was nearly impossible not to know with him blushing so brightly.

“You lie, but it's alright.” Francis smiled as he sat back down, a softness in his eyes Arthur wasn't used to. It made him squirm in his seat before Francis looked back down at his food, delicately grasping the piroshki and taking another bit. 

Arthur followed suit, eating, both thinking about what had just transpired.

By the time they made it out to the living room, Alfred was asleep on the couch, while Ivan dozed in the chair, the book he'd been reading half hanging from his lap. Francis snuck up and pulled it away gently before sliding a piece of paper in to keep place and laid it on the side table. He glanced up, noticing Ivan's glasses and frowned as he gently pulled them from his face and looked through.

“Probably not that bad, right?”

“Just reading glasses.” Francis sighed, honestly a little let down at the lack of outcome before he sat in a chair on the other side of the room. “So, we wake them in an hour before preparing to head out for the rest of the day?”

“Yes, I think that should give them enough time to recharge. I'm a little surprised Ivan passed out, though. He's not in heatstroke, is he? He's still not wearing shorts or short sleeves.” Arthur worried aloud and Francis shook his head.

“Non, he's much too pale to be having a heatstroke. Probably just ate too much, like Alfred. Just relax. They're fine.” Francis smiled as Arthur slid himself under Alfred's feet, leaning back and yawning.

It was only a few minutes later they were asleep as well.

Arthur's eyes opened about two hours later, noticing the other two asleep, and Alfred missing. He jumped up with a yelp, which startled the others awake as he ran upstairs and Francis stared, wondering what he'd missed. “Where's Alfred?”

“Probably around somewhere. The pills are locked up, it's been too long for him to throw up now, so unless he's being deceptive or exercising, he should be fine.” Ivan yawned as he stood and stretched. He calmly made his way to the kitchen and stared as Francis came to his side and stared as well. Arthur ran down the stairs, panicking.

“Do you see him? What if he's snapped?!” He freaked out as Francis turned and pointed outside through the large window wall. Arthur stared before walking up beside the other two, completely dumbfounded by what they were watching.

Alfred was fighting with a polar bear, in the middle of Hawaii, over a fish.

“Is that a polar bear?” Ivan asked and Francis nodded.

“Kumajirou.” Francis mumbled to hear Arthur beside him respond.

“God bless you.”

“It wasn't a sneeze, that's Mathieu's bear, Kumajirou. I just can't figure out the fish.” Francis stared, the other two's gazes shifting over to him.

“He's fighting with a bear in the middle of the tropic, and you're honestly looking at the fish?!”

“Oui. Watch.” Francis smiled as he walked to the water and smiled, seeing the liveliness of the little white puff of fur. They were only about two feet out, but somehow it was just as funny as could be for Francis. “It's been a while, Kumajirou.” He smiled as he knelt down, as the white furball ran into his arms. He lifted him up with a hug and smiled, patting softly along the side of his head, behind an ear. 

“Papa Francis! Yay! Will you help me get the fish?” He asked and Francis shook his head, a bit sadly.

“I cannot. Alfred is sick, Kuma. We need to be nice to him right now.” Francis smiled, patting the bear as the white bundle of fur shook his head.

“I can't be nice. He hurt him. He made him cry.” Kumajirou pointed angrily at Alfred, who stared, surprised and a little heartbroken as he realized what was happening.

“He didn't mean to, Kuma.” Francis hugged him. “You want to give Mathieu a fish to make him feel better, oui?” Francis asked and Kumajirou nodded softly, looking up at Francis' blue eyes. “Then we catch him one, alright?”

“If you would have said that, I would have given it to you.” Alfred pouted. “I'll catch him another one, alright? I don’t' think this fish handled the fight very well.” Alfred looked at the fish, now mostly unidentifiable through the claw marks and rips from the yanking. Francis raised an eyebrow at the mess before bursting into giggles.

“You know, Arthur and Ivan are standing in there, staring. I think Ivan thought he was hallucinating, seeing a polar bear in the tropic like this.” Francis grinned and Alfred covered his mouth, imagining the looks on their faces. “You can laugh too, you know.” He smiled as he set the bear down.

“Ivan's kind of been kicking my ass back into shape. Somehow it seems wrong to laugh at him.” Alfred mumbled, trying hard to keep from laughing.

“You two seem very... sweet with each other.” Francis spoke with a lilt, audible joy in his voice.

“That'll end as soon as he thinks I'm healthy enough.” Alfred sighed, the smile wiped away. “I can imagine, as soon as Mattie says I'm over this, his hands'll be all over my throat.” Alfred sighed, looking a bit let down at the thought.

“That's not what you want though, oui, mon chere?” Francis asked, watching as Alfred just stood there, staring blankly for a minute before letting out a deep breath, trying to break up the stress a little inside his chest.

“I don't know.” He glanced up. “I don't know what I want anymore. I always thought I wanted to be the strongest, but suddenly I wanted to be thin and fit in, and I can imagine when this has passed, I'll want something else, but right now, I can't see what it is.” He watched as Francis nodded.

“Why did you want to be thin? Why did you want to fit in so badly you were willing to sacrifice your health and your strength?” Francis watched as Alfred thought harder, shaking his head.

“I don't even know. I just felt... alone. Maybe I figured being thinner would make the others like me more? Maybe it would break up this... darkness.” He frowned, his hands clasping over his chest and it hit Francis like a train.

Alfred had already been suffering from depression. It wasn't something they had to keep an eye out for, chances were he already was suffering.

“Would you say you were just lonely, or did it feel worse than that?” Francis stepped forward, concern tilting his brow and Alfred shook his head.

“Worse. Easily worse. I got claustrophobic, and I started being scared everyone was going to turn on me. Ivan I could expect it from, but in my dreams I saw you and Arthur and Mattie standing over me, I couldn't handle it.” He glanced up. “I'd wake up and feel like a failure, like if it happened it was my own fault. I know I keep pushing and sometimes I'm annoying, but to see you staring at me like that...” A visible chill went up his back and Francis softly patted his shoulder. 

“Just a dream, mon chere. Remember that, alright?” He smiled and Alfred nodded, but Francis noticed the darkness in his eyes. “I'll go get Arthur and Ivan. I think we've missed the chance to hit the luau tonight, so let's go fishing and relax here instead, oui?”

“I have a better idea.” Alfred grinned.

They headed to the luau, much to Ivan's discomfort, as the best place that had the motif was on the next island over. Ivan sat, staring in wonder as the man on the stage before everyone swung flaming blocks while another spun a stick with fire at each end before picking up a second and caught it on fire as well. It was like a dance, captivating but dangerous as the men swung the flames around themselves, hips twisting as their bodies moved to the tribal beat of drums. 

“I didn't know they had things like this in America.” Ivan stared with wide eyes and Alfred laughed and nodded.

“This is actually what happens when America and Japan meets.” Alfred grinned. “Kiku has a house on the same island I do. It's nice when we meet here, but we always end out drunk, and sometimes we wake up in Okinawa!” He laughed, making the others pale.

“I can see why you guys would think poi would be a fun thing to learn, but isn't this a little too... energetic?” Arthur asked, worried over Alfred's condition. He knew exercise was a bad thing for a while due to the muscle damage.

“You don't have to spin like a top. I already paid for a lesson, after all, and he'll come out to the house after tonight, so Ivan doesn't have to worry about coming out here all the time. The lessons are Monday, Wednesday and Friday at seven, so we have time to eat, and he has time to come to work.” Alfred grinned.

“What are we going to be spinning? I'm going to assume they happen to have extra... blocks on strings that won't be on fire?” Arthur glanced over and Alfred grinned, reaching into his bag. 

“Here, a pair for each of us! I don't know how to use them, but they're USB rechargeable, and that's a good thing!” Alfred grinned as Francis and Arthur looked at each other.

At least he was feeling better!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

“You just hit the buttons on the bottoms. It's easiest to hold one in each hand, that way you're not counting through them.” Elijah, the poi instructor told them. Ivan was the first to hit the buttons, but after the thin plastic gave, he just stared, entranced by the shimmery lights in the balls in his hands.

“You can keep those after this, keep practicing, and if we get booted together again, we can see how much progress we've made!” Alfred laughed as he hit the buttons, seeing a multicolor strobe and grinned, glancing over to see Ivan still staring with wide eyes at the first setting.

Francis was the first to find the love pattern, all pink, while Arthur stuck with a short green strobe effect. “Slide your fingers through the hole like this, then slide the main cord through your fingers.” Elijah demonstrated and everyone succeeded, except Ivan who was STILL staring blankly at the lights.

“Ivan! Wake up!” Alfred laughed as Ivan startled and dropped the poi before looking over. “What, are you epileptic or something?”

“Nyet, it's beautiful!” He spoke as he retrieved the orb and Elijah showed him again how to hold them. 

“Now, spin them.” Elijah made simple, easy spins with his hands. Arthur's left a green trail, while Francis' seemed to not only leave trails, but they pulsed to the movement. Alfred's left streams of color, looking like the colors were complete for only a second before blending on to the next.

Ivan's left a rainbow in it's wake, and honestly, Alfred thought it was beautiful. “This is the basis for every move. This simple little circle is the easiest move to do, but it can be the hardest to return to. Remember the way your wrists move, the way your fingers pull. Now, try and flip the poi inwards, towards your body.” Elijah did so quickly, showing them. Ivan was able to complete it with little trouble.

Arthur hit himself in the face, while Francis' smacked into each other and bounced, hitting both of his arms, while Alfred started laughing and just stopped moving. “Just keep trying. Try and feel the movements, not just with your arms, but with your whole body.” He watched as Ivan nodded and started spinning both poi in the same way before moving his arms to the side, the poi coming dangerously close to his chest and back and the man walked around, finding little to complain about with Ivan's stance. “Just keep playing like that. Find out how you can make them move. If I can have all of you comfortable with them by the end of the lesson, I'll send you home with a trick to practice!” He watched as they stared, frowning. 

“Can you show us?” Alfred asked and Elijah smiled before picking up his own poi and started spinning them towards each other before bringing his hands together. It looked like one circle, like the poi were bouncing off of each other at the top and bottom, but the three could tell that wasn't the case.

“That's cool!” Alfred grinned before regaining his interest and started working on the poi. Ivan had watched closely enough to realize what the trick was and smiled as he spun the poi the same way and brought his hands in, making sure his right hand was a little higher than the left, and pulled off the same trick almost instantly.

“Looks like someone's practiced before!” Elijah laughed as Francis and Arthur glanced over, eyes wide at the rings of rainbows while Alfred saw the joy in Ivan's face. He looked absolutely thrilled and amazed at what he was doing. 

“Looks like I'll have to give you a different trick!” 

“Da... This is fun.” Ivan spoke, the soft, calm tone of his voice betrayed at the euphoria showing on his face.

“Try this one.” Elijah said as he spun his own poi, spinning both on either side of his body in a large figure eight, one seeming to chase the other. Ivan watched before nodding and trying it himself. They caught and spun around each other, but as he softly held the cords to let them unwind he smiled brightly.

“I will have to practice more.”

“Take your time.” Elijah chuckled, watching as the others tried the moves, failing horribly as a poi came up, smacking Alfred in the back of the head. Ivan glanced over at the dull 'ouch' and smiled as he stood back to try again.

It took a little work, but he was able to do it after a few minutes, and just stood there, his eyes wide as he watched the spinning lights circle around himself. Somehow it reminded him of the childish wonder and joy he hadn't had in centuries and he ended out spending the rest of the lesson off to the side, just spinning the poi and looking at the way the light shone from the orbs.

Arthur and Francis were happy with spinning them at their sides, trying to move them around themselves, but laughed as they saw each other get hit.

Alfred felt his competitive side spur up and did his best to try and match up to Ivan, but by the end of the lesson he wasn't even close to near what the other was doing without even thinking about it.

“When you get back, I understand you have plenty of space, go ahead and practice. Put on some music and just dance with them. It's the best way to understand how to use them, just relax, play and get experimental. Also remember, they won't really hurt you. It's a good thing to start each practice by just hitting yourself with them a few times, it'll help you overcome the worry of failure, alright?” Elijah grinned as the group nodded and waved as they headed out to the Sea-Doo.

As it was now dark, Francis felt very uncomfortable about driving the thing, and Alfred frowned, knowing a ferry would be going over in a few minutes. “Do you want to take the ferry across?”

“Oui, mon chere, I think it would be safest. We can come get them in the morning, right?”

“No, but I can get them both across. It's fine. Ivan, you want to go with them? It'll be a smoother ride than to come with me.” Alfred smiled as he started sitting and was surprised to feel the weight behind him as Ivan climbed on.

“I'm tearing the bandage off quickly. I'd rather just go.” He huffed and Alfred nodded as he looked up at the other two.

“The ferry is at the other end of the dock. If there's any problems, just text, alright?” He smiled as Francis and Arthur nodded and turned, walking away. “You sure you'd rather do it this way?”

“Da...” Ivan spoke, but he didn't sound very sure. Alfred started the engine, tying the unused one to his before slowly taking off.

The fifteen minutes it usually took was nearly doubled due to the extra weight, but Ivan didn't complain, or crush him. Alfred pulled into the garage and Ivan jumped off the back before realizing something. “You didn't tie me on.”

“Nope. Needed the strapping to get the other one here.” Alfred spoke as he stood and climbed from the machine, popping the seat to pull out the four sets of poi, each in their own little bag with their names on them. “With your life jacket on, I could have gotten to you in seconds. Don't worry.” Alfred smiled as Ivan undid the clasps and hung the jacket on the wall hook. Alfred sighed as he took one out and lit it up, spinning a simple circle before the pet door on the back opened and a small white bundle of fur made his way over. “He get it?”

“Yes!” Kumajirou sat, his head looking nearly right ahead at Alfred's, who was staying close to the ground to keep Mattie from seeing him. 

“What did you tell him?” Alfred asked and Kumajirou brought his paw to his mouth to try and remember before standing and romping around in a circle.

“I said I snuck into your house and stole your credit card! And I put it back after I ordered!” Kumajirou grinned and Alfred let out a soft laugh at the bear's playfulness.

“Did he buy it?”

“No, you bought it!” Kumajirou romped around again, making Alfred fight to keep from laughing.

“Did he believe you?”

“Yes! He almost didn't cook it, til I said it wouldn't be as fresh anymore by the time you came back. But then he did, and it was yummy.” Kumajirou smiled and Alfred reached out, scratching the bear behind the ear.

Hearing he'd made his brother cry wasn't something that settled well with Alfred, and when Kumajirou seemed to think getting a fish for him would help, who was Alfred to disagree? So he bought him a fish.

A $150 box of ahi steaks. He thought it would at least make things a little easier on him. He patted Kumajirou on the head and reached into his bag, pulling out another pouch of the poi, this one with his name on it. “Now tell him if he wants to learn to use these, he can come over. Also tell him I need to talk to him, alright?” Alfred asked and Kumajirou held the pouch before putting the drawstring in his mouth and turned heading right back in the pet door.

Alfred went to the front yard with a smile, pushing the buttons on the bottom of the poi. He pulled his cellphone from his pocket and stuck in his headphones, closing his eyes and started trying to dance with them, like Elijah had said. It didn't take long for him to get lost in the music, dancing almost like he would at a club, but trying to make sure his hands didn't stop spinning, his wrists moving to the beat and before long he was spinning them around fairly well, trying to get them to move with the rest of him as he went. It was a bit before he felt his arms burn and slid them down, panting for breath, a little surprised at the amount of a workout he got just from some light little orbs. He turned off the music and slid out his earbuds to find Mattie beside him, spinning as well as Elijah had done. He'd toss one up into the air and catch it, catching the other in the free hand. He spun in a circle, jumping up into a flip, the poi making a full rotation beneath him before he landed and spun, creating a tube of light around himself. Alfred just stared for a moment in shock before Mattie noticed he'd stopped moving. 

The Canadian almost died. Alfred staring with his mouth gaped open, eyes wide and one poi had slipped from his finger and laid on the grass. “I'm guessing you forgot we took classes ten years ago?” Mattie spoke with a grin and Alfred slowly nodded.

“Looks like you kept up on it.” He mumbled as Mattie let out a laugh.

“Yeah, it gets me into the best parties.” He grinned as Alfred shook his head. “I'm surprised you got me podpoi. Expensive.”

“But they're USB rechargeable. I hate having to buy batteries all the time. It's frustrating.” Alfred huffed and Mattie hugged him, smiling.

“Thanks, Al. It means a lot to know you thought of me.” He smiled as Alfred looked down, his smile fading off. 

“I'm going to call another doctor. I don't want you to be my doctor for this.” Alfred spoke and Mattie stared, a little worried, and a little curious. 

“Why?”

“I don't want you to stay away. I don't want you to be the one who deals with the crap I started. I already feel like shit for the others. Especially Ivan, he's been kicking my ass back into shape. He's kind of the reason I'm doing as well as I am right now. Francis and Arthur, they're family, you're family, but he doesn't have that tie to me. I don't want to feel... like I owe too many people too much. A doctor, I give them money, they do the work, but you're not just some doctor, and I don't want you to feel like you should be.” Alfred spoke, watching Mattie's face, praying he wouldn't find dejection.

He let out a sigh when a bright smile lit the other's face. “Thanks. I hate to have to say it, but it was really getting to me.

“I heard.” Alfred hugged Mattie and sighed, feeling at least a little better now. “I'll see if I can find a doctor who makes house calls tomorrow morning.” Alfred grinned before Mattie's smile faded off a little, and for a second it looked like he might cry.

“I have something else I need to apologize for.” Mattie frowned, his hands clasping before him in a shy and rather worried way. “Kumajirou stole your credit card and bought me some... rather expensive fish. I'll pay you back for it, but I'm sorry.” He glanced up, seeing Alfred staring, one eyebrow arched, a hand on his hip.

“Don't you dare pay me back for those. He fought that fish from me fair and square. Since it was destroyed, what else were we going to do?” Alfred asked as Mattie realized and reached out smacking his arm as he let out a light laugh.

“Really?! You made up the story about him finding your credit card, didn't you?”

“And what if I did?” Alfred grinned as Mattie shook his head.

“I almost had a heart attack! It was delivered to Kumajirou and everything! That was terrible!” Mattie laughed and Alfred watched with a soft sigh.

“Totally worth it to see you laugh like this.” He smiled as Francis and Arthur walked up with smiles.

“Where were you two?” Mattie asked with a smile and Francis ran over, giving a hug to the Canadian.

“We came over on the ferry! Such beautiful scenery from the boat, so we rode back and forth again!” Francis smiled as Arthur rolled his eyes.

“So pretty we needed to see it three times, immediately.” He grumbled. “Looks like you two have been having fun with each other. Playing with poi?”

“Mattie's a fucking genius at it! It's a bit... disheartening, actually. He's amazing.” Alfred turned to Mattie, who blushed, but smiled.

“Ten years of study will do that to you, you know.” Mattie smiled.

“And I'm going to call another doctor in the morning. I don't want Mattie bogged down with my medical crap. He should be able to panic right along with the rest of you.” Alfred spoke and Francis laughed this time.

“Does this mean maybe I can sneak over to mon petit Mathieu's house if things become too... hostile?”

“You know you're always welcome, Papa.” Mattie hugged the other and grinned. “You too, Dad.” Mattie added, reaching out with his other hand and dragged Arthur in.

Alfred smiled at the scene, a warm happy feeling around them, and somehow he didn't feel like a part of it. He never did. He turned to head to the house, unable to force the corners of his mouth up anymore and tried to keep tears from rushing down his face.

He was still alone. He looked up and stilled, wide eyed on Ivan, who watched him carefully. There was no way he hadn't seen the look on his face. He stood as Alfred started coming closer and opened the door to let him in. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'll be fine.” He sighed as he went upstairs. “I'm heading to bed. Night, Ivan.”

“Spokoynoy nochi, Alfred.” He heard as he closed the door. He jumped in the shower quickly before going to bed, falling asleep quickly.

“Is Alfred alright? He took off in quite a rush.” Arthur asked as the group headed inside.

“He's going to be fine. He's just having some problems right now.” Ivan spoke softly. “He'll be alright again soon, I hope.” Ivan spoke, letting a little of his worry show.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Alfred woke up and stretched, wandering to the window and looked out, seeing Mattie and Kumajirou playing in the water, happy and carefree. Today would be a good day to start Ivan on swimming lessons, Alfred thought as he went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. He got dressed and wandered down the stairs, finding Ivan cooking. “After breakfast, you wanna get started on swimming lessons?” Alfred asked as he leaned over the counter, a smile creeping across his face. Ivan glanced back, seeing him look more energetic than he had since arriving and could only chuckle before turning back to the food.

“Da, that sounds fine. Looks like you're doing well this morning.” Ivan spoke softly and Alfred smiled and nodded, feeling oddly comfortable.

“I don't know why, but I really feel good this morning.” Alfred slid his head down onto his arms and watched as Ivan flipped something thin in the pan and turned back, softly rubbing Alfred's head, disheveling his hair.

“Ochen' khorosho. That makes me happy to hear.” Ivan turned back to the skillet, letting out a soft chuckle as he watched the blini quickly finish cooking.

He had three burners going at once, and Alfred wasn't aware that Mattie was going to be joining them. Arthur had already extended the table and Francis had gotten the more comfortable chair from the next room and had brought it in. He flipped the one in the pan onto the plate and checked the other two, flipping them quickly before mixing the batter and scooted the two to the plate before pouring more into all three now empty skillets. “Whatcha making?” Alfred asked, curious as Ivan's eyes shifted back for a second before heading back to the task at hand.

“Blini. It's like pancake.” Ivan spoke softly and Alfred sat up with wide eyes.

“I know this may be a little selfish, but can you make enough for Mattie? He loves pancakes.” Alfred felt a little nervous, knowing he wasn't really in any condition to be asking for things.

“Arthur already asked, and the table is set up for an extra. It's fine, Da?” Ivan turned, seeing the smile on the other and shook his head as he turned back to the skillets. “Can you tell everyone it will be done soon?” Ivan asked as he flipped the blini.

“Sure. And Ivan?” Alfred stilled as violet eyes shifted up, watching him with just a hint of wonder. “Thank you.” Alfred spoke before turning and heading up the stairs. Ivan watched for a second before his eyes turned back to the skillets before him.

“That's a rather interesting look on your face.” Francis spoke softly, watching from the end of the counter, not having been noticed at all until then. “Could it be, Ivan? Maybe you've gotten a soft spot for mon petit Amerique?”

“Maybe while we're alone I should bake you in the oven to stop words like that from coming near me.” Ivan glanced up with a creepy grin and Francis stilled, frowning.

“You're no fun. We're supposed to be getting along. Threatening to roast me doesn't quite fit into that category, non?” He smiled as Ivan' flipped the blini before moving them to the plate and making another three.

“Don't care. If you don't like it, don't say such impossible things, Da?” His eyes shifted over, the smile he had earlier gone.

“Ivan, you know you're allowed to be happy, right? It may be country first, person second, but you need to learn to live some, or you'll end out depressed and you'll take your people with you.” Francis watched as Ivan's eyes narrowed slightly. It was barely noticeable as he slowly slid back behind the well constructed wall he had to keep everyone out. Francis sighed, knowing his chance to convince the man to relax more was now gone. He stepped forward with a soft sigh, laying his hand on Ivan's back, hoping maybe the tender touch and close proximity would help his message. “I want you to be excited. I want to see you smile. I want to see you happy, and so does Alfred, Ivan. You're no longer the outcast, and you have no reason to distance yourself from us, oui?”

“You don't even understand what's going on under your own nose. I am an outcast, and I'm not the only one who feels like it. You're all so beautiful and picturesque, and it's pretty and perfect and it makes me want to break you apart piece by piece til you're down in hell with me.” by this time Ivan's head was tilted, his eyes wide and shining mauve instead of violet.

Francis shook from the words and the look he was given. An ecstatic smile crossed Ivan's face, as if he were imagining the horrible things he could do. He turned, grasping Francis' wrist and brought it up to his mouth, running his tongue along the vein and Francis weakly tried to pull his hand back, honestly terrified at the sudden situation. “One bite. I could bite this pretty, picturesque little vein right out of you, and you would die.” Ivan clasped the hand and yanked it back, pulling Francis' face right to his chest. Francis felt Ivan's arm wrapped behind him and grinned down, the destruction in his eyes bringing tears to Francis, a full out panic starting as he yanked his hand free and pressed hard against Ivan's chest, fighting desperately to put space between them. Ivan's face moved closer to his and Ivan nearly whispered. “You want me to smile, but only at your conditions. I am not so flexible, and this fluff talk, we don't offer such a service is Russia.” Ivan watched as Francis nearly burst into tears.

“I'M SORRY!” He screamed and Alfred, Arthur and Mattie all rushed in, panicked at the scene before them. Alfred rushed up and grasped Ivan's hands, pulling them back, trying to free Francis, but he just didn’t' have the strength.

“Ivan, release him! Please!” Alfred begged and Ivan stood tall, his hands nearly snapping to his sides, his eyes remained on Francis, though and Alfred felt frozen at the gaze. Ivan seemed to suddenly realize what he'd just done and stared, violet returning to his eyes as he looked in confusion. Alfred stared at him in horror while Arthur and Mattie hugged Francis close, trying to comfort the man who was still shaking.

“I...” Ivan panicked. “I didn't mean to...” He stepped back and Alfred watched, his fear shifting towards curiosity. As Ivan turned and ran, Alfred ran after him.

“Mattie! Get the stove!” He yelled as he gave chase.

Ivan ran to the front yard, half tempted to just run off, before remembering they were on a small island. He couldn't escape. He looked around, desperately looking for any way off as arms crashed around him. He collapsed to the ground and just screamed, horrified by what he'd just done.

“Ivan, what happened?” He heard Alfred ask and looked up, seeing care and worry in his face. Ivan felt his hands shake as he pulled them close, shaking his head.

“I didn't mean to say such things.” Ivan cried. “I didn't want to scare him! I just... I couldn't stop.” He cried and Alfred pulled him close, resting Ivan's head on his shoulder. Ivan was surprised, having expected to be punished for the situation, not comforted. “You're so warm...” Ivan sighed, wrapping his arms around Alfred and pulling him onto his lap. Alfred didn't fight and turned, straddling Ivan so he could continue hugging him.

“Are you alright?” Alfred asked softly and Ivan broke down.

Arthur and Francis sat near the front door, staring in shock as Ivan cried his eyes out to Alfred. It had been about ten minutes since it had started, and they wondered what in the hell was going on out there. Alfred didn't seem to mind, in fact, as he sat, his chin on Ivan's shoulder, Ivan pressed firmly against him, it was a smile they saw on his face. “He looks content.”

“I took a picture.” Francis spoke softly as Arthur's eyes shifted over.

“You started that whole fit with that kind of behavior, didn't you?” Arthur grumbled and Francis smiled, a hint of blush coming over his cheeks. 

“I just want him to realize it doesn't have to be so cold anymore. He's always sitting off to the side, never joining in, and it breaks my heart. He's older than nearly anyone would believe, but for all of the time he's been alive, he doesn't feel like anyone's ever loved him, or if they did, they ran away.” Francis sighed, watching as Ivan glanced up, tears and snot running down his face. He was an absolute mess. He couldn't help but smile at the scene. After he'd been as terrified as he was, it was just like Alfred to run out and take care of it, but this wasn't how he normally would. Comforting and supporting Ivan, that was new. “Alfred's not yelling at him.”

“Of course not. He's more terrified than you were.” Arthur turned around, sliding a box of tissues near the front door table before sitting in a chair facing away from the window. “Give them a moment of peace, love.” Arthur glanced up before a deep blush hit his cheeks.

“Love? What an interesting development.” Francis turned to Arthur, his interest in the front yard lost. “Why would you call me that?”

“Slip of the tongue. You were being so immature, and the hair, you know, I thought I was talking to Matthew.” Arthur lifted a book without paying much attention and stared at it in surprise. He hadn't meant to call Francis that at all, and he was as embarrassed as could be. 

“Really?” Francis knelt down beside the chair and looked up, his eyes wide on Arthur's green ones. He watched, the way the reflection of himself in those eyes were clear. He normally looked away before now. “Do you love me, Arthur? If you say yes, I can't promise I won't kiss you.” Francis spoke, his cheeks blushing at his own words. 

It was embarrassing to say after all. 

“I don't love you, you twit!” Arthur yelled out, his cheeks brighter pink, but when Francis' hand softly moved across his chin, cradling a cheek to softly turn towards him, Arthur didn't pull away. Francis softly leaned forward, bringing their lips together and for a moment both of them felt the connection.

Their hearts pounded in their chests. They felt the thoughts and feelings of each other. 

A kiss, though it may be a simple thing, for a country it was more. It showed the connections through the earth, temporarily connecting the countries. England could feel France. The people, their hearts, Francis and his heart. He felt the desires and the joy and happiness he felt at something as simple as a kiss. The way his heart fluttered at hearing such simple words, calling him love. 

It had been a Freudian slip, but Francis wasn't supposed to know that. Arthur felt Francis' hand softly caress his cheek, his thumb brushing beneath his eye as his other hand slid up to his shoulder, squeezing softly. Francis wasn't pressing for more, and he wasn't going to. Just this little kiss was enough to show him how Arthur felt and they both knew it.

They really did love each other. As Francis pulled away, his eyes wide on the other, Arthur trembled. “How dare you.” Arthur stared, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. “Those were my emotions to hide. You had no right.” He cried softly as Francis' arms wrapped around him.

“Maybe, but you just made me so happy, Arthur, with nothing more than what you were just thinking. I love you, Arthur.”

“Shut up.” Arthur sniffed, his hands over his face to hide his tears and his blush.

“Hey, if you two are done making out, can you tell Alfred and Ivan that the food is ready and I have no idea how to serve these?” Mattie asked from the doorway and Arthur turned even redder at the realization he'd seen them kiss. His eyes shifted up, seeing a happy smile on his face and realized Mattie wasn't against this at all.

He wanted them to be together. Arthur stared, surprised for a moment before looking over at Francis, still red, but a little less ashamed. “Can you?” He asked, as he still felt weak. It had been a short kiss, but his whole body responded to it, and his legs felt like jello.

“Oui, mon amour.” Francis spoke softly as he stood, giving a gentle kiss to his forehead. Arthur hated how comforting it felt that Francis knew. He hated that he wanted that kiss, even the careful one on his forehead. 

Outside, Ivan had been begging Alfred for his forgiveness of his behavior. He didn't know why he wanted it so badly, he couldn't stop crying. When Francis had come out, Ivan grasped him as well, pulling him into the hug so he was sitting on his knees beside Alfred, who still straddled his lap. “I hadn't meant to scare you! I don't know why I do that! There's something wrong with me, but I never meant to hurt or scare you! I'm so sorry!”

“It's my own fault, mon ami.” Francis smiled, a light chuckle coming from him. “I egged you on like that, and I actually wanted to apologize myself. I'm sorry I forced you to that situation.” Francis spoke and Ivan stared, more tears in his eyes before he started crying harder.

Neither of them knew that no one had rightly apologized to him. They were able to get him to stand and come into the house. He sat at the table, tears still in his eyes, though Arthur had given him a box of tissues. 

“I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I just... I lose myself sometimes and I can't handle what I do when I'm like that.” He huffed, wiping again at his face.

“It's fine.” Mattie assured him, patting him on the back. “I'm just curious as to how to serve these.” He looked at the blini and Ivan stared for a second before jumping up, taking care of the situation himself.

Everyone was served a couple of the blini, which were thinner pancakes. Ivan folded them over, sour cream and jam beside them. “What kind of jam is this?” Alfred asked as he looked at it. It was hard to tell if it was brown or dark red, and very lumpy. It looked like some sort of berry was whole in it.

“Ah, it's lingonberry. Finland introduced these to me. They're good, I think.” He watched as everyone took their forks and cut off a small piece of the blini and dunked it into the sour cream and the berries.

“The flavor is very... interesting.” Francis frowned. “It's complicated, but somehow it works very well. Another amazing dish, mon ami.” Francis smiled up at him and Ivan nodded, smiling brilliantly.

Everyone noticed as Ivan's eyes shifted to Alfred, a touch of worry as he tried it. “It's a little bitter. I like the berries.” He glanced up with wide eyes. “It's good. Thank you.” Alfred smiled, the fork still in the corner of his mouth and Ivan stared for a second before smiling.

“I'm glad you like it.” He poured Alfred's milk before sitting down and eating.

It wasn't long before the food was done and Arthur and Francis agreed to do the dishes so Alfred and Ivan could get dressed for Ivan's first swimming lesson.

Mattie decided to go change and go for a swim. It was a beautiful day, and he had a feeling the month would bring many interesting things. Francis had kissed Arthur. He'd always hoped they would get together. It would really make them a family, instead of two brothers with two, separate fathers. It never felt too close, even when all four were together, but this gave him hope.

Maybe he would lose that feeling of being from a broken family.

“Kuroshiro, you wanna go swimming with me?”

“Who?”

“I'm Canada...”


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Alfred stood in the ocean and fell over, floating to the surface and simply lifting his hands to wipe the water from his face. “Dunk yourself down. It'll help you adjust to the temperature faster.” Alfred glanced over, though he didn't stop floating. Ivan glanced out and frowned. Alfred lowered his feet, feeling the sand beneath him and walked over with a frown. “Have you ever been in a creek?”

“Da, many times.” Ivan spoke, but it was easy to see the worry in his eyes. 

“Just dunk your head down as if you were in a creek. Don't pay attention to the water out there, you won't be going there today, alright?” He spoke softly and Ivan nodded. The water only came up to his waist, a bit above Alfred's belly button, but it was harder to tell with them both wearing tee shirts.

“Why are you still wearing shirts?” Mattie asked as he swam by and Alfred sighed.

“Every time someone sees me without a shirt on they cringe. It's not exactly a happy feeling.” Alfred frowned, glancing down at his shirt. “At least this hides it a little bit.” Alfred let out a sigh.

“Scars.” Ivan frowned. He had placed a black sash around his neck to hide the scar he had, since he knew the bandages would wash away. Mattie stood, staring as Kumajirou swam up, a fish in his mouth already. 

“I'd like to see.” He frowned, staring at the man before him and Alfred swallowed hard. Something about seeing Ivan half naked made him very interested, and he suddenly felt like his throat was dry. He nodded, his eyes narrowing.

“Me too. I wonder how bad you can be scarred to make you wear a shirt in the ocean.” Alfred looked over at Mattie, who smacked him in the back of the head.

“It's the 21st century. Maybe we can help erase them, depending. Would you show me?” Mattie walked up, Alfred at his side and Ivan groaned before removing his shirt.

There was a burn hole directly over his heart. It looked off, like something about it wasn't quite right. His shoulders and body were littered with smaller scars, knife wounds and smaller revolutions probably. His back was much worse. A large burn mark marred the flesh at the back of his left shoulder. Slashes, probably from swords, showed across his whole back and Alfred stared.

“Are these sword wounds?” He asked his fingers sliding over one, feeling the slight raise of the scar.

“Nyet, whips. Before I realized I was a country, they thought I was a demon. I was tortured and eventually tied to a stake and left to die in the cold, but I didn't die. They caned me and beat me, trying to kill me off, but it never worked. That's what all of the wounds on my back are from, murder attempts against a boy who was only a few years old at the time.” Ivan spoke softly, his eyes turning mauve at the memory.

“I can't do much for the burn mark, I'm sorry about that, but we can remove the slashes. The smaller ones, I think there may be too many, but maybe if we treat them a few at a time, in a few years you could be rid of them. It would only leave the burn, and the scar over your heart.” Mattie frowned as he walked around, again looking at the wound.

“It's where my heart is. It can't be healed.” Ivan sighed. 

“But that's why it should be healed. What if you get an infection from it?” Mattie asked, fingers sliding over the wound.

“But what about when I need to take it out?” Ivan whimpered, looking afraid and Mattie and Alfred stood still, staring with wide eyes. 

“Take it out?” Alfred asked first and Ivan nodded.

“Here, like this.” He reached in and indeed, pulled out his heart. Alfred screamed and fainted, the lower constitution being his undoing. Ivan grasped him before Mattie even realized what happened and Ivan looked up at Mattie and frowned as his eyes seemed to relax. “I'll take him to the patio.” Ivan turned mechanically and walked up the stairs, setting Alfred down before looking at his heart. “It has salt water on it now. It makes me feel overheated.” He frowned as he walked into the house, to the kitchen sink and turned the water on, rinsing off his heart. Mattie stared, seeing the sudden lack of life, just trudging forward nearly aimlessly. 

“Ivan, when do you have to remove your heart?” He asked and Ivan turned with a dead gaze. His eyes focused on him, but Mattie could tell he was practically a zombie in this state.

“When I have to kill. Every time I have to kill many. I can't survive the heartbreak, so I remove it til I've calmed down.” He spoke stiffly and Mattie nodded.

“Can you put it back in?” He asked softly and Ivan didn't even think about it, plunging his fist into the hole. Blood started oozing down his chest and he blinked a few times while a chill ran up his spine. 

“It always feels funny when it gets put back in.” Ivan grumbled, waiting til the shiver finally dissipated and turned to Matthew, who was staring at him surprised.

“It's an actual physical response, besides death, to removing your heart. I've never heard of that! It's a little amazing!” Matthew stepped forward and looked over the hole. “It worries me that it's so easy to come out, though.”

“It's only fallen out on its own a couple of times. It's alright.” He smiled as he pressed a hand over the hole. “It knows where it's supposed to be.” He smiled and Mattie nodded, hearing a slight groan from the seats and walked out, finding Alfred lifting his head from the lounger he was laid out on.

“What happened?” He asked as he sat up, seeing Mattie smile with an eyebrow quirked.

“Ivan can remove his own heart at will. It seems to be troubling to him, so let's not ask him to remove it again, alright?” Mattie watched as Alfred stared and frowned before nodding.

“Does it hurt?” Alfred asked softly and Ivan stared, surprised. No one asked him that before. 

“No, but it makes me not feel anymore, and when I put it back sometimes it makes me feel sad.” He watched as Alfred nodded and stared at the hole. After a minute his eyes shifted up to Ivan's with a sad sort of determination.

“We're all countries, and we all have our scars, but something really bad must have happened to make your heart fight itself out of your chest. You don't have to hide your scars, but I am going to insist you put a bandage over that when going out into the ocean. You don't need a fish to start eating it.” Shivers went up Alfred's spine at the thought as he shifted his eyes from the wound up to Ivan's eyes. 

After a few minutes they made their way back down to the water, but this time Ivan wore one of the tighter tank tops Alfred had picked up for him. It wouldn't give much space so his heart wouldn't drift away.

As the swimming lesson continued, Mattie and Kumajirou continued playing out in the water, enjoying the day. It wasn't long before Arthur joined them, Francis right behind. 

By the time lunch rolled around Ivan was a bit more comfortable in the water. Alfred hadn't even focused on the swimming, just getting Ivan to play and enjoy himself. It had been a bit of a feat, but when Ivan started splashing him, a grin on his face, it was worth it. Alfred had laughed as he splashed him back, and soon there was a water war going on.

Francis grinned as he heard a car pull up out front and ran around the house. No one even thought of it as he opened a grill and lit some briquettes, a smile on his face. “What are you doing?” Mattie called over and Francis grinned.

“Lunch, mon chere. Alfred, have you called a doctor yet?” He watched as Alfred sighed and pulled himself from the water.

“No, but I do need to. Pardon.” He turned to Ivan and smiled before walking into the house to change before grabbing his phone and laptop to make the necessary calls.

Francis tried to hide a proud smile, as well as a giggle as he tried to explain the situation to the first doctor he called. Group therapy with someone who's currently fighting an eating disorder or three, and someone who might be schizophrenic, none of them currently working with a doctor over their situations. The first doctor hung up on him.

The second doctor found this idea amusing and agreed to the condition of home visits, as long as he was paid extra for the travel. He also insisted on a half hour session with each Ivan and Alfred, as well as 15 minute sessions with the other three.

By the time everything was set up lunch was ready. Francis had made everyone, even Kumajirou a fish steak with green beans. After lunch, Alfred told them about the doctor coming out. Mattie groaned at the realization he'd have to have a session as well, and stood, watching as Alfred's eyelids grew dizzy. “Al?”

“Another food coma, probably.” Francis smiled, walking over and getting his attention. “Why don't you go up to bed and take a nap?”

“Yeah...” Alfred stumbled to his feet, Mattie grasping his arm to steady him. “Come get me in an hour?” Alfred asked Mattie, who nodded.

“Yeah, that won't be a problem. Come on.” He smiled, helping him upstairs. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. 

Mattie made his way back downstairs to find Ivan doing the dishes, a smile on his face as Francis and Arthur chatted about what to do that night. “What are you guys going on about?” Mattie asked as he sat beside them and Francis smiled, rubbing his hair.

“We're coming up with plans. We try to keep Alfred distracted so he doesn't think about the food or lack of medications. So far it seems to be working.” Francis smiled.

“With the poi and the swimming lessons, we have a bit of time taken. Now we'll have about three hours where this guy comes out for therapy, but I don't know what days.” Arthur grumbled and Francis looked over.

“Well, it sounded to me like he said seven pm, so that would mean Tuesday, Thursday and a weekend day, right?” Francis asked and Mattie stared.

“Seriously? Three times a week?”

“Da.” Ivan spoke from the sink. “Alfred's very worried about things. He hides it well, but he's terrified right now, and as much as we're trying to distract him, he's trying to get lost in the distractions.” He glanced back at the group, who all thought over the words.

“Trying to get lost in distractions. Interesting.” Mattie thought, now taking the time to wonder about the gazes and softness he'd been showing to Ivan. Maybe he thought of Ivan as another distraction? But it didn't seem like that. It was almost like though he kept up a wall around the rest of them, he didn't mind Ivan seeing him broken down a little. 

While love was a great distraction, it didn't seem like one Alfred would indulge in. He was more the type to jump onto the acid/marijuana bandwagon again. It had actually done him a world of good in the sixties, but that time was long past. Mattie sighed, staring.

“What?” Ivan asked as Mattie's eyes just stayed on him. 

“Just wondering.” Mattie turned back to Francis, who was grinning like mad.

“You're thinking the same thing I am, aren't you?” Francis watched with a smile, knowing his little Matthew had gained his addiction to love.

“Maybe, but where would we get acid out here? I mean, I could probably make some, but do you really think it's such a good idea?” Mattie asked, watching with sick amusement as Arthur and Francis stared, dropped jaws.

“What would you want with corrosives? I don't understand this at all!” Arthur cringed as Francis realized what he'd meant.

“I don't think now is a good time for such a possibly dangerous past time activity. While it may be a good thing for self... discovery...” Francis cut off his own sentence, thinking. “Or maybe it's brilliant.”

“I'll talk to the doctor about it. Anyone know when he's coming out?”

“Tonight.” Ivan answered. “Seventeen hundred hours.” He watched as the rest of them nodded.

Honestly, Ivan had no idea what they were talking about, but the parts of the black market that flowed like a river in the underground told him he should know exactly what was happening. Ivan decided to play ignorant and finished the dishes in peace as Matthew spoke a little too excitedly about his 'alternative medicine'.

Alfred woke an hour later and came down the stairs, still a little bleary. Matthew watched the way he moved, the stagger and the limps, the pulls in his shoulders and the way his head didn't want to sit straight. “Come here.” He spoke softly and Alfred turned and walked over. Matthew stood and told him to sit in the chair he'd just vacated, and Alfred obliged, though he had no idea what was happening til Mattie grabbed his head and started moving it softly in a circle, feeling the knots in his muscle. He yanked, hearing a loud pop and let go, watching as Alfred moved his shoulders. He grasped them and started working, deep tissue massage to release the aches and pains in his shoulders.

“Mattie, you should just move in with me.” Alfred spoke, his eyes wincing, but he could feel the tension drifting away. “Seriously, I love ya, bro.” He heard a chuckle and looked up, seeing Ivan stare with a smile and a raised brow. “If you felt this, you'd love him too. Magic fingers.” Alfred mumbled, not seeing the happy smile on Mattie's face at the praise.

He had him lay on the living room floor and did a complete chiropractic work over, breaking up all of his tension and realigning an injured knee that Alfred didn't even know about.

Then to everyone's surprise, he looked over at Ivan with a smile. “Sit.”

“I'm fine not feeling your 'magic fingers', Matvey. It's fine.” he turned and Mattie shook his head.

“It's to relax you. Come. Sit. It'll be good for you later, trust me.” He smiled as Ivan stared, seeing the same mauve in Matthew's eyes he sometimes got in his own when he'd snap. He stood up straight, suddenly understanding the fear others had at him at those times. He shuffled over and sat without another word as fingers started feeling along his neck and shoulders before Matthew started breaking up the tension.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Matthew had finished giving everyone massages around the time the doctor got there. Matthew opened the door with a giggle and the man frowned, looking him over.

“You must be one of the others in the house?” The man asked, holding out his hand.

“Yes, it's good to meet you. I'm Matthew, Alfred's brother.” He smiled and the other man nodded, a smile breaking out across his face. “I gave everyone a deep tissue massage and a few chiropractic adjustments, so everyone's relaxed right now. Come on in.” Mattie stepped back and the man walked in with a smile.

He was shorter than Alfred by a few inches, and looked very Japanese. Something about him reminded Mattie of Kiku. Maybe it was the face shapes. They were similar, though the man before him looked a bit older. “I'm Kiyoteru Hiyama. I'm usually a kindergarten teacher, but I got bored and somehow ended up in medical school.” He grinned, getting Mattie to laugh. “I don't usually practice in medicine, so you'll have to pardon if my methods are a bit... unusual. I don't know if anyone here has seen a therapist before.”

“I think most of us have, except Ivan. He's from Russia, where the mental health situation isn't the best.” Mattie winced and the man nodded.

“That's fine. I'm not here to judge, alright?” He smiled and Mattie nodded.

He felt oddly comfortable with this man. He brought him to the living room where Alfred and Ivan were laying on the floor, still lost in the haze of the massages. “Hello. I'm Kiyoteru Hiyama.” He introduced himself to the room and all eyes shifted to him.

“Kiku?” Francis frowned and Mattie chuckled. 

“No, Papa. He's the doctor. He does look like Kiku, doesn't he?” Mattie giggled at the man's surprise.

“He does. Anyway, welcome! Have a seat! Would you like some tea?” Francis asked, knowing Arthur was probably halfway up to get him a glass.

“Ah, no thank you.” He sat softly, watching them. “So introduce me to yourselves!” He smiled pleasantly. “I'll take a guess that that one is Alfred?” He watched as Francis waved.

“I'm Francis Bonnefoy. It's a pleasure, mon ami.” He grinned, shaking his hand.

“Arthur Kirkland.” Arthur spoke with a smile, a tea cup already in his hand.

“Ivan Braginsky.” Ivan waved from the floor with a light chuckle.

“And you guessed right on me.” Alfred grinned. He sat up and turned, Ivan following behind.

“So, who is the one who's showing signs of schizophrenia?” He asked and everyone pointed at Ivan, who frowned and pointed at Matthew.

“Really?” Mattie laughed and Ivan huffed, crossing his arms.

“You talk to your bear!” Ivan frowned and glared at his elbow while the group had a good laugh.

“He talks back! Everyone can hear him! I know Alfred meant well, but I don’t' think he's schizophrenic, but maybe he has some sort of... multiple persona disorder? He'll be fine, then someone will say something and he snaps.” Mattie watched as Ivan closed himself off a little further.

“I didn't mean to.” He pouted and Alfred slid his hand up Ivan's arm.

“We know, and that makes it worse, not better. Everything will be alright, okay?” He smiled and Ivan nodded, unwinding a little. “It's the reason I asked him to work with everyone, not just me. I thought maybe someone else talking to us, seeing the way our mind work might be good for us.” Ivan nodded, a short huff as Alfred turned back to the doctor, who stared.

“So, what are the relationships here?” Dr. Hiyama asked, looking around the room.

“Well, Arthur and myself are Alfred and Mathieu's fathers.”

“Really?” He looked around at the group, thinking he was being teased. “You look much too young to be parents.” He spoke, staring as Francis laughed, leaning back.

“We're a lot older than we look.” Francis grinned as everyone in the room nodded.

“Alright, so Ivan, where do you fit in?” He turned, seeing Ivan staring down at his elbow again.

“I got in a fight. Me and Alfred and Francis and Arthur were banished to this house for a month to help us get along. I'm not in their family.” He spoke softly and Alfred leaned over, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“We keep trying to tell you, you're not kicked out anymore. The Iron Curtain fell, dude. It's time to look out and expand your horizons, and I swear, you can see me from the corner of your land. All you have to do is look, alright?” Alfred grinned as Ivan stared, his cheeks dusting pink at the words.

“Da, I'm sorry. It's habit now. It's been nearly two thousand years since no one panicked at seeing me, it's going to take some time to get used to.” He watched as Alfred's eyes shone. 

“I understand. It's all good.” Alfred grinned and they turned back to the doctor who was still hung up on something he'd heard.

“Two thousand years?”

“Da!” Ivan grinned. “I'll be two thousand in sixty three years. It's been a good century.

“I still have another five hundred years til I hit two thousand.” Francis sighed. “It's hard to believe so much time has passed. You were such a precious child, too.” Francis watched as Ivan glanced over and smiled.

“You were always so pretty.” Ivan giggled, remembering some of the outfits he'd seen Francis in back then. “I remember a beautiful blue dress you wore for a while. It looked like the sky on a clear day.” He smiled, looking down at his lap with the smile still in place.

“We're around the same age.” Arthur glanced over to Francis with a sigh. “And I hated those dresses. You always tried to get me to wear them and be fashionable with you.” He glared and the doctor watched in interest.

“Me and Mattie are a bit younger. We're only five hundred or so.” Alfred stared and the man nodded.

“Alright, Francis, if you could say one issue with the group, with why you don't get along, what would it be?” Dr. Hiyama asked and watched as Francis thought before smiling.

“Tsunderes. Both Arthur and Alfred. It's nearly impossible for them to just say simple, polite things, like 'I love you'. “ Francis watched as Arthur turned red, smacking him on the arm. 

“Arthur, what would you say is the biggest problem for everyone getting along?” He asked and Arthur thought for a second.

“Francis' obsession of love. I'm in love with him, Alfred's in love with Ivan, it's all about love with him.” Arthur frowned when the doctor leaned forward, now curious.

“Is it true, then? Do you love Francis?” He asked and Arthur turned red.

“Sometimes I don't say things because I just don't like to say them. I'm allowed my privacy.” Arthur spoke, trying to hold the air of a pure British gentleman. He missed Dr. Hiyama's eyes shift over to Francis, offering him the look of 'yeah, you're right'. Francis smirked as he brought his teacup to his mouth, feeling the triumph of the moment.

After all, it didn't matter as much to him if Arthur said the words, the important part was that he did love him.

“And you, Alfred. Do you love Ivan?”

Ivan sat back and clenched his eyes, waiting for the words. 'I don't like him', or 'Francis is so funny! Where did he get that idea?' Instead he heard the soft whisper of confusion from beside him. “I don't know.” Ivan glanced over with wide eyes, surprised. “I haven't really given it too much thought, but I guess lately, I've been wondering that myself. I don't know what I feel.” He sighed.

“A lot of that could be your mind not functioning from the lack of food. How long has it been since your last meal you were able to keep in?” He asked and Alfred sighed.

“About two hours? They're making me eat, and staying with me for a few hours after each meal to make sure I don't throw it up. Mattie's a physician, and cut me down to three pills a day until the threat of a heart attack is gone. I didn't know how bad those pills were.” He frowned, lost for a moment in the darker parts of his mind. 

“Pills?” He glanced over and Mattie pulled out a printed off list. 

“Here, I have it all labeled, including the dosages he was on, as well as the three he's still on that have to be weened from.” He spoke and Hiyama nodded, looking at the work.

“It looks like it's a good thing you're a doctor. At these dosages I can't figure out how he's not dead.” Hiyama frowned, glancing up at Alfred. “Are you aware these are lethal doses?”

“It... didn't matter.” Alfred nearly whimpered. 

“It does though. If you died, how would your brother feel? How would your fathers feel?” He asked and Alfred shook his head.

“They'd probably be surprised they could bury me in a normal sized coffin.” He chuckled. Hiyama sat back looking at everyone staring surprised at the boy who sat still, his arms wrapped himself in a protective manner. 

“Amerique, It's not like that.” Francis looked heartbroken at the boy.

“That's all I ever heard. You and your 'You know what's good exercise to get into shape? Honhonhon' or 'I wonder how many hamburgers it'll take for a whole country to drop dead of a heart attack.' or 'You're looking larger and larger, Amerika. If you keep going, I wonder if you'll pop?' The only one of you who didn't pick on me about my weight was Mattie, who was too busy trying to get me to like Tim Hortons!” He ranted out, his eyes looking around the room, as it was nearly visible, the way he tried to hide. “I got tired of hearing it! I lost weight, but it never felt like enough! It didn't feel to me like I'd lost anything! Just like I'd gained more problems, so I had to keep trying...” He stopped, staring numb at the floor in front of him.

He was surprised a second later to be dragged over and placed on Ivan's lap, large arms wrapping around him. “Mne ochen' zhal', Alfred. I never meant for you to do this. I never knew it hurt, when I said such things. Know that how you looked never really even registered to me. I never noticed you lost the weight. I wasn't looking at you like that.” He hugged him and Alfred sat still, his eyes wide at the apology. Alfred knew Ivan was trying to comfort him, but somehow, he felt like he was comforting Ivan instead. A soft breath blew from his mouth as he sat, letting the warmth seep into him. Somehow he hadn't realized how cold he'd gotten and he closed his eyes, leaning against him.

“I didn't mean to do this. I just wanted to go on a diet, lose a few pounds. I didn't know it would go this badly. It's not your fault, Ivan. I don't have self control. Everyone knows that.” Alfred couldn't help but smile, noticing that even though the apologies had been said, Ivan wasn't letting go, and for some reason that Alfred couldn't pinpoint at the time, he was fine with that.

“Alright. I think I have the main problems down, so let's go a little further in depth.” Hiyama smiled. “Matthew, what do you think of your family's situation right now?” He asked softly and Mattie thought, looking up towards the ceiling.

“We're not at war, we're not fighting each other, so at least we're doing well there. Alfred's starting to worry about what other people think. He may have shown it wrong, but if we can correct that and push him in the right direction, I think it'll do him a world of good, eh?” He glanced up and Hiyama nodded. “I would like to see Francis and Arthur actually together. It makes me feel more like a legitimate family instead of the classic definition of a broken home, parents who don't like each other. I don't think Alfred's ever had a good relationship. While him and Ivan are very, vastly different, I think it would do both of them a world of good to give in. It's not good to never let yourself feel love, eh?” He sighed and Hiyama nodded.

“Francis, what about you? What do you think of the family's situation right now?” He watched as Francis sat forward with a grin.

“Arthur's denying his love for me less, and Alfred's happy sitting on Ivan's lap! This is like christmas for me! Now if only we could find a girl for Mathieu, it would be perfect!” Francis giggled before Matthew rolled his eyes.

“Papa, I'm gay. I won't be hooking up with any girls you bring me.” He sighed as he sat back, watching the surprise cross Francis' face.

“Well, I guess it's only natural, when that's what you're surrounded with. Either no lovers,” He waved a hand to Alfred, “or who love only men, you'd see the beauty in the male form!”

“Women just aren't my thing. It has nothing to do with the male form.” Mattie chuckled as Francis shrugged.

“As long as you know what you want, mon petit Mathieu, it's fine with me.” Francis grinned and Hiyama smiled. That was easier than he thought it would be.

“Arthur, what do you think about your family's situation right now?” He watched as Arthur sat forward and placed his cup carefully on the desk before looking over at Francis.

“I don't love you, you bloody twit. Get your mind out of the gutters.” His eyes switched over to Alfred and narrowed. “You've been a selfish, backstabbing pain in my arse for years, and when you finally decide to start giving a fick, it's over your appearance? Did it not dawn on you that maybe you should do something for the world that was useful? Maybe you should have helped out with any earth wide dispute, but you focused on your god damned waist?!”

“Ah, he's slipped into punk.” Francis stared with wide eyes and a bit of a smile. 

“It's not the time to worry about shite like that! We should start worrying about how your government is oppressing the people! Down with the tyranny!” Arthur yelled out, surprising Hiyama, who could only stare in shock.

“It's the twenty first century, mon Angleterre, not the sixties.” Francis watched as Arthur stared and startled before reaching for his tea again.

“Sorry about that.” He said, missing the chuckle from beside him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying here, sorry I haven't been leaving any Author's notes, disclaimers, ect, but was busy writing as fast as possible for Camp Nanowrimo and actually burned myself out, but finished my goal with an extra 16k words... never again am I aiming that high! Sheesh!
> 
> Anywho, I didn't warn my FF.net readers.
> 
> Get ready for a change in dynamic at the end! At the very end. When you read it, you'll understand. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chapter 13

It seemed the group setting had gone to idle chitchat, and honestly Dr. Hiyama was fine with that. The first session was with Mattie, and the rest went out back to watch the stars, which were actually quite amazing from out here. Next in was Francis, followed by Arthur before the longer sessions started.

Alfred walked in, shivering with his arms crossed over himself. Though he only ended out sitting on Ivan's lap for about twenty minutes, and the time had ended nearly two hours ago, somehow he still missed the warmth. Hiyama smiled as Alfred sat on the couch, having moved to one of the chairs to allow the patients more space to relax. “Alfred, I'd like to thank you for calling me out here. I know this isn't probably what you had in mind, but I'd like to make sure you understand the situation you're in. I'd also like to know personally, without everyone else worrying or having to listen in, what you'd like to get from these sessions.”

“I want to get better.” He mumbled. “I didn't-” He cut himself off, his eyes darting around the room and Hiyama sat back, wondering if there was about to be a meltdown. “I didn't want to be ill. I didn't want to become this. I just wanted them to stop picking on me, but now I can't even defend myself. I can't live like this! Ivan snapped earlier and I couldn't even defend Francis from him! I'm the strongest country, Dammit!” He slammed his hands down on the table and Hiyama jumped, staring.

“Strongest... country?” Hiyama stared, curious and Alfred glanced up, looking like a deer in headlights.

“Just ignore the country talk, alright? I'm America, Mattie's Canada, Francis is France, Ivan is Russia and Arthur is England. Secret out of the way. Doctor patient confidentiality.” Alfred sighed as he sat back. “I don't want to feel weak anymore. I'm stronger than this.” Alfred huffed, crossing his arms. 

“Why are you stronger than this? Everyone has problems, you're not excluded. You think the others don't have problems? Do you think Ivan doesn't have problems?” Hiyama asked and Alfred laughed, shaking his head.

“Ivan's been having problems for years. I know he has problems. Fucking chained to a stake and left to die in Russia, I don't even know how many times he's had to kill off those closest to him for the sake of his country. I'm not him though. He suffered, but it's made him stronger. He killed his kings, watched those closest to him break away and leave him behind. He fought for his strength, but I haven't done nearly as much. I'm a lot younger than he is, and I wasn't born til a lot of the things he went through were out of the way. I never had to earn strength like he has.” Alfred stared down at his knee.

“So you don't feel like you've earned your strength.” Hiyama spoke softly and Alfred's shoulders fell. 

“How else am I supposed to feel? Everyone around me is so fucking awesome and I'm famous for my addiction to hamburgers and useless wars.” Alfred reached up, running his hand back through his hair. 

“Have you told the others here that you feel like that?” Hiyama asked and Alfred laughed again.

“It would probably boost their egos, but I don't see it doing much good beyond that. If they even believed me, they'd think it was useless knowledge.” He frowned.

“You know, the others, when they came in here, none of them thought you were useless. They all seemed genuinely worried about you. Not as America, but as Alfred. Maybe you should, for the month that you're here, not be America. Just be who you are. Don't worry about anything else.” He watched as Alfred turned to him, wondering if he even understood what he was saying. “Practice your poi. Wander around and explore. Do the swimming lessons with Francis.”

“Ivan.” Alfred corrected and Hiyama nodded.

“Don't think of anything other than what you are here and now. Tomorrow will only come if today is survived, right?” He spoke, watching Alfred for a response.

“That does make sense.” Alfred frowned. “And I'm in Hawaii. There's plenty of other things I can do.” He looked up with a grin and Hiyama nodded.

“There are lots of things you can do. I recommend you don't run off on your own too much. Honestly, I think your state is still very fragile and I think you need their support, even if you don't realize it.” He watched as Alfred nodded.

“So, do you have any other goals for this? Something else you'd like to see happen by the end of the month?” Hiyama leaned back, wondering if he'd mention it, and it came out really quickly.

“I want to figure out how I feel about Ivan.” He frowned. “Is it just envy? Do I love him? Maybe we've just been at war for so long I feel close to him through the wrong reasons. I don't know, but I want to find out.” He spoke softly and Hiyama smiled.

“Kiss him.” He spoke softly and Alfred stared with wide eyes, a bit shocked.

“What?”

“Kiss him.” Hiyama grinned. “It doesn't have to be a big kiss, just find out if you enjoy it. If you do, then you know there's at least an attraction. If not, you know it's probably something to avoid.” Hiyama watched as Alfred nodded, but he looked terrified. “I'm not saying sleep with him, and it doesn't have to be today.” Hiyama reassured and Alfred nodded again, this time a little less petrified.

“Just a peck. I'll try it.” He sighed as he looked up and Hiyama nodded with a smile.

“I'm going to give you a prescription. Since it's not available in dispensaries yet, I'll have to give it to you myself, but it's legal with the prescription. I'm prescribing it to the whole house, it seems, but I think it'll help, along with your brother's ideas.” He sighed and shook his head. “While I think it's a good idea, the prescription he has isn't legal, so you can't exactly tell anyone about it, alright?” He wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be an issue and Alfred nodded.

“What is it?” He asked, his head cocking to the side.

“He has a medication called MDMA, or Ecstasy. It's a well known medication that though is illegal, has been proven wonderful in therapy cases like this. I'm recommending him to give each of you one pill an hour before treatment in two days, and I'm recommending this as well.” He held out his hand and Alfred took the bottle, holding it up. Inside of the pill bottle were paper rolls and it took a second to dawn on him. 

“Pot?”

“It'll help give you an appetite, which is important. Also you're suffering from low grade depression, which this can also help with, as well as some of the other side effects of all of those pills you were on. I'll give you a paper prescription so if you get found with it, you have proof it was a medical situation.” He smiled as Alfred nodded, but his eyes widened as he looked at the doctor's bag. 

“What else do you have in there?” He wondered out loud and Hiyama lifted a few bottles from his bag and told Alfred the contents, and what they were used for. 

“So, you packed a bunch of things you thought might be useful?” Alfred asked and Hiyama nodded.

“Standard anti-depressants, anti-hallucinogens, anti-psychotics, things of that sort. I wasn't too clear on the case when I got your call, but I figured from it, these were my best bets.” He grinned and Alfred nodded.

“So we're done for today?” Alfred started to stand and Hiyama smiled.

“One joint an hour before meals. Can you send Ivan in please?” He asked and Alfred nodded.

Ivan was visibly more nervous than Alfred had been. He sat, his hands pressed between his knees, his head down as if he were being punished. “It's safe here. Just so you know, nothing you say in here can be said by me to anyone else unless you give me written permission. You're allowed to say anything you want, and I can't tell anyone, alright?” He asked and Ivan nodded, glancing up with worry. “Tell me about your episodes.” Hiyama watched as Ivan squirmed in his seat.

“I can't control what I say. I don't mean to say such horrible, hateful things, but I just can't get my mouth to stop. I grabbed Francis earlier and said horrible things, like how I could bite the vein out of his wrist, and held his hand to my mouth. It's like my body just stops being under my control, and someone else takes control.” He spoke softly.

“How long has this been happening?” Hiyama watched as Ivan squirmed even more.

“All my life. Sometimes it's harder to control, like in the U.S.S.R. days, I was a nightmare. I'd just snap at stupid things, like the tea being too sweet and I'd beat the hell out of Toris with my pipe.” He winced. “I used to rape Raivis because he would scream the loudest. I don’t' think there's anything you can do to help me. I'm pretty sure I'm beyond saving.” He watched as Hiyama stared, surprised at the admittance.

Instead of being kind, he narrowed his eyes. “That's really fucked up. It does sound like you have problems.” He stared, his eyes watching closely as he arrogantly crossed his legs. “Normal people don't do things like beat people, or rape them. And what's worse is you don't even have the shame to hide what-” He noticed the eyes on him shift color, taking a redder tone as Ivan stared, his eyes now wide, but not in surprise or fear.

“And you, little human, I wonder how loud you'd scream.” Ivan grinned wide, each tooth showing and Hiyama stared, realizing that this might not have been his best idea as a hand reached for his lapel and yanked him forward as Ivan stood. His feet dangled above the ground as Ivan moved his face an inch from Hiyama's. “Learn respect, or I'll teach you the same way I taught them, which I guarantee, will be more than fun for me.” His eyes stared right into Hiyama's soul before he notice the color bleed back, his eyes returning to their violet.

“Can you please put me down?” He asked and Ivan stared, seeming a little confused for a second before he put him down, shaking like a leaf. 

“I'm so sorry! I promise I won't rape you or beat you! I didn't mean those things!” Ivan started to panic and Hiyama leaned forward, sliding a hand onto his shoulder.

“I tried to make you snap. You're fine. I wanted to see what kind of symptoms you had, and there was only one way to know. You did wonderfully.” Hiyama assured him and Ivan nodded as he sat, but tears clung to the corners of his eyes. “The good news is it's not something really bad, like schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. The bad news is I've never seen anything like that. You had a physical reaction to the snap. Your eyes and posture both shifted in seconds. If it's alright, I'd like to ask another doctor about this. I wouldn't disclose any information about you, just your gender. I wouldn't have to make any distinguishable mentions, but I think I know someone else who might understand your situation a little better.” He asked and Ivan frowned.

“They wouldn't know it's me?” He asked and Hiyama shook his head.

“Not at all.” He watched as Ivan nodded. He pulled out the papers and started filling them out as he sighed. “So, besides controlling these snaps, is there anything else you'd like to work on during this month?” He asked and Ivan was just happy the man before him wasn't upset at his snap.

“I don't know. I still don't totally understand what's happening.” He frowned and Hiyama looked up, curious. “What else is there to work on, I mean. Maybe try to be nicer? Try to not freak out so often? I was strong and really scary not too far back, and I was alone. Even my sisters ran away, but now that I'm trying, honestly trying to be kinder, it seems like I'm messing it all up. What do I do about that?” He asked and Hiyama sighed.

“It sounds like you're freaking out because you're worried about what others will think. It sounds like you and Alfred both need to meet the same goal, learn to be happy with who you are.” He smiled and Ivan frowned, shaking his head.

“How can you be happy with who you are if you're a monster? My sisters left me for a reason. Toris and Raivis left me for a reason. I drive people away.” He frowned and Hiyama smiled.

“While you're worried about being a monster, Alfred has admitted he doesn't know how he feels about you. You haven't driven him away, right?” Hiyama spoke softly, watching as Ivan's eyes widened.

“I haven't, have I?”

“No. As a matter of fact, he seems to be really happy that you'll be here with him for this time. Maybe instead of focusing on others, maybe focus on the ones you're here with. Try to enjoy spending time with them, and I'm willing to bet you'll feel better with that. Sometimes the best way to make others happy is to be happy yourself. Give that a try before you panic, alright?” He watched as Ivan nodded, hope nearly tangible in the room.

“I'll give you the same prescriptions I gave everyone else, but I think it'll do you a lot of good. He reached into his bag and searched for a moment before finding the last bottle. “Do you know how to smoke?” He asked and Ivan nodded, curious as he was handed a pill bottle full of joints. “One joint an hour before meals. It'll help with depression, which you seem to be suffering quite badly from, and it might help your mood in general, so you don't end out snapping again. Keep tabs between now and my next visit and let me know if it seems to happen more or less often, alright?” Hiyama asked and Ivan nodded. “Also, an hour before our next meeting, Matthew will give you a pill. Take it and then spend an hour relaxing, doing something that calms you, alright? Try to not be so tense.” Hiyama watched as Ivan nodded again.

“Thank you.” Ivan muttered, nearly at a whisper. He was surprised, but at the same time, he was still afraid. His eyes shifted from the bottle to the doctor, who smiled and stood, grasping his bag.

“It's not a problem. I just need you to remember I had to make you snap. You didn't do it for fun, and the words I said were quite hurtful, so try not to hold it against me, alright?” He smiled as he turned and walked to the door, leaving Ivan sitting in shock for a few minutes after he left.

Alfred ran in as Francis ran to the kitchen. It was already nearly seven and dinner hadn't even started being prepared yet. “Well, I say we all go out back after I get this started and start on the medication we all got.” Francis laughed, seeing the shock on Ivan's face and the pill bottle in his hand. 

“Are you alright?” Alfred asked, seeing Ivan shaking like a leaf.

“I snapped at him. I threatened to beat him with a pipe and rape him.” Ivan glanced up, seeing Alfred pale at the words.

“Why would you do that?” Alfred swallowed hard.

“He said I was fucked up, and I snapped and grabbed him and threatened him and he told me it was his fault! That he needed to see me snap! Two times today I snap and no one's freaking out!” Ivan stared up at Alfred, more panicked now than right after he snapped and Alfred sighed, nodding.

“Of course he'd have to see it. It's a major symptom after all. You're better now though, right?” Alfred's head cocked gently to the side and Ivan nodded, surprised. “Come on. Let's head out back and calm down, alright? We're all about to get high and see what happens from there.” Alfred grinned and Ivan nodded, stilling.

He was happy it hadn't come up. Ivan was never asked what he thought about Alfred, and he wanted the first time he said it not be due to a doctor, or where someone else could hear. He reached out and grabbed him, pulling Alfred to his chest. He stood for a second, feeling him still then relax, and as arms softly worked around his chest he sighed. He wanted this. To feel this warmth and happiness that he felt when he had Alfred in his arms.

“Alfred, I love you.”


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

“Alfred, I love you.”

Ivan spoke these words before clenching his eyes. He felt his heart beating out of control in his chest and stilled, trying to calm it before it fell out. 

Alfred stilled in his arms, and Ivan hoped with all of his being that he wasn't trying to figure out how to run away.

Alfred heard the words and stared, surprised. That was not what he'd expected to hear. How are you supposed to respond to words like that? He had no idea what to do, but he felt Ivan turn to stone in his arms. He was scared senseless. 

Doctor Hiyama had said that giving him a kiss might help him make up his mind. He stepped back, seeing Ivan take this the wrong way and smiled, placing his hands on his cheeks. Alfred smiled, looking up into violet eyes and smiled softly. “I'm not sure how I feel about you, but I'd like to find out.” He spoke softly, his words barely making it to Ivan's ears through his pulse. He watched as Alfred stepped forward and carefully pulled his head down before soft lips met his own.

Ivan felt Alfred open like a book. He saw and felt everything of his past and present. He could see every secret, feel every emotion and panted at the sensation. A kiss was nothing like he'd expect. It was soft and kind, but it made him crave. He wanted him. Alfred wanted him. He was scared and confused, and he was realizing how weak he really was, but he knew Ivan made him feel better. He knew he wanted Ivan to smile and be happy with him. Alfred wanted him to smile at him.

He did love him back.

Alfred kissed Ivan and felt his past. His hurt and his anger. His tears and screams for help of so many kinds that were always punished. The power trips he got when he was strong, the beatings and rapes, the violence, which he reveled in publicly only to cry himself to sleep confused and hurt at night. 

Ivan was one giant contradiction. He loved Alfred, but he often felt like he didn't know what love was. He was scared and worried all of the time, but half of the time it was because he feared growing too strong and hurting those close to him again. He was afraid of himself.

But he knew that Alfred loved him, and it made him feel amazing. 

As Alfred stepped back, breaking the kiss, his eyes started to tear up. Alfred's heart was near pounding out of his chest. Was that what a kiss was supposed to feel like? It was intense, but so gentle! He craved more! Alfred wanted more of it, but he noticed Ivan staring at him in fear. Ivan stepped away, his hands tumbling up his chest as a sound of shock and pain met his ears before a dull thud was heard and Alfred had to check to make sure he wasn't passed out again. He looked down and noticed beside his foot was Ivan's heart. 

He looked up in wonder while Ivan's eyes shifted darker, but he didn't look threatening. “What happened?” Alfred asked softly and Ivan looked down, bending to pick up his heart.

“My heart started beating too fast, so it fell out.” He spoke as he walked to the kitchen, washing it off in the sink. Francis turned and saw the heart and stilled, cringing. 

When he looked up to see the color of Ivan's eyes, and the fact Alfred was still standing he started to panic. “Please tell me he didn't kill the doctor.”

“I- This was my fault. Ivan, are you alright?” Alfred asked, laying his hand on Ivan's arm and the other responded simply with a nod.

“It's fine.” Ivan responded rather blandly. No emotions seemed to come from him and Alfred realized, without his heart, he didn't feel them. 

“Ivan, do you still love me? Even now?” He asked and Ivan turned to him and frowned, but offered a brief nod. He looked down at his heart and lifted his shirt to find the hole to slide it back in. As it reconnected to his body Ivan nearly fell back, his body shaking like a leaf before he looked up at Alfred and his knees gave out. Alfred rushed in to catch him but wasn't able to hold him up alone. He looked over, finding Mattie rushing in to help as well. They brought him to the back patio and Alfred sat beside him as Mattie ran back out, understanding something was happening between the two.

“Now, even though your heart's back in, do you still love me?” Alfred asked, and wasn't nearly as surprised as Ivan reached out and grasped his hand and smiled.

He leaned over carefully and offered a soft but quick kiss. He pulled back and looked up with a smile.

“Da. I love you.” Ivan smiled, feeling his pulse steady and his mood lift sky high.

“I think I love you too.” Alfred spoke and Ivan grinned, nodding.

Francis came out a few minutes later and Mattie and Arthur ran up, both smiling, while Kumajirou dragged a large fish out of the water. Alfred laughed before looking down, his hand still in Ivan's, but it was fine. He watched as Francis and Mattie noticed the touch and they each smiled before sitting down. Arthur pulled out a zippo from his pocket, lighting his first before passing the lighter to Mattie. As it was passed around Alfred, Arthur and Francis all laughed.

“This is like old times.” Arthur grinned, leaning back and they could tell his punk persona was back. “It's been a while, old friend.” He spoke to the joint before taking another hit and Alfred giggled.

“I haven't done this since the 80's. How nostalgic!” he laughed as he passed the lighter to Ivan, who frowned. 

“If this were Russia, we'd all be liable for prison right now.” He frowned and Alfred shook his head.

“Then be happy we're not in Russia! Doctor's orders!” Alfred taunted before Ivan finally lit it, taking a short hit before another longer one, making sure it was lit all the way.

“So...” Mattie grinned, looking at the hands that were still held. “Are you two a couple now?”

“I don't know.” Alfred glanced over at Ivan, who was staring confused at the rolled paper on fire in his hand. “What's wrong?”

“This doesn't taste like what I would have expected.” He frowned before taking another hit. 

“Mattie asked if we're a couple now. Are we? I don't really know how this works.” Alfred admitted with a bit of a blush and Ivan smiled.

“Do you want to be in a relationship with me? I'm weird and violent, but I try hard.” He shrugged and Alfred smiled, nodding.

“I think maybe it would be good to give it a try.” He spoke, watching as Ivan relaxed a little, having been stressed over what Alfred would say.

“Then we're a couple then, at least until you decide. Does that sound good?” Ivan asked carefully and Alfred blushed, but nodded and Ivan grinned.

“Good.” He smiled as they both looked at each other before returning their eyes to the group, taking another hit.

“Arthur, would you be in a couple with me?” Francis asked and promptly received a boot to the face. Arthur leaned back, a blush on his cheeks, the joint already smoked and a cigarette now dangling from his lip.

“Fick you. Don't ask such embarrassing things.” Arthur grumbled, leaning back and Alfred and Mattie stared. He was hardcore into the punk mode now, something that didn't happen very often to the 'British Gentleman'.

“This is interesting.” Ivan stared, his eyes wide, but staring amused at the man before him. “I haven't seen Arthur so laid back since his pirate days!” Ivan watched as eyes narrowed at him.

“Don't be tellin' these guys any untruths. I've always been an angel.” He grumbled. Mattie and Alfred looked at each other and burst into giggles. 

Francis went to go check on dinner while the others went to go walk in the sand for a bit, still giggling like schoolgirls over their medications. Arthur glanced at the three heading down and turned back to Francis with a grin. He walked into the kitchen and leaned back, his eyes narrowing as he looked the other over. Francis felt like a piece of meat with the look Arthur was giving him, but it didn't bother him in the slightest. “I'll make you a deal.” Arthur grinned and Francis felt his heart pound. “I'll let you be in a couple with me, but after dinner, you have to keep me entertained.” He stepped forward, grasping Francis' shirt and pulled him close, Arthur's eyes focused on his lips. “All night long, you have to keep me happy. If you can make me beg for more, then you'll be mine.” He grinned, his eyes flipping up to Francis', who stared in shock.

He forgot how dominant Arthur could be, but he also knew once they got upstairs that could change rather quickly.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Francis grinned.

About half an hour later food was served, and Francis and Arthur both excused themselves for the evening as the other three made their way back to the patio. “Al, I missed this.”

“I missed it too. You can be such a great little brother.” Alfred smiled. “Thanks for coming out here for this and sticking around with me. You didn't have to, but it means the world to me.” Alfred watched as Mattie laughed, patting his back.

“You're my big brother. I had to come out. I was scared to death, you know! That picture, I thought you had been tortured or something!” Mattie watched as Alfred stood and stripped off his shirt. 

“It's only been a few days, but do I at least look better than I did in that picture?” He asked and Mattie laughed.

“You were a skeleton! It'll take more than two days, Al!” He laughed, but Ivan scooted forward and looked him over closely. It made Alfred blush to be under such close scrutiny. 

“You're gaining weight. It's not a lot, and the muscle looks like it's repairing itself on your stomach and chest. Your arms are thin, but it looks like most of the muscle repair there is done.” He glanced up and noticed Alfred's blush. “What?”

“How closely did you look him over before?” Mattie asked, now blushing as well, as Ivan thought.

“I asked him where he thought he was fat, and I examined the areas. That's all.” Ivan smiled as Alfred nodded.

“I forgot about that.” he chuckled and Mattie shook his head.

“I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'll join you for your poi lessons!” He grinned before running over to his house.

Alfred stared for a moment before he saw Kumajirou chase after and sighed.

They sat outside and looked at the stars for another hour. They didn't even speak, just held hands and looked up at the stars, watching the way they twinkled. “It's beautiful here.” Ivan spoke softly and Alfred turned to him with a smile.

“Thank you.” His voice was barely a whisper.

Another few minutes later they stood and made their way into the house, turning off the lights before heading upstairs. They stilled, wide eyed at the top of the stairs and Ivan groaned. Francis' room was right next to his, and there was no way he'd sleep through this. “I'll go sleep on the couch.” He grumbled, but Alfred didn't release his hand for a moment.

“You can sleep in my room with me.” Alfred offered. “We don't have to do anything, just sleep, but it'll be more comfortable than the couch.” He glanced up as Ivan stared, surprised and blushing like mad. 

“Ah, Da. Thank you. I'll go get something to wear to bed, then.” He smiled as he headed to his room and grabbed his clothes, running as quickly as possible.

They went upstairs and stilled, listening for more sound, but when none appeared, they both sighed in relief. “You can change out here. I'll go to the bathroom.” Alfred spoke as he started going through his dresser, finding a tank top and a pair of satin sleeping pants he had. They were longer, but they'd be comfortable. He ran into the bathroom and changed, hearing Ivan in the next room. When Ivan called out he was done Alfred came out, seeing him in silk shorts and a tank top. Alfred reminded Ivan to pull his stuff from his pockets and designated him a space on the dresser to put it before tossing everything into his basket. They walked to opposing sides of the bed and stared for a moment, each steadying themselves.

Sleeping together normally meant something entirely different, but they were being innocent tonight. Alfred pulled down the covers and Ivan followed suit as they both climbed into the bed and started readjusting pillows and such before they realized something.

“Is it alright if I move closer?” Alfred asked and Ivan looked over with a smile.

“Of course. As close as you like. It's your bed, after all.” He chuckled as Alfred moved all the way over and looked up nervously before lifting Ivan's arm to lay over the pillows and carefully laid his head on Ivan's chest. 

Ivan knew Alfred could hear his heart pounding again at the closeness. Ivan swallowed hard and wondered how they would turn off the bedside lights now that neither of them could move. “We need to turn off the lights.” Ivan mumbled and Alfred sat up quickly, turning his off.

“I'm sorry. Was that too close?” He asked, his back still turned and Ivan turned off his light before softly grasping Alfred's shoulders. He pulled him back so his chest met the other's back and leaned his head over, whispering in his ear.

“No, It was amazing. I just wanted the lights off.” He smiled as Alfred turned to him and nodded. Ivan couldn't hold back a chuckle at how self conscious Alfred was being. Seeing him being cute like this was good too, he guessed, but he couldn't wait to have his cocky, fighting Alfred back. Ivan laid down, getting himself a little more comfortable before Alfred laid his head back on Ivan's shoulder and wiggled around, trying to make sure he was comfortable before Ivan's arm pulled over him, wrapping Alfred in him. Alfred glanced up as soft lips met his forehead.

“Spokoynoy nochi , lyubimaya .” Ivan's soft words drifted past his ears and Alfred could still hear his heart pounding.

“Good night, Ivan.” His cheeks were burning. Alfred felt so embarrassed, but happy at the same time as he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. 

It was more comfortable in Ivan's arms than he ever would have imagined. With that thought, Alfred fell into sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Alfred woke to warmth. It was such an odd feeling, but he didn't mind it at all. His eyes opened to see Ivan laying, still asleep and he couldn't help the smile that broke out across his face. He sat up and looked closely over the other, a bit unsure of what to think, but he was surprised when he looked him over closely. There was practically no fat on him. It was all muscle, though he did have a little bit around his waist, it wasn't enough to make him think it was fat. His cheeks were rounder, but completely free of blemishes. His lips were pink, and little lines seemed to stretch out from the crack of his mouth. The shape of his lips was perfect. The lines were amazingly accurate. His eyelashes were longer than Alfred had thought, but due to the color they were harder to see from farther away. 

He was beautiful. Alfred glanced down, seeing the large gauze wrapped around his neck and frowned. He had wondered what kind of scar had been left there, but he remembered.

When they kissed, when their minds connected, he remembered, and he knew what had happened.

When the Romanovs were killed, he'd snapped. He held Anastasia and cried his eyes out, taking her and her little brother far away and buried them away from the fighting, away from the city, where they could be surrounded by flowers. Only she'd survived at first, but she didn't even make it to the space. After she passed, he returned for her brother and had taken them to his home. 

He didn't want their souls to be unhappy, so he buried them in his garden. She had been his first kiss, and last before last night. When he'd finished burying them, he knelt down, still in uniform and slid his sword into the earth and rested his neck on the sharp blade, pushing down. As it sliced through flesh, his blood pouring into the earth, he got weaker and dizzier, and as he slid down the blade, it cut further. 

The wound on his neck was self inflicted. He'd tried to kill himself. He glanced up, worry lining his brow before he noticed violet eyes on his. “I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you. You know about it now, right?” Ivan mumbled and Alfred nodded.

“You really loved her, didn't you?” He asked, sitting up and Ivan followed suit.

“Da.” He glanced down at his hands. “She's the reason I'm so paranoid about things like love now. Everything I love dies. They knew I wouldn't kill her, so they did it on a shift where I was off.” He glanced up and Alfred nodded, though his head didn't turn back to him. “Are you upset with me?”

“No.” Alfred turned, looking at Ivan. It was easy to see the sadness and a touch of worry in Alfred's eyes and Ivan reached out, softly cradling his cheek. 

“That was the past. It can't reach us here, alright?” He watched as Alfred nodded, but looked away.

“Did it feel different? Now to then?” He asked and Ivan smiled, gently pulling Alfred closer through the cheek he held. 

“It does, very much so. I cared about her deeply, but she was young, and I hadn't had much of a chance to let that feeling settle. It was more of a feeling of just...” Ivan thought for a second, looking for the right words, “I wanted to protect her. She was young and bright, like a star.” Ivan smiled, running a thumb over Alfred's cheek. “While I want you to be safe, I know when your strength comes back you'll be able to protect yourself. Instead of your safety, I'm worried more about your happiness. I want to see you smile and laugh and play.” Ivan spoke, looking over Alfred's face as he started to turn pink. Ivan pulled him a little further and Alfred flipped over to his hands and knees, following the hand on him. “I want you to be shining and strong, the star that you always are.” Ivan's eyes flickered down to Alfred's lips quickly before darting back up. “There's a very large difference.” Ivan leaned over the last inch and brought his lips to Alfred's. 

Though their minds connected, he was able to focus more on Alfred. The way his lips felt against his and the way he tasted. Ivan gently grasped him and pulled him forward to straddle his lap, his hands running over soft cheeks as he kissed Alfred half senseless first thing in the morning. Their lips finally parted and they both gasped for air. It was very easy to see that things could progress easily from here, but that wasn't what Ivan wanted. “Let's get dressed.” He spoke softly and Alfred seeming to suddenly understand what he was doing scooted back embarrassed. 

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled as he started to stand and was surprised when a hand grasped his wrist and yanked him back down to the bed. Ivan leaned over him, his eyes focused on Alfred's, even through the odd angle. Alfred's breath caught in his throat at the lusting look that crossed the other.

“There's no reason for that.” He chuckled. “I feel it's better to have you well and healthy again before I do any thing that could break you.” Ivan ran a hand down his neck, sending pleasant shivers through him and Ivan smiled at the response. “Besides, we just started going out yesterday. There's no reason to rush, Da?” Ivan watched as Alfred nodded, surprised.

“Yeah.” Alfred sighed out, still entranced by the hand running down his chest now. 

“You're so sensitive...” Ivan watched, captivated at the man beneath him before pulling back his hand. If he didn't do it now, he knew he'd regret it later. “I'll go get dressed.” Ivan leaned down offering another soft kiss before standing and walking through the door, hoping Alfred's mind was as fogged over as it seemed. He was horrified to find Francis in the hallway, staring with wide eyes at him. His eyes shifted down the front of Ivan's body, who slapped his hands down over the signs of his interest as he rushed passed, into his bedroom. Ivan found his clothes and jumped into the shower, knowing he had to get rid of the stress of such a wonderful wake up.

By the time he made his way downstairs a half hour had passed, and everyone else was sitting out on the patio, chatting happily. Alfred noticed him and waved him over, holding up the things he'd left on Alfred's dresser. Ivan walked out and sat down, a slap coming to his back as Francis grinned.

“You look much more relaxed, mon ami!”

“I will break off your arms.” Ivan grumbled and Alfred stared, a little surprised at the sudden change in personality from when Ivan had left his room this morning.

“I will kill all of you if you don't shut up.” Arthur grumbled, his hand over his face. Ivan looked down and frowned, knowing he was grumpy since he hadn't slept last night.

“Alfred told me you'd slept in his room because we were being too loud last night. I'm sorry, mon ami. I hadn't meant for that to happen.” Francis blushed as Ivan nodded, slapping a hand over his face.

“It's fine. Very comfortable up there.” Ivan glanced over to Alfred, who smiled.

“Hey!” They heard and all looked over, seeing Kumajirou running away with Mattie's shirt, and they all had to stifle a chuckle at the panic. When the bear reached the water Mattie stopped chasing, knowing he couldn't wear it now anyway until it was cleaned. “Kumagachi! Why would you do that?” He called out before turning and seeing everyone staring as he walked up with a sigh. “Sorry, it's been an interesting morning.” Mattie sighed as he sat down and the others nodded.

“Da, for us too.” Ivan sighed, shaking his head, though a slight smile came to him. 

“Germany's here.” He glanced up, seeing Alfred pale. 

“Why?” He asked and Canada frowned.

“He thought maybe you guys could use a mediator. I told him you actually hired a therapist and you're doing really well, but he won't listen. Also, that picture of you, everyone thinks it's fake.” Mattie watched as Alfred stared before bursting into laughter.

“Thank god!” He grinned and Ivan stared, surprised for a moment. It was honest relief. 

“Did it bother you? That I'd done that?” Ivan asked and Alfred turned, a cocky grin coming to his face as Arthur pulled out a pill bottle and a lighter.

“Of course.” Alfred stilled, the smile dropping off his face. “I didn't want everyone to see me as weak, so what else am I supposed to feel when a picture of me looking like that hits everyone?” He tucked his arms between his knees and Ivan leaned over, sliding an arm carefully over his back.

“I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you worry or feel bad. I just wanted you to see how others saw you.” He watched as Alfred nodded and glanced up with a smile.

“I know. That's why I'm not upset.” He smiled before Francis passed him the lighter. “You know, with how many of us used to smoke, it's odd only one of us has a lighter on them.” Alfred thought out loud and Francis grinned.

“I only smoke when I'm stressed out over projects, so it's pointless for me to carry one outside of my den.” Francis watched as the others nodded.

“I still smoke.” Arthur mumbled, still deep into his punk mood and Francis grinned down at him.

“I quit about five years ago.” Alfred glanced over, seeing Francis' eyes widen.

“Really? You seemed so dead set on continuing.” He frowned as Alfred nodded.

“I was, but it was expensive, and I started coughing really badly from it. Doctor said I had tar in my lungs, and so I quit. I don’t' need a road in my lungs, you know?” He glanced over and Francis nodded. “That was actually about the time I really started putting on weight.”

“Interesting.” Mattie frowned, watching. 

“I tried smoking once. It was gross.” Ivan wriggled his nose at the memory and Alfred chuckled, leaning his head over on Ivan's shoulder. 

“Check this out.” Mattie grinned as he passed the lighter back to Arthur, who yanked out a cigarette and shoved the short end of the joint into it before lighting it. All eyes shifted over to Matthew's house, where Germany came out of the back door, his combat pants, boots and jacket worn, though the jacket was just tossed over his shoulders.

“Oi, Captain!” Alfred called out. “You're at the beach, you know! You should try dressing down!” He giggled as Ludwig turned to them, a golden eyebrow lifting as he realized what was happening. He walked up with a frown as he glared over the group, currently sitting in a circle, puffs of smoke dissipating into the air as they all giggled like mad.

“Vhat is going on here?” He asked as he stared and they each pulled out the bottles and held them up.

“They're prescription. It's legal here.” Alfred grinned and Ludwig rolled his eyes.

“Still not sure if I'm much for this.” Ivan glanced down before sighing. “It makes my head feel foggy.”

“But you're so comfy!” Alfred giggled, curling up on his lap, much to Ludwig's surprise.

Everyone stared for a minute as Alfred wiggled around, getting himself comfy as Ivan rested his head on Alfred's shoulder, complaining that the previous comment didn't make sense. “Don't care.” Alfred spoke as he rested, taking another hit and staring, realizing it was done. He tossed it into the mug they'd started using as an ashtray the night before and turned, resting his head on Ivan's shoulder, straddling his lap.

“Looks like a lot has changed in my absence.” Ludwig stared as Mattie started laughing.

“We're together now too.” Francis grinned, patting Arthur's knee, who shot him a glare so wilting Francis was waiting for his face to melt off. 

“But you said last night-”

“Fine!” Arthur jumped up, slapping a hand over Francis' mouth. “We're together! Just... never speak of that again!” He glared as Francis grinned and nodded softly.

“If that is what you wish, mon amour.” Francis grinned and Mattie looked up at Ludwig with a grin.

“If you're sticking around here, this prescription will probably be given to you as well. It helps you calm down and relax, which I'm worried might break you!” He laughed, Alfred joining in.

“I'll pass, thanks.” He stared, wondering what was happening around him. It definitely looked like they were getting along, but was that only because of the drugs? 

“Ugh.” Alfred stumbled to his feet and made his way into the kitchen, staring at the trays. He slipped into the fridge, pulling out the ham and cheese slices and laid everything out on the counter and made himself a plate before heading back to the patio and sat back, nibbling at the food.

Francis and Arthur grinned, happy to see he was indeed getting an appetite, while Ivan patted his back softly.

“You forgot your milk. I'll get it.” He smiled as he stood and made his way inside.

“It's good to see you're hungry.” Mattie smiled and Alfred looked over with a smile.

“I've had you guys pampering me for days now. Of course I'll start getting hungry when faced with blini and begnets.” He grinned before nibbling on a danish with strawberry and cream cheese. “I also noticed my freezer is half full of whiskey and vodka.”

“Ah, I got them before I knew about your condition. There's a nightly shipment, thanks to the wonderful grocery store on the other island. You're welcome to it, if you're healthy enough.” Francis spoke up and Alfred frowned.

“I don't know. Maybe later.” Alfred nibbled as Ivan came out, a plate in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. “Thanks.” He glanced over to Ivan, who smiled and patted his back.

“If it's alright with you all, I'd like to stick around and see if things continue to go this smoothly.” Ludwig stated, though his eyes now hovered over Alfred. He looked over his arms and legs, much thinner than he thought they would be and remembered the picture. He was able to hide his surprise at the discovery that it was real. 

Alfred was deathly thin.

“Is there a reason you're taking such interest in thoroughly staring at my boyfriend?” Ivan asked him, brows lowered, a protective glare coming over him and Ludwig sighed.

“So I'm guessing the photo was real, then?” He asked and Ivan frowned, scooting closer to Alfred, who giggled.

“Don't worry. Ludwig has no interest in me, right?” Alfred looked up, seeing Ludwig glare, almost confused.

“Ja, vhat?” He stared, his mind choosing to ignore everything that had just happened. Interest in Alfred had never, EVER, crossed his mind.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Mattie had an extra pair of poi in his house and they all sat on the beach, practicing. Ludwig was surprised at such an interesting past time, but as they hadn't lit them up, he didn't see it as anything other than a kata with an unusual weapon. They didn't stop til lunch, but after another round of their 'medication' and lunch, Alfred and Ivan got dressed to go into the water. Alfred made sure Ivan's chest was protected before taking him out. Ivan was a bit more comfortable in the water than he had been before and Alfred started trying to teach him some of the more important basics. 

Like how to float. He held his hands under Ivan's back, holding his head above water carefully as he reminded Ivan to breathe. It took a while before Ivan's eyes turned to Alfred, seeing both of his hands slide above the water with a grin on his face. “You're floating.”

Alfred showed him how to kick and laughed as Ivan started splashing him with the water. He stilled, cocking his head to the side, seeing the sky start to turn red, reflecting off of the water. Alfred's skin stole the color, his hair hanging from the moisture. He was thin, but it was still the man he'd fallen in love with, and Ivan smiled, watching him as the sun started to set. Alfred's laughter halted as he noticed the stillness of the other and glanced up with a smile. “What's that look for?” He watched as Ivan walked up and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. A soft kiss surprised Alfred, but he wasn't near complaining as he looked up, a little surprised at the sudden affection, as he'd learned as affectionate as he could be, Ivan wasn't.

“You look beautiful out here like this.” Ivan ran a hand over his ear, pressing his hair back and Alfred smiled, a bit of a blush coming to his cheeks.

“I'm sure I don't look half as amazing as you.” He chuckled, seeing a sudden brightness in Ivan's eyes as they stood, just staring for a few moments before they heard a yell. 

“Alfred! Elij- uh, Sorry! When ever you're ready!” Mattie yelled out and they both sighed before walking up to the land.

When the poi were lit Ludwig just stared, finally seeing the captivation the others had with the hobby. He started trying again, but was only about as successful as Arthur had been his first night.

Ivan was taught trick after trick, and with little problem was able to do most of them within minutes. Alfred paid some attention, but spent half of the lesson just staring at Ivan and the joy on his face as he spun. 

As the lesson ended everyone headed to the kitchen. Arthur, being banned from actually cooking, had ordered a ham that Francis had stuck in the oven before the lessons had begun, and was finishing just as they were coming out. It didn't take too long for him to whip up some sides, deciding to take their medication while they were cooking and the ham was resting.

“It's so pretty out here...” Arthur mumbled, his eyes wide on the sky above them. It was turning into a beautiful evening, and the stars had just started twinkling in the sky. 

“Oui, it is, mon amour.” Francis leaned over, resting his head on Arthur's shoulder, who blushed at the contact.

“Did anyone hear that?” Mattie turned towards the house and Alfred glanced in, hearing a cellphone going off.

“Ah, I think that's mine.” He stood and walked into the house, leaving the others to their thoughts.

He looked, finding a text message from Prussia. “I'm sure he didn't mean it.” He frowned as he looked, trying to figure it out when he remembered the picture Ivan put online. He went and found it fairly quickly, knowing when he'd first gotten it he had turned his phone off at Ivan's insistence.

“He's too fat to be that person.”  
“It has to be photoshopped. America's a fucking slob.”  
“He's probably only doing it for attention.”  
“I can't wait til he has a heart attack and we can be rid of the mess he is. He's a disgrace to the world.”

Alfred stared, scrolling down finding insult after insult. He could feel the walls closing in around him. He could hear laughter and snapped, rushing over to push his bed against the door. He ran to the bathroom, forcing himself to throw up anything that hadn't already left his stomach and found the bottles of pills he'd been given and told one a day, and downed five of each of them before running out and closing his curtains. He searched his drawers, looking for something, ANYTHING that would keep him from gaining the weight back. 

He wasn't strong enough to see what they'd thought of him, what they said about him if they didn't think he could hear. It was a good fifteen minutes later his stomach and head started to turn and he stumbled back, hitting hard against the wall, forcing out the sob that had been stuck in his throat. 

He could feel the walls closing further around him and curled up, barely able to breathe enough to cry. He heard a knock at his door and let out a startled yell at the sound, completely lost in his panic.

“Alfred? Is everything alright, love?” He heard, but it sounded warped and condescending to his ears. Even Arthur hated him. He'd been told so so many times. They were grounded to this island because they hated each other. How could he have forgotten? They were probably all laughing at him behind his back. Francis, Arthur Ivan...

As Alfred started to sob louder, Arthur heard the sound and started trying to force the door open. He was able to get through the one at the bottom of the stairs easily, but the one at the top he couldn't budge. He started trying to bash it open, knowing something was wrong.

Alfred was wailing. In his panic he started yelling for him to open the door, throwing his shoulder into it, trying to force the blockage away, but it wasn't working. Ludwig and Ivan, having heard the sound rushed up to find Arthur yelling out that everything would be alright, trying with all his might to bust down the door.

Ivan snapped as soon as he heard the sobs. “Move.” He grunted out and Arthur turned to look, seeing nearly red eyes looking up at him and rushed down the stairs, knowing Ivan was giving him a time limit. He rushed up, plowing through the door, moving the bed back just enough that he could get through. 

Alfred ran to the bathroom, the pills too unsettling on his stomach, the sound from the door giving was the final straw as he threw up the pills. “Not enough!” His hands shook as he jumped up and threw open the medicine cabinet to get more.

Ivan grabbed him and pulled him back, holding him still. Alfred thrashed as he tried to escape, tried to get back to the pills that had made him so thin.

Arthur had rushed in just as Ivan pulled him from the bathroom and grabbed the pills, running out of the room while Ludwig looked around, finding the cellphone that had been discarded on the floor. He lifted it and looked at the messages, his eyes going wide. “What...”

“Ludwig, help me hold him down!” Ivan called out and Ludwig put the cellphone in his pocket before rushing over to help. They got him held down and when he realized he couldn't escape he just broke down, screaming and crying.

When he finally stopped thrashing Ivan lifted him to his lap, wrapping around him, holding him close. “What happened? You were doing so well.” He asked and Alfred sobbed out a reply.

“You hate me too, don't you? Laughing at me behind my back. I could hear it! Everyone! Everyone hates me!” He cried out and Ivan stared, horrified at the answer.

“Nyet, I wasn't laughing at you, lyubimaya. I promise, I wasn't laughing at you.” He held him close, kissing his forehead and rocked, letting Alfred cry himself to sleep on his lap.

Ludwig moved his bed back before Ivan laid him down and went down the stairs, finding Arthur shaking like a leaf, Francis and Mattie trying to comfort him. “What happened?” Arthur nearly cried. “He was doing so well, then he just... all of that work, gone.” He slid his head into his hands as Mattie patted his back.

“During times of stress, it's common for someone fighting something like this to relapse. He's not necessarily getting worse, it was just a minor setback.” Mattie spoke, but he was upset as well.

“Well, I know what caused that stress.” Ludwig sighed as he pulled the cellphone from his pocket. “The image that Ivan put online has some very... rude comments.” He sighed as everyone pulled out their phones, looking.

As Mattie's eyes noticed the comments go from negative about his state to negative about him he understood. He slid his phone back into his pocket, sighing. 

Ivan glanced over the comments, almost wanting to bomb every one of those countries. He wasn't just unhappy, he was pissed. He knew he needed to do something more helpful and looked up at Arthur. “How many of the pills did he take?”

“Pills?” Mattie glanced over as Arthur pulled the bottles from his pocket and stared in shock. “How did he get those?”

“That would be my mistake.” Francis stared at the bottles, feeling depression hit hard as he realized he'd not helped in this situation at all. “He was doing better, so I thought he could handle having them.” Francis didn't look up, afraid of seeing disparaging glares.

“Nyet, it's not your fault.” Ivan sighed. “It's mine. If I hadn't put that picture up, this wouldn't have happened. It was a help the next morning, but I should have asked everyone to remove it after that.” He sighed as he slid his head down to his hands. He couldn't get the look on Alfred's face when he said he'd hated him out of his mind. It wasn't angry. He was heartbroken. He'd honestly believed Ivan had been laughing at him. “I'll keep an eye on him tonight.” He stood and Francis stilled him. 

“Dinner's ready. You should eat first.” He watched with worry as Ivan shook his head.

“I don't have much of an appetite. Excuse me.” He spoke softly as he moved up the stairs. Everyone watched with worry lining their brows as he walked up the stairs. It was easily heard all over the house, what Alfred had sobbed out and they couldn't help but worry about what would happen when Alfred woke in the morning.

“Maybe it won't be that bad.” Mattie sighed. “They're normally at least to some degree mature. I'm sure once Alfred realizes, that he'll apologize.”

“I don't know.” Ludwig frowned. “He seemed fairly dead set that he'd heard him laughing at him. It may have just been paranoia, but still...” He glanced over to Francis, who just stared at his hands on the table.

“I don't know. It could go either way.” Francis spoke, honestly too scared to say what he really thought. He wasn't sure Alfred really was mature enough to apologize for his harsh words. It was one thing they all knew about him, he rarely said thank you, and an 'I'm sorry' was nearly impossible to come by. “I hope he realizes. I think those two are really good for each other, and it would be a pity to have it end over something like this.” He sighed, looking over at Arthur, who was still shaking like a leaf.

They ate and quietly went to sleep, Mattie staying on the couch, while Ludwig stole Ivan's unused bed.

Ivan went up the stairs and grabbed his clothes, deciding to change upstairs. He walked in and saw Alfred on the bed, curled up and shaking. He changed quickly and climbed in, pulling the other to his chest. “It's alright. Everything's alright. I'm here, there's nothing to worry about.” Ivan softly whispered, which seemed to work as Alfred's shaking stopped. He gave a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I'm sorry.” Alfred whimpered, and Ivan glanced down, seeing the other look up, his eyes showing the redness of his tears as more looked like they were about to start. “I'm sorry I'm so much trouble. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I'm such a mess!” He curled up farther, crushing his hands over his face.

“There's no need for that.” Ivan tenderly took his chin and moved his face up to see him. “Do you really think what you said? That I don't love you? That I'm laughing at you behind your back?”

“No. I was just... freaking out. It was like nothing made sense and for some reason, that did right then. I'm sorry.” He sniffed and Ivan smiled, leaning down and gave him a gentle kiss.

“If you don’t actually believe that, then it's fine. A misstep, I can handle. Pain and problems, I can help deal with, but if you thought I actually hated you, I don't know what I'd do.” Ivan couldn't help the frown that fell over his face and Alfred realized how badly his words had really hurt him. He reached up, snaking his arms around Ivan's neck and shifted, moving himself further up so they were cheek to cheek. 

“I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Ivan.” He hugged him tight, pressing his face into the warm shoulder beside him and Ivan sighed, letting out his worry and fears. 

“It's fine, lyubimaya. I just hate seeing you in pain. You really scared me, you know.” He sighed, still battling off his worry, but taking comfort in Alfred's embrace. “It's good to see you hugging me. It warms me. Everything will be alright, as long as you remember this.” Ivan pulled his head back, making sure to look Alfred dead in the eyes. “I love you. So deeply I love you. This may be a new feeling to you, but for me, you've been in my heart for a long time. I've wanted so badly for us to stand side by side, for I always knew you would never find interest in someone like me. When I heard you say you might love me I thought I was dead, for only in heaven would I hear such words from the lips of an angel.” Ivan watched as Alfred stared, surprised.

He leaned up again and kissed him, trying to feel his past again. He wanted to see. He wanted to understand, and he could see himself, the way Ivan had always seen him, not what he saw with his own eyes. Ivan knew he could be cruel. He didn't think he was perfect, and saw each of his flaws clearly, but he also knew the pounding of his heart whenever they met made it nearly impossible to sit near him. Each meeting was hard to survive. Alfred had always seen it, his unsettle and discomfort, but he always thought it was hate.

It never had been.

When their lips gently moved away Alfred was crying again. He looked up at Ivan with a look trying to convey a hundred years of apology and Ivan smiled, realizing what had happened. He was surprised when lips started assaulting his, kiss after kiss, tear after tear. When Alfred started getting low on air he pulled back and gasped, a slight sob breaking free from him as he started speaking words, finally something that wasn't an apology.

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you!” He cried his cheeks burning red as he spoke and Ivan smiled, brushing his hair behind his ear, but he felt his heart pounding before a giggle broke free of him. He grasped Alfred and pulled him to his chest, their bodies pressed hard against each other as Ivan gave him a long, passionate kiss. His hands moved, cradling his cheek as the other slid down his back, pulling him as tight as he could as Ivan licked his lip. Alfred opened himself, granting access as Ivan proceeded to kiss him senseless. They only separated when the lack of oxygen was too much to handle.

“Such precious words you have for me...” Ivan spoke softly, his eyes roving over Alfred's face. “I love you. I always have, I always will.” He leaned his head forward so their foreheads and noses touched. “If you start to worry in the future, if you start to feel angry or hurt, just remember. To me, you are everything.” He watched as Alfred nodded.

They fell asleep shortly after, Alfred still pressed to Ivan's chest.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When Alfred and Ivan woke the next morning they just laid in bed for nearly an hour, just looking at each other. Ivan loved watching the stars in Alfred's eyes, while the violet ones kept drawing his own attention. A soft knock sounded at the door and Ivan leaned down, kissing Alfred before standing to get it. “Everything alright, mon ami?” Francis watched with worry until he noticed the look on Ivan's face.

“Da, sorry, we'll be down shortly.” He smiled and Francis nodded, comforted. 

“Take your time. Don't rush on my account.” He grinned as he turned to head down the stairs.

Ivan turned and walked back up the stairs to find Alfred searching for clothes for the day. Ivan gave him a kiss behind his ear and Alfred turned, blushing and grinning. “So, is this going to be a habit, you staying in my room?”

“Is that a problem?” Ivan asked, honestly a little worried til he heard Alfred giggle.

“No, but if it is going to be like that, maybe you should just move your stuff up here. It would be more convenient.” He said softly, wondering if this move was a little too fast, but Ivan covered his mouth, staring at Alfred with the red seeping around, making it plain to see his embarrassment. 

“Da, but remember, nothing more strenuous than last night until you're at 3.46 pood.” He spoke with conviction and Alfred stared.

“What?”

“Da, 56.7 kilograms?” Ivan winced, realizing he wasn't much aware of American weights.

“That's... like 80 pounds, right? I was never that low!” He stared as Ivan cocked his head to the side before laughing.

“Pounds! 125! I didn't know your weights!” He laughed harder and Alfred grinned.

“One twenty five? I give it a week. Sound good?” He asked and Ivan stared, his eyes wide. Alfred was actually really interested... 

He swallowed hard, hoping Alfred wouldn't notice his reactions to his words. “That's fine.” He mumbled and turned, his hand coming back over his face to hide the redness.

“Is that too fast? If you're not ready...”

“It's not that.” Ivan mumbled out, looking back at Alfred enough that Alfred noticed what was happening. He turned back around, clasping his hands over his heart. 

“I understand.” He spoke softly, feeling his own response to Ivan. Ivan misunderstood and forgot about his own predicament and nearly ran over, turning Alfred around and hugged him tightly.

“It's really not that! I-” He was cut off at the realization of what was actually happening as Alfred covered his own face, trying to hide his blush, but when they were pressed so closely together it was impossible to miss. “Oh.” He mumbled as he stepped back and looked down. Alfred clenched his eyes in embarrassment as Ivan chuckled, gripping his chin. “There's no reason to be embarrassed, lyubimaya. It's alright, and kind of a confidence builder.” Ivan grinned and Alfred nodded, seeing the smile clear up to Ivan's eyes. “Get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs.” Alfred nodded, but didn't say a word.

Ivan walked to his room and grabbed an armload of his clothes and walked back to Alfred's room, deciding it was alright. He walked in and Alfred turned quickly, covering himself. Ivan didn't even respond, setting his clothes on the counter before grabbing a pair of shorts, underwear and a tank top. Everyone else was going casual, he decided it was time for him to do so as well. He stripped down before hearing Alfred gasp and turned, seeing wide eyes on him. “It's only changing clothes. Calm down.” Ivan watched as Alfred again wordlessly nodded before pulling on his underwear.

At breakfast Alfred nearly binged, surprising everyone except Ivan who knew he was going to fight to get to that 125 mark. When Mattie tried to give him his pill to take Alfred stared at it. “Is it going to make it harder for me to put weight back on?” He asked and Mattie frowned.

“Yes, but only for a couple more days.” He spoke clearly, wondering what had happened and Alfred shook his head.

“Flush them. Flush them all. I won't take them.” He shook his head as he reached into the fridge, grabbing the carton of milk and just started drinking right from the box. 

“Al, you might have... a....” He stared as in one go, Alfred finished the whole thing. “What changed?” He asked and Alfred turned to him before a bright blush flashed across his face. 

“Don't worry about it, Bro. It's all good. I just really want to put the weight back on.” He grinned and Mattie rolled his eyes, having a clue from that blush. 

“IVAN!” he yelled, surprising Alfred. “I know this is your fault! We're out of milk!” He yelled and Ivan ran down the stairs, having started actually moving the rest of his stuff into Alfred's room.

“I didn't touch the milk.” He frowned and watched as Alfred turned back to the fridge before an arm grabbed his shoulder and held him still. 

“Mattie...” Alfred whined as his brother slid a hand to his hip, an eyebrow arching at Ivan, who realized Alfred was still eating. He giggled before shaking his head.

“Alfred, you must learn moderation.” Ivan walked downstairs and Alfred crossed his arms.

“You want me to put weight back on, but you want me to do it at a snail's pace!” He moped, and Ivan leaned over, looking at his face.

“If you eat like this, you won't gain extra weight. You must eat right so your body repairs. What your body doesn't use, it'll remove. You don't want to eat til you puke and lose everything, right?” He asked and Alfred crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah...”

They practiced poi together, and Alfred noticed everyone slowly getting better, except Mattie who seemed to be a world star at it. It was nearly gymnastics with LED lights. He practiced til his arms started to tire and sat, watching the others before Mattie started giving hints and tips to Ivan, teaching him a few new moves. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen, that brilliant grin on Ivan's face as he spun.

After lunch and more of Hiyama's medication, Mattie gave everyone a pill. “This will help you to relax, and make you more open and honest about your feelings. That's why it's such a good help for therapy sessions. I'll warn you, it can make your senses cross. You might be able to taste colors, or feel light. It effects everyone a little differently, so please remember to not get too open. I don't want to walk into the living room and find anyone naked, alright?” He spoke just after everyone had taken the pills, much to Ludwig's annoyance. 

They'd practically forced him to take the medications all day. He had to admit, the marijuana had helped greatly with the stiffness of his shoulders. He could feel a century worth of stress seep away in ten minutes. He noticed his back started to hurt less, and he felt a little light headed, but not too badly. “Why is this illegal?” He looked over to Mattie who grinned.

“It was originally made illegal to promote racism. After America made it illegal, the other countries just started following suit, believing the nonsense the doctors at the time came up with. Fake charts and studies were everywhere. The heroine I understand, that was a horrible situation for those who got addicted, but I never understood this one.” Mattie sighed as he glanced over.

“Me either.” Alfred admitted. “It was made illegal while I was elsewhere. I didn't know about it at all until I came back and they told me it was out of my hands.” He shrugged. “Like cocoa leaves. In leaf form it's just like drinking a cup of coffee. It was made illegal to promote racism as well, but then the chemists started drawing out the essence. Cocaine will kill you, but just the leaves? They're harmless. Still illegal.” He sighed.

“You know what else is illegal and shouldn't be? Public nudity.” Francis started and Arthur laughed shaking his head.

“Can you imagine some poor child, right at the waist height on a crowded, half naked subway train? That's horrible! Some things are illegal for a reason!” He half yelled, half laughed out.

“I agree with Arthur.” Mattie spoke while Alfred, Ivan and Ludwig raised their hands, nodding.

“You're all too focused on the bad. If children were taught that the human body was a beautiful thing, and should be appreciated in any form, we wouldn't have as many problems with self image that we have now. Look at Alfred. He was a little overweight. He had a slight pudge, and everyone decided it was bad. He was called horrible names for something that wasn't even that bad. I'd rather see a thousand guys with a little pudge than see one person with anorexia. It's horrible, and it's because we're not taught to appreciate what we have, but what we think we should have. Nudity is treated as indecent, which starts making others think their bodies are indecent. It's all connected, and it hurts so many people.” He nodded curtly and everyone stared, a bit surprised.

“Did that actually just win anyone else over?” Alfred asked and Ivan nodded, a bit surprised.

“I still think it's indecent. I'd rather them be taught it by using more realistic models than to have some poor child with a crotch in his face.” He nodded and everyone turned to each other before laughing.

By the time Hiyama got there, everyone was calmed and relaxed, and horribly happy. Mattie had to let him in and smiled as he walked through the door. “Hello, Doctor.”

“Hello. I take it everyone's in the living room?”

“Yes, we were just discussing the uselessness of some laws.” Mattie rolled his eyes. “They're being a little too honest in my opinion, but it might work better for you.” He turned and walked into the living room, taking a look at the timer he'd set.

Every hour everyone was to drink a bottle of water. With the pills they were on, it was a rule.

Hiyama sat in the chair, Alfred curled up on Ivan's lap, running his hand over his arm, staring at it with wide eyes. Francis sat beside them, Arthur on the ground between his legs, his head back staring at the ceiling while Ludwig sat in the chair beside him. “You must be Ludwig. I'm Doctor Kiyoteru Hiyama. It's a pleasure.” He held out his hand to shake and Ludwig took it firmly.

“Guten abend. It's a pleasure.” He sighed before sitting back. Mattie sat in the last chair, on Hiyama's other side and just smiled, giggling.

“So, I'm guessing you're Germany?” He asked and Ludwig turned, wide eyes. 

“You told him?!” He barked out and Hiyama smiled. 

“Doctor patient confidentiality states I cannot say a single word of what happens here. It's locked away and never to be seen again, except by me if I need it. You're safe to be whoever you want to be.” He smiled and Mattie leaned over with a grin.

“I don't think he understands what this means. To him, we're probably all delusional.” He grinned and Ludwig stared, his thought conflicting.

“I guess it's fine, as long as Japan doesn't show up.” Ludwig sighed and Hiyama frowned.

“Why's that?” He asked softly and Ludwig sighed.

“If you didn't recognize America right off the bat, you must be a Japanese citizen, right?” Ludwig watched as he sat up straight in his chair.

“I am, but how did you know?” He asked and Ludwig stared at him with a straight face.

“A citizen always recognizes their country. They see us and they can see pride, hard work, the country itself and what it stands for. We are the representations of the country, and we live and die with our land and our people.” He watched as Hiyama started putting everything together.

“How old are you, Ludwig?” He asked and the other sighed.

“One hundred and fifty nine. I'm still fairly young.” Germany chuckled. “Not like my bruder. In nine years, he'll be five hundred if he lives that long.” He sighed and Hiyama frowned.

“If he lives that long?” He watched as Ludwig's brow lowered, his hands lowering to his sides. All signs of covering depression. 

“Prussia fell. His country is gone, his capital is gone. There's no reason for him to keep living, except for the East side of Germany, which is still me. Even he says he doesn't know why he's still alive, but I think he's still fighting. He still wants to live, and I think maybe it's just sheer will power that keeps him here.” He spoke softly and Hiyama nodded. 

“Is that the way it is? That's very unfortunate. Has he stated that he wants to live?” Hiyama asked softly and Ludwig nodded.

“He's trying his best with the government. He's oddly attached to the military and fights tooth and nail for the country, but if it's not his country, then why?” He asked and Hiyama smiled.

“Maybe because of you. One of the first things you told me is that you're still fairly young. Maybe, if you're young, he doesn't want to leave you without his experience and care.” He watched as Ludwig nodded.

Hiyama, now having a mindset and understanding sighed. “Does everyone else here know his brother?” 

“Prussia's a pain in the ass sometimes, but he's a lot of fun!” Alfred giggled and Ivan nodded.

“He can be very... disruptive, but he's generally a good man.” Ivan spoke. “I held onto him for a while after World War two and he fit in oddly well, til the fall of the Soviet Union.” Ivan spoke before looking up at Ludwig. “If I would have realized his time was so precious, if I would have thought more clearly in those days, I wouldn't have taken him. I'm sorry, Ludwig, for stealing his time with you.” He watched as Ludwig nodded, tears coming to his eyes.

“He's home now, and that's what matters.” Ludwig sighed and Alfred giggled.

“I sent him and Japan and Italy messages to tell them to come out here for a vacation. It'll be like the old days!” He laughed out loud and Ludwig stared, shocked for a minute.

“When did you do that?” Ludwig asked in a whisper and Alfred held up his cell phone.

“As soon as you started talking. Just text back that he's on his way and I better have beer!” He laughed and Hiyama nodded, knowing this was going to be much longer sessions next time. “And Italy says we have to have pasta, and Japan says he needed an excuse anyway. He has some papers for me to fill out.” He looked up and Ivan stared, a little surprised. “If his time with you is so precious that Ivan says so, than there's no reason for him not to be here with you.” Alfred smiled as he leaned further into Ivan's chest. “I can hear your heartbeat.” He giggled and Ivan smiled, hugging him.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Hiyama sat watching the care the people around him took of each other. It was a bit heart warming, when they were being honest with themselves, as well as with others. Arthur was subconsciously hugging Francis' leg, Alfred was completely wrapped in Ivan. Ludwig was depressed, but he could tell from the look of him he was the type to ignore depression in favor of fighting. Matthew was the mystery today, being giddy and cheerful, though he seemed fairly calm and stayed in the background a bit during their last session. He said he was often invisible, but his cheerful, kinetic energy radiated the most in the room. “What has you so happy?”

“I just texted China. Allies versus Axis all over again, bitches! I say we have a poi competition at the end of the month to determine winners!” He grinned and everyone looked over, a bit surprised.

“All of our houses are going to be full! This'll be a lot of people!” Alfred started thinking, trying to determine where to put who when Mattie grinned.

“Japan has a house here too, remember! We'll have plenty of space! Besides, we'll all end out hanging out here anyway. Your house has the best seats! This is so fricking comfortable!” Mattie started fondling the chair cushions, making Alfred laugh.

“Competitive, loud and rambunctious, what are you, me?” Alfred laughed and everyone joined in. Even Ludwig couldn't hide a chuckle at the antics. 

“It'll be nice to see Italy again. It's been a long time.” Ludwig let out a smile and Hiyama glanced over, seeing a slight blush fade from his cheeks.

This was going to be interesting! 

“So, how is the problem with Alfred's anorexia going?” He asked and Ivan frowned.

“I had a relapse last night. I freaked out and barricaded my room. I took almost a weeks worth of pills and puked my guts out, but I'm doing a lot better today.” He smiled as he stretched his back to kiss Ivan on the cheek. “Ivan really helped me out. Thanks.” He smiled as he curled up again and Ivan hugged him harder before kissing the crown of his head.

“Anytime.”

“Do you know what triggered the relapse?” He asked softly and Alfred stiffened in Ivan's arms.

“A cellphone message had some very... hateful things to say to him.” Ludwig said. “I think anyone would be upset with the things he saw, and in his state...” He watched as Alfred turned his head into Ivan's chest again. 

“What was said?” Hiyama watched as Ludwig pulled out his own cellphone and went to the message stream. He handed the phone over and Hiyama saw some messages that were a little shocking before going near the bottom with wide eyes. He understood why Alfred freaked out. The messages after two thirds were nearly all saying he should kill himself, or they couldn't wait for him to die. It was horrible and vicious. 

“I erased it.” Alfred spoke softly. “I didn't want to chance clicking on that again. I feel bad enough having everyone worrying over me, but that... I couldn't handle that.” Alfred felt another kiss to his head and sighed, leaning in. “But it's gone now and I don't have to worry about it. I should be happy I'm larger. It means I have an abundance of things, right?” He looked up at Ivan who nodded. “It's like Ukraine and her boobs.”

“Can we not talk about my sister's boobs?” Ivan scrunched up his nose and Alfred giggled, reaching up and cupped Ivan's cheek.

“It was just a comparison.” Alfred gave Ivan a soft kiss and they continued their cuddling.

“You two are making me sick.” Arthur grumbled from the floor and Francis reached down, running his hands through his hair.

“Jealous, mon amour?” Francis gripped him under his arms and pulled Arthur up to his lap. He fought weakly for a minute before giving up and started running his hands over Francis' chest. 

“I hate you right now.” Arthur pouted, but with a nearly drunken blush on his face it wasn't hard to tell the truth.

“I know, I love you too.” Francis smiled as he nestled his chin on Arthur's hair.

Soon came time for the one on one's. Mattie was so hyped up he ranted the whole time, still running his hands over the arms of the chair. Ludwig was surprised he'd been included and Hiyama explained the sessions were for the whole group. When the new members got in, they'd be included as well. Francis spoke of deep loves and how he longed to see his own returned with full force, while Arthur gave a distinct impression it wasn't going to happen, though it was fairly flimsy and easy to see through. 

Ivan was scared. After his lovey dovey display with Alfred, Hiyama was surprised to hear it. He explained about their fight, Alfred yelling at him, and explained though he was able to play it off fairly well, the words really frightened him. He explained the last time he fell in love she died, and he really didn't want to relive that situation, especially since he'd really barely known Anastasia, as two weeks isn't enough to devote your life to honestly, but he'd loved Alfred for years. He'd let the crush die off, but eventually it always came back with a vengeance til he was barely able to handle it. With Alfred's fragile mental state he didn't want to say anything. He was willing to let it drop, but it still worried him. What if it happened again? What if the next time the paranoia didn't fade as simply?

Hiyama smiled and sighed. “Unfortunately, that's a hard part of being in love with someone who has the possibility of mental shifts. You can either ride them out, or leave. It's not always easy, but you have to think, is the reward worth the effort?” He asked and Ivan nodded.

“Da. Always.” Ivan answered immediately. “After a hundred years, it's impossible to drop what you've hoped so hard for.” He glanced up and Hiyama smiled.

“He's lucky to have someone who cares so greatly about him right now.” 

“He always has. He just didn't notice it.” Ivan grinned and Hiyama nodded, letting a light chuckle escape at the joyous look on Ivan's face.

And then the doorbell rang. Ivan looked over, surprised before walking over and opening the door, finding Kiku standing outside.

“Ah, Hello. Is Alfred available?” He looked up and Ivan waved him in. Japan noticed the slight stumble back and frowned, wondering if they had been drinking. He walked in and looked across the living room, finding one of his citizens staring back in surprise.

“I know you.” Hiyama spoke, slowly standing. “I feel like I've known you all of my life, but I'm sure we've never met.” He frowned and Ivan nodded.

“Da, as Germany said earlier, a citizen always recognizes his country.” Ivan giggled as Kiku started to panic. 

“What are you saying?! Germany-san said that?!” He flustered, wondering why they'd let this human, one of his citizens in on their secrets, only to find the man bowing.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Japan-sama. I am Kiyoteru Hiyama. I am the psychiatrist currently working with the group. If you'll be staying you're going to be in these sessions as well. Since you're here, and only Alfred's isn't handled yet, maybe we should do yours first to get us acquainted?” He smiled and Kiku, unsure of what was happening glanced over to Ivan, who nodded.

“Da. I want to spend a little time with him, so that would work well.” Ivan spoke before walking out the door to the kitchen which lead to the patio.

“I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening.” Kiku glanced around and Hiyama chuckled before sitting down and motioning for Japan to sit down as well. 

“Japan-sama, I don't know how much you know about the current situation right now, but Alfred is having a lot of problems right now. He's been really suffering, and asked me to come in to help out not only his situation, but everyone's as a group. I'm doing a one hour group session, followed by fifteen minute individual sessions, except for Ivan and Alfred, who each get half an hour. I am licensed, and want you to know this works under the Doctor/Patient confidentiality laws. Nothing you say here will go any further than this room, alright?” He spoke and Japan nodded.

“I'm Honda Kiku. Hajimemashita.” Kiku bowed lightly. He glanced over to the back door with a frown. Alfred was suffering? That didn't sound good.

“Don't worry, everyone's being peaceful right now. They're all on a couple of medications to... alter their moods, as well as open them up to make them more likely to cooperate. They're handling their first times on both medications really well.” Hiyama smiled and watched as Kiku frowned, staring.

“Will I be expected to be on these medications as well?” He asked softly and Hiyama smiled.

“I don't know yet. Tell me, when I told you Alfred was having problems, what's the first thing you thought it would be?” Hiyama asked, leaning back and watching as Kiku's eyes shifted away nervously.

“Probably him and Ivan-san fighting again.” He said softly and Hiyama leaned forward. 

“Is Alfred... dead?” Kiku asked, an honestly worried look crossing his face. “That would explain such happiness on Ivan-san's face.” He started to panic again and Hiyama laughed. 

“I won't force you to take the medications, but I think it would really be good for you. You need to relax, and I think, like Ludwig, you'll notice a few helpful side effects.” He watched as Kiku frowned and sighed before nodding.

“Hai, I'll try. I promise nothing.” He spoke and Hiyama handed him the same pill bottle he'd handed everyone else. Kiku held it up, looking at the bottle for a second before looking across. “Is this... what I think it is?” He asked and Hiyama nodded.

“Probably. It's known to assist with stress, depression, aches and pains-”

“I'll try it.” He nodded and Hiyama stared for a second before laughing.

“That was a lot easier than I thought it would be!” He grinned and Kiku blushed.

“I've heard stories and have been wanting to try, so this is fine.” He nodded.

“The other medication I can't give you. Technically it is illegal, so don't say you're taking it, but it's a very well known medication to open people up more during therapy sessions, like this. I was actually able to get a lot more information about how everyone felt today, and I think a few minor issues were taken care of. An hour before the sessions begin, Matthew will have to give it to you, alright?” He watched as Kiku nodded.

“Now, tell me a little about yourself.” Hiyama watched as Kiku fought for things. 

“Well, I live alone and I like anime. My best friends are Italia and Doitsu, and I have a dog.” he nodded and Hiyama stared for a second before sighing and nodded.

That was a Japanese man, right there. No emotion, just basic facts. He couldn't help the smile that came over his face. This was going to be his hardest case, this group. And he already knew he'd love every minute.

After a few more minutes with barely anything said, Kiku went to retrieve Alfred. He stepped out onto the back porch to find Alfred wrapped in Ivan's arms and panicked, staring. “No!” He pointed and everyone turned, surprised.

“Hey!” Alfred grinned and Kiku started to realize Ivan wasn't forcing him to sit like that. “I guess it's my turn, huh?” He stood and blew past. Kiku was now totally confused.

“What's happening?” He asked and Francis, who Kiku now realized was holding Arthur in a similar fashion grinned. 

“l'amour! Such a wonderful thing!” Francis giggled at Kiku's blush. Kiku nearly stumbled into a chair, staring at Ivan in wonder.

“You threatened him?” He asked and Ivan pouted while Francis laughed again.

“Not quite, but maybe we should wait to explain too much til Alfred gets back, non?” He asked and Kiku nodded, understanding that thought.

“Hai, that seems appropriate.” He watched as Germany grinned at him. “It's been a while.”

“Entirely too long! I've missed you!” Ludwig grinned, surprising the other before he smiled and nodded.

“And I have missed you as well.”

Inside Alfred was shaking like a leaf. Hiyama asked him exactly what about the messages had disturbed him and Alfred just shut down. He stared at the wall and just shook. After a moment he realized this wasn't going anywhere. He walked out back and asked Ivan to come in for a minute to try and calm him down, and it worked, as long as Ivan was no further than his side. 

He poured his heart out. About the messages, about why he panicked and the dreams he'd been suffering from for the last year. He finally patted Ivan's leg and told him to go back outside, that he was calm now and Ivan nodded and stood, kissing his forehead before leaving. As soon as the door was closed Alfred turned and looked at Hiyama.

“I love him.” He spoke softly and Hiyama nodded with a smile.

“I can tell.” He watched as Alfred started shaking his head.

“No, it's not just that. I really love him. After this month we're all supposed to go back to our normal lives, and now I don't know how easy that will be for me. I don't know what to do.” He spoke softly and Hiyama realized, with Kiku being Japan, and himself now understanding what that meant, he realized the others were actual countries as well.

“There's always the option of visits, or spending half of the year in each place. There's always a way if you look for it.” Hiyama watched as Alfred nodded, thinking.

“You're right.” Alfred thought of something and looked up. “It'll be a struggle. I'll have to work hard, but you're supposed to do that for relationships. You have to work at them.” He thought before smiling. “It'll be worth it. I know it!” He giggled and Hiyama smiled, watching as Alfred finally relaxed.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm sorry I kind of stopped updating for a while. I've fallen horribly sick, my stomach keeps sending me to the hospital. I'll try to keep updating, but it may be down to once a week. I'll do my best to update at least that often til I'm over this, though it may be a while. I'm sorry for the inconvenience this has caused, and I thank you to those who commented and asked me how I was doing. You guys are the best!

Chapter 19

Alfred walked out to the patio, Hiyama having left and resumed his sitting on Ivan's lap. “You're really comfortable.” he let out a relaxed sigh as he leaned back, kissing one of the arms that wrapped around him. “Kiku, they catch you up?”

“I don't know. Have you lost weight?” He asked, seeing the thin arms and legs. 

“Ah, yeah, about a hundred pounds.” He watched as Kiku frowned, realizing that the number was drastic. 

“Wasn't that about half of the weight you were?” He asked and Alfred nodded.

“Almost. I was around one ninety, so that sounds about right.” He watched as Kiku's eyes widened.

“How much do you weigh now?” He asked quietly, nerves setting in.

“I'm not sure. Arthur took my scales so I couldn't weigh myself. I do want that back. I need to know how much I've put back on.” He watched as Kiku frowned, looking around. 

“How much were you down to, the last time you checked?” He asked, seeing the slight depression that fell over the group.

“Ninety one. I think I've been able to put on a few pounds, though.” He watched as Kiku stared.

“What happened? Were you captured? Tortured?” He asked softly, leaning forward, his anticipation for an answer, any answer, visible around him.

“I kind of developed an eating disorder, or three. I'm getting better, but it's a bit of a struggle. It's part of the reason I invited everyone else, to help distract me. It'll be fun to hang out like this.” He smiled, watching as Kiku stared. 

“An... eating disorder? I wouldn't have imagined you to be the type to do that.” He watched, concern lining his brow. 

“Me either. But sometimes things happen, right? Just better to try and get recovered as soon as possible instead of panicking. Besides, everyone here's been really supportive, so it doesn't seem as bad.” He smiled as he closed his eyes, resting his head on Ivan's chest. “It's actually really nice here.” He smiled, his eyes fluttering up and Kiku nodded, staring a bit taken back at Alfred's behavior.

“How high are you, exactly?” He asked and Alfred frowned, thinking.

“I don't think I'm too high.” He frowned as he stared. 

“He's so high he doesn't realize he's not acting normal.” Mattie winked and Kiku turned, staring with wide eyes. 

“So, what are we going to do?” Kiku asked a bit quietly and Alfred grinned.

“I'm going to be calling Elijah in the morning to order more poi, that's for starters.” He grinned and Ivan nodded with a chuckle.

“That does sound like fun. I think I want to practice a little.” He smiled and Alfred stood, freeing his lap before sitting in the warm spot he'd vacated, curling up like a kitten in the seat as Ivan went into the house to retrieve them.

“Poi? We're taking up such a sport?” He looked around and everyone nodded.

“I've been practicing for years, so it's not so hard for me.” Mattie grinned. “It's fun for everyone else, though, to try and learn something new, and it's fun to watch when they smack themselves in the heads.” He grinned as Francis and Arthur each reached up unconsciously and rubbed a spot on their battered skulls. “If you're expecting to see Ivan smack himself, I'd think again. Turns out he's a natural.” Mattie watched as he came back, finally sliding through the door and stepped out to the sand. He watched as the buttons were pressed, the small balls shining in slow multicolor, the colors changing faster as the balls started to spin around his hands. Kiku was almost as captivated as Alfred, staring wide eyed. 

“He looks so happy when he's spinning...” Alfred watched wide eyed, barely aware the words had even left his mouth. Kiku's eyes shifted over, taking in Alfred's appearance more than anything else. He was on the end of his seat. He looked as excited as could be. He watched like a child entranced by candy. As he let his eyes move back to Ivan he sighed.

“So, you and Ivan, ne? I didn't see that coming.” He listened to the hum of understanding from beside him. 

“When you're at your lowest, sometimes you're surprised by the change of perception. I never would have imagined, broken down and as weak as I am right now, that he'd be the one fighting the strongest to build me back up.” Alfred watched, his eyes closing as he listened to the world, seeing the images in his mind of the ones around him. “He's much kinder than I'd ever imagined. I really think he's good for me.” Alfred let his head turn, his eyes opening back to see the shock on the other's face. 

“Really?” Kiku asked, honestly completely dumbfounded and Alfred smiled, nodding.

“What about you?” Alfred asked, his eyes shifting back to the Russian. “Anyone you think is really good for you out there?” He smiled, wondering what his friend would say.

“I don't know. The last actual relationship I had was Yao, and that was hundreds of years ago. Maybe I'm destined to be alone.” He smiled, but not bitterly. Alfred glanced over, seeing a content smile cross Kiku's face and nodded.

“Maybe now would be a good time to learn. While we're here, we're not to be countries. I'm not the United States right now, only Alfred. You should just be Kiku. Give your heart and your mind time to find what it wants, alright?”

“We'll see.” Kiku gave one of his smiles, showing he was picking, and Alfred could only laugh in response.

“Have you eaten yet, Kiku?” Francis asked, knowing it was late and there was a chance he'd missed dinner.

“Ah, yes, on the way.” He smiled and Francis nodded with a smile.

“They told me you had a house on the island. We can all go into town tomorrow. You can stock your supplies, and we can help, oui?” He smiled, watching as Kiku nodded.

“Thank you. That would be nice.” He watched as Alfred rolled his eyes.

“Probably looking for more things for us to do while we're here. Or date spots, honestly.” Alfred chuckled as a light red took over Francis' face, Arthur looking up with a little surprise.

“Are you really taking this seriously?” He asked, a bit surprised. He had imagined Francis was just trying to get him alone, but if he was taking this seriously, if he really wanted to date him... “Are you sure you'd want me? I'm not very romantic, you know.” Arthur watched as Francis smiled, leaning over and wrapped his arms around him. 

“That means little to me, mon amour. I can be the romantic one, oui?” He smiled and Arthur nodded, a blush crossing his cheeks. 

“If you're alright with that...” He mumbled and Francis grinned, hugging him.

“Of course! I've known you a very long time, Arthur. I'm not expecting you to suddenly become soft and sweet on me.” He grinned. “If it happened, I wouldn't complain, mind you, but you're you. I don't want you to change.” He watched as Arthur nodded, understanding.

“Thank you.” Arthur mumbled, hanging his head as Francis wrapped arms around him. 

“I think maybe it's getting close to time to call it a night.” Alfred glanced over to Kiku. “You wanna stay here til you get to straighten up your place? If Arthur's staying in Francis' room again, you can have his.” He watched as Kiku glanced over curious, not wanting to put Arthur out if he didn't want to sleep over.

“Ah, it's fine with me, chap.” Arthur smiled and Kiku noted his sincerity before nodding.

“Thank you. It's very gracious of you.” Kiku smiled and Alfred shook his head.

“I'm just being a little sentimental. It's been a long time since you stayed over at my place after all. I miss it sometimes, having you come in with an armload of manga and ice cream. You got me so addicted to a few series.” Alfred chuckled as Ivan walked up, sighing.

“My arms are worn out. It's fun, but it's exhausting.” Ivan grinned and Alfred stood up. 

“Let's get you some fresh sheets, at least.” He smiled before everyone slid into the house. Alfred gave Kiku the sheets and pointed him to the room, and gave some fresh sheets to Germany for Ivan's old room as well. 

As Alfred slid up the stairs he stopped right inside his room, a sudden pounding in his chest and he stilled, wincing and waiting for it to pass. “Alfred?” Ivan walked around and saw the look on his face and froze, surprised. “What's wrong? You looked like you were enjoying yourself.” He hugged the other close as tears started falling down his cheeks.

“I don't know! I feel so... mixed up and confused! I was fine!” He turned to Ivan, looking up at his face. “I was fine just a moment ago! Why do I feel so horrible now?!” He sobbed out and Ivan started rocking him, trying to grant him comfort.

“Your body's still trying to switch itself back on. It'll take time, and there could be moments like this in the future as well.” Ivan kissed his forehead before pulling Alfred back to his shoulder til he calmed a bit, a few minutes later. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Alfred mumbled, wiping his eyes before looking up. “Thank you.”

“Thank you. I couldn't help you if you didn't let me know, dorogoy.” Ivan whispered out, cupping Alfred's cheek and granting him a kiss. “You're so soft...” Ivan's eyes fluttered as he leaned down, kissing Alfred again, losing the grip he'd had to not respond to the sensitivity he'd had most of the night. He nearly tore off the clothing surrounding both of them before letting his skin press against Alfred's, his head spinning at the sensation. Ivan moved forward til Alfred's knees hit the bed and he fell, Ivan on him almost instantly, kissing down his neck. “You taste blue. Like the sky on a clear day.” He kissed again. “Or maybe the water here. So vibrant, so beautiful...” He kissed to his shoulder and Alfred realized the medication had hit Ivan harder than he'd thought.

“I taste... blue?” He asked with a smirk and Ivan glance up, seeing the look on his face.

“I'm higher than I thought, aren't I?” He asked softly and Alfred nodded.

“It's sweet, though.” Alfred rolled with Ivan, who scooted to free the American. “As high as you are, you still stay by my side.” Alfred smiled as he kissed Ivan, watching as his eyes nearly rolled back, getting so horribly distracted at the feeling of Alfred. 

“Always you.” Ivan clasped his cheeks, staring Alfred in the eyes with enough intensity to startle him. “Always, only you.” Ivan whispered, his eyes shifting between the blue before him. Alfred realized he was seeing the depth Ivan felt. Alfred wasn't some passing phase for him. He wasn't here just until he was better. The realization of how serious Ivan was nearly brought tears to Alfred's eyes. He watched as Ivan leaned in, kissing him softly. “Only you.” He whispered against his lips before repeating, passing out after a few minutes, Alfred's head still in his hands, his lips still pressed softly against him. Alfred felt a creak in his chest, his heart pounding again as he clenched his eyes. 

He wanted to scream and cry and fight. Words he never expected were said with such sincerity it actually hurt. He slowly snuck himself from Ivan's grasp and tried to figure out how to move his head to the top of the bed. 

He softly grasped Ivan, sliding his arms beneath his upper body and slowly and carefully, he was able to slide him up and lay his head on the pillow. He stared for a moment before slinking down the stairs, needing a second to collect himself after that.

He snuck to the back patio, thinking everyone else had gone to bed, or to their own houses, and was surprised to find Arthur, sitting and watching the water. For the first time in a while, he wasn't wound up or defensive, just sitting, reflecting on the changes taking part in his life. “Hey.” Alfred sighed as he sat beside him and Arthur glanced over, a bit confused.

“I thought you'd gone to bed.” Arthur spoke, a touch of worry hinting in his brow and Alfred sighed, shaking his head.

“So did I, but... I don't know if I can sleep just yet.” He watched over the water and Arthur's worry showed itself more.

“Don't tell me you two got into a fight.” He frowned and Alfred shook his head.

“Nothing like that. I was thinking maybe this would be a passing thing, maybe we were just a phase, you know?” He glanced over and Arthur frowned, more curious than worried now.

“And you've come across something that gives you an answer?” He asked, his brow raising. “If so, can you pass the secret on to me?” He chuckled and Alfred looked over, the dead serious worry in his eyes surprising the Brit. 

“He fell asleep holding my face and just kissing me saying 'Only you' over and over. Dad, I'm really scared.” Alfred spoke softly and Arthur stared. It had been a very long time since Alfred had called him that, something that only happened when he was terrified. He could only watch for a second, willing the pride in his pounding heart to slow before responding.

“Of what? Isn't that what you wanted?” Arthur asked, watching as Alfred looked down.

“I'm not romantic. I have no idea what I'm doing. I go based off of sensation, not emotion. What if I screw this up? I really love him.” Alfred nearly whispered and Arthur smiled, reaching out to pat golden hair.

“He loves you as well. It's easy to see. The first thing you need to remember is since he does love you he already knows you're not the most romantic. He's not going to suddenly expect it of you, you know.” Arthur watched as Alfred stilled, realizing that this was true. 

“So I just... try and do my best. Pray that I don't screw this up somehow.” He muttered, a bit downtrodden and Arthur sighed, nodding.

“That's what I'm doing as well, you know.” He glanced over, seeing Alfred nod. “It's not easy being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel intimidated by their emotions, but it can all be worth it. Just remember that, love.” 

“Thanks.” Alfred mumbled and sat, taking a few minutes to let the words sink in, to try and think of what to do next. He finally stood and waved goodnight before heading up to bed. He stripped down and sighed, sliding on his pajamas before looking at Ivan, still in his shorts and tee shirt, his head lulled back and smiled. He climbed into bed and curled up, feeling Ivan's arms wrap tightly around him before he was able to finally drift off.


	20. Chapter 20

Hey all! This story is discontinued, it's being abandoned. If anyone's interested in picking it up, let me know and I can email you the story I had written down so far, but my illness wiped any ideas of this story from my memories. I will be putting up a new story, probably tonight, called Whisper. It'll be a much better story, but a much darker theme. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't keep this one up.

Anyway, thank you for the wonderful response to the story. It makes it very difficult to not be able to finish, knowing you guys were enjoying it so much.

Thank you all for reading.

jasmin flower


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